Happy Mother's Day, Fellow BV's!

These untraditional Mother's Day cards are brought to you by writer Abby Norman. Click to see them all. 

I think of this as the "let's fix our DNA on an epigenetic level" card.

This one hurts!

See them all on Medium.

Are You a Red Dot or a Blue Dot?

Many years ago, I had a friend who worked for the writer Marcelle Clements. She noticed that Marcelle had red and blue round stickers in her address book next to people's names. What did they mean? Why, when I learned what it meant, did the metaphor stay with me for over twenty years?  

it turns out that the writer had learned to put a red dot by everyone who brought energy into her life, and a blue dot next to everyone who sucked energy away from her.

The heart is a giant red dot, by the way.

I used this thinking myself — looking at the people around me through red dot or blue dot eyes. I found it super helpful, too. When I met my future husband, I realized he was a giant red dot. I even knit him a red dot scarf. It was a red dot act to enthusiastically make such an ugly scarf.

Zone Out While Watching A Master Danish Potter

The Instagram looks amazing, too.

Apparently INSIDER, whose videos are suddenly everywhere, is a new Facebook-only sub-brand of Business Insider. So far, I like what I see. I could watch this video, of a man named Eric Landon who has been throwing pottery since he was 16, for hours.

A Very Homespun Non-Infographic about Overthinking Social Media

I had a conversation with Daniel Gehant of Copper Insights about how hard it can be to find your way on the voice-only app we both love, Anchor. I described my usual social media cycle: "START--------It hurts! It's embarrassing! OUCH------What am I saying?! I don't like this?! No one likes me!?!--------good feedback, slowly putting ourselves out there----I think I'm getting stronger-------I feel better, and I'm taking risks--------OUCH, backstep-------Nope, I'm definitely taking more risks and feeling better-----------END."

He said, "That would make a nice infographic."

Since I'm not a designer (how many ways can I say that?), my version of an infographic looks like Keynote:

Overthinking Social Media, A Non-Infographic.

I'm sharing it despite its homespun qualities because that's the whole point! Less fear, more exploring. Keep posting, fellow Beautiful Voyagers.

Which Bowie Song Are You Today?

Big Hint about my choice. 

When I feel weird or unclear or disconnected, I go back to the basics.

Bowie is my basics.

This morning, in the middle of asking myself too many big questions, I stopped and refocused on the basics.

I asked Anchor: Which Bowie song are you today? The songs that began pouring in (and are continuing to), made me so happy. (But of course they did.)

I’m ready to get to work.

[Note: As you listen, you’ll hear people’s usernames and then a little burbling sound in between every song. That’s how it’s supposed to work.]

Contributors

• CW Daly of Coral Springs, Florida
• Clay of ?
• Tosh Polak of Amsterdam, The Netherlands
• Laura Moscatello of Anchorage, Alaska
• Neil of Sheffield, England
• Poker Man of ?
• Sylvia of The Netherlands
• Ross Cahill of somewhere in Ireland

Avoiding Risk is Risky

Black-and-White Risk tree, ready to be climbed.

Though We Don’t Think of It That Way

Mention the word risk in certain crowds and you’ll elicit bombastic responses like: “Without risk, and lots of it, you’ll never be successful. You gotta be at the table to win.” In this context risk is equated simply with “something that you might lose money on.”

It makes sense that we focus on external financial risk. Those results are easy to gauge: Payoff equals rising income. But what about internal risk? What about emotional or psychological fallout from paths not taken? We don’t talk about them as much, but these fallouts play a huge role in our lives. They affect our most important relationships — our friends, families, marriages, our selves.

I started a conversation on this topic yesterday on an app called Anchor. If you hit play below, you can hear stories of these types of risks:

“I’m a healthcare professional. I wanted to strike out on my own rather than work for the man (for lack of a better word). I can see how me being indecisive was harmful to my relationship. At the time, I thought ‘Let’s not take a risk to save my wife from worrying about me as my own boss.' That thinking actually harmed our relationship.”

“I was considering leaving a job I really loved. I'd been with this company for a really long time. I was considering leaving to join a startup. I thought to myself ‘Oh, this is risky. This is really risky.’ A good friend of mine convinced me it was just as risky to stay. He said even if it wasn’t a great job, I was potentially missing out on learning about a new career. About myself.”

