The 2018 Guide to Best Weighted Blankets for Better Sleep, Stress, and Anxiety

Do you like it when your dentist throws that heavy lead blanket on you for xrays? 

If you do, it might be because weighted blankets release a flood of "good-feeling" hormones into your body (these are similar to the hormones you feel when you're hugged or held). Weighted blankets promote the release of serotonin, melatonin, lowering nighttime cortisol levels. This updated guide can help you find the right weighted blanket. That's the goal.

The History of Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets Have been around for a couple of decades now. They're not new to the medical community, who has recommended them for everything from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to Autism Spectrum Disorder as well as Anxiety and Insomnia. It's only in the past few years, though, that weighted blankets have become more mainstream. These days, you're hearing about them all over the place. 

I wanted to gather together a semi-comprehensive guide to weighted blankets in order to help other people who are looking for the right fit. 

The Best Brands Making Weighted Blankets

When it comes to weighted blankets, each brand seems to be known for something different. This guide will dig into pricepoint, brand, and reputation. I hope this helps you find a weighted blanket that works for you.

1. The American-Made Custom Weighted Blanket, $170 (depends on size)

Since this American-made weighted blanket helps supports the Beautiful Voyager community, we're biased and think it is the best one!

2. Tennessee-Based Family Business Weighting Comforts, $195+

Weighting Comforts is run by a mother-son duo in Nashville, Tennessee. I found out about their company when they reached out after seeing last year's weighted blanket post. I liked hearing about how they employee six women through the Sew for Hope organization (a very cool nonprofit organization providing sewing machines and sewing classes for international refugees who have resettled in Middle Tennessee). 

3. The Brookstone Blanket from Bed, Bath and Beyond, $150 online

The Brookstone Weighted Blanket was one of the original blankets more widely sold to the general public, opening up the category for other brands to follow. It is not customized to a specific body type, and the description says, "Suitable for anyone weighing 20 lb. and over."

4. The Kickstarter-Funded Weighted Blanket from Gravity, $250 and up

This Gravity blanket really turned heads when it launched, raising over $3M on the Kickstarter campaign. It's also come with its fair share of controversy when the FDA cracked down on its claims.

5. Mosaic Weighted Blanket, $145 (depends on size)

I found out about Mosaic Weighted Blankets from a comment left on our 2017 weighted blanket post. This is an organic blanket and seems well-made, with many color and fabric choices..

6. Canadian-Based Company Hippo Hug, $135

The people behind Hippo Hug reached out on our 2017 Weighted Blanket Guide, sharing that their blankets can be customized to different weights and fabrics. The Hippo Hug blankets are quilted and are made by sewing two layers of batting together to create channels. Individual weights are then dropped into the channels and seams are sewn in the opposite direction. 

How Weighted Blankets Should Fit

Each brand of weighted blanket deals with fit in a different way. The Gravity blanket, for example, has 3 different sizes (small, medium, large basically). The weighted blanket we sell on the Beautiful Voyager marketplace is a little more granular. Here's the ratio we used to determine the correct weight: 10% of your body weight plus two or three pounds. You just input your body weight, and we do the rest.

This is a really important thing to understand: Weighted blankets are supposed to fit your body, not the bed. The blanket lays on top of the bed without hanging over the sides. If it does hang over the sides, you'll likely spend the entire night fighting to keep it from sliding into the floor. Who wants that?

We would love to know about your own experiences with weighted blankets.  Help other people learn from your experiences!

Please help us keep this guide up to date by sharing a comment.

How to Deal with an Anxious Boss

Anxiety is not fun for anyone.

There’s something about the workplace that seems to make even the most relaxed people tense. Dealing with your own anxiety or that of a co-worker can be challenging enough, but when it’s the boss who has anxiety, this tends to affect everyone in the office. Worse, it can create a vicious circle: an anxious boss stresses out employees—which in turn increases the boss’ anxiety, and on it goes. What’s the best way to keep everyone calm, and establish a positive and productive work environment?

Expert Insight

There are indeed certain conditions inherent in many workplace atmospheres that tend to provoke anxiety—and this can be more prevalent the higher up the corporate ladder you go. “People in leadership positions, especially those who own their own companies, can be at greater risk for mental health and medical issues given the complexity and responsibility of all they have to juggle,” says Lubna Somjee, Ph.D., Clinical/Health Psychologist and Executive Coach. “Those in leadership have to be careful to manage their own anxiety, or other distressing emotions. Otherwise, these become contagious, resulting in low morale and productivity amongst employees.”

Anxiety as a General Concept

The term “anxiety” is often used as a general way to refer to behaviors that show signs of stress. “Anxiety is a physiological experience,” says Katie Playfair, LPC, CSP, counselor and workplace behaviorist at Playfair Consulting. “It's about that feeling of impending doom, where your body is preparing for something bad to happen. Worry and planning are common cognitive responses to anxiety. Stress or stressors are things happening in the outside world that put pressure on our system (physical, psychological, and social). Bosses can become anxious like anyone else for a variety of reasons. They may have a bio-temperamental predisposition to feel anxious or a cognitive habit of worry and planning that exacerbates anxiety.”

Whether the official diagnosis is actual anxiety (in the clinical sense) or just stress-induced panic and worry, the end result for employees can be the same: everyone is tense and on edge, and probably not performing at their best. The work of the team overall is likely to suffer, which in turn will just cause more stress.

How Stress Factors into the Equation

It’s no surprise to learn that stress is often to blame for anxiety at work. “Anxiety disorders such as panic attacks, phobias, social anxiety, excessive worry, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, like diabetes, cardiac conditions and migraines, while not caused by stress, are highly stress sensitive,” said Dr. Sally Winston, Clinical Psychologist and Co-Director of the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland. “This means that workplace stress can easily make things worse in both bosses and employees prone to anxiety. Long hours can lead to poor sleep, decreased exercise and haphazard eating habits. Too much screen time and not enough people time can be unhealthy. All these are risk factors for increased anxiety.”

Bosses and Anxiety

Are bosses more prone to anxiety? Not necessarily, although it depends on who you ask. Research conducted by the American Institute of Stress seems to indicate that work can be stressful for everyone—at every level of the company hierarchy. In one AIS study, 80% of workers said they feel stress on the job, and nearly half said they need help in learning how to manage stress. When things aren’t going well, though, it’s often the boss who feels the most heat. “Like all of us, bosses are hounded with external pressures, overwhelmed with information overload, asked to deliver more with less, work longer hours, and have less personal time for renewal activities,” says Antoinette Klatzky of Eileen Fisher LifeWork and Eileen Fisher Leadership Institute. “But what happens when company profits fall or something doesn’t please shareholders? The bosses must take the blame and they are often the first to be fired.”  

How Employees Can Help

For employees lower on the food chain, their feeling of a perceived lack of power can often contribute to workplace stress. Yet ironically, they actually have quite a bit of power when it comes to causing—or alleviating—anxiety for their boss. “It's important to put yourself in their shoes when you are working with a boss like this, and recognize your boss is likely having to juggle multiple demands from potentially multiple directions,” said Somjee. “If you are able to understand what contributes to your boss’ anxiety, you might be able to help quell some of it, whether that's by having the team double check something, helping to make sure soft and hard deadlines are being met, or keeping them in the loop on certain things.”

Minimizing Your Boss’ Anxiety

There are some basic, obvious things you can do to help avoid causing additional stress for your boss. “Not getting your work