Avoiding Risk

Some people think they can avoid risk altogether by just sticking with the status quo. Bad news! This type of non-decision decision can lead to less visible outcomes like anxiety and depression which, in turn, affect everything in our lives, including our relationships. We don’t talk about invisible emotional risks, but they are there with every choice we make. You don’t opt out of emotional risk just because it’s not as outwardly apparent as financial risk.

As an overthinker, I know how tempting it is to try to control outcome by seeing decisions from all sides. Please don’t confuse my invitation to look at the two sides of risk — rational and emotional — as an invitation to overthink.

Drumming up potential positive and negative consequences for big decisions is part of rational, external risk assessment. Often deciders lump emotional components in that assessment at the same time. To truly understand the emotional component of risk is to accept that it’s a bit trickier than that: it probably can’t be understood by thinking too much.

The Role of Intuition in Anticipating Emotional Risk

Risk tree in full color as seen on a wall of our house. Also goes by name of: Change Tree, Intuition Tree, or Luck Tree, depending on the season.

Remember your last big decision. Deep down, didn’t you know what you wanted to do? Much has been written about the wisdom of following gut feelings (Steve Jobs: “Intuition is more powerful than intellect”). To sort out the role of emotional risk, you have to take the time to check in with how you’re feeling.

Getting clear-eyed on risk means facing both rational and emotional risks. And let’s complicate this a bit further: there’s also a problem of lack of ultimate control. For overthinkers who want to understand all angles of a problem, this can be a particular challenge.

It’s Not All Up to You

Joining that startup could lead to a huge pay off. Staying at the well-funded enterprise company you’ve been at for years could turn out to be great. Luck will play a role in outcome. The best we can hope for is mapping our own rational and emotional risks with a clear head and heart.

Then we let go.

A Loose Stab at a BV Podcast: Listen to People Pleasing

This appeared during a search for "juicy." That's how I think of the Topic we're covering today.

If you haven't heard it before, a few things to note about The Beautiful Voyager podcast:

• It's recorded and served entirely through an app called Anchor. This means you can't subscribe to it through your normal channels. You can listen to it here or if you have downloaded Anchor.
• It is in a format that is unique to Anchor, where it's broken up into "waves." There is an initial 2-minute wave, and then subsequent 1-minute waves. Each are labeled by topic.
• Sometimes you'll hear people ask question in the middle of the podcast. Anchor is incredibly interactive, which is its strength, but it can make for confusing listening.
• The current episode, embedded below, is episode 3. To hear previous episodes and read about the origins of the podcast, check out this post.

Without further ado...

Progress! When It Happens, It Feels So Good.

Building a community for overthinkers from scratch is a formidable challenge.  It's in the nature of stress and overthinking to avoid being seen. We don't really want to think about the issues that bother us. And don't even think of bringing up the A word (anxiety). 

Tiger's eye was the first BV avatar, pre-star.

When I was first creating the Facebook group, I thought I'd be lucky to get 20 people to join. I remember being nervous on behalf of the first brave souls who liked the page. I wanted them to feel comfortable and safe, which can be a feat when you're starting something new. No one wants to be the first to the party.

That's why this past week has felt like such a massive accomplishment, though the numbers might not seem like it to others in the media or tech worlds. The first in a week of firsts: we hit over 100 likes on the BV Facebook page (Multiply by 10 to grok the magnitude considering the topic). 100 likes! I'm thrilled.

Then I created a very special map which, with the help of a bunch of other beautiful voyagers, has grown into a very cool organic project. There are now over 60 lighthouses on the map, lighting up the place so that other overthinkers know they aren't alone. The naming of lighthouses has turned into something unusual and specific. It makes the site feel like it's ours. That's what I've always wanted. 

Look at all of those lights!

And the newsletter has quadrupled in size in that time as well.

I want to take a moment to appreciate how far the Beautiful Voyager has come. I know we still have miles to go, but it's about process, not outcome, right? 

I especially want to thank everyone who's helped as a creative early adopter (the people who support ideas before they're fashionable), joined the FB group, or shined their light from their lighthouse. You're the reason I'm doing this in the first place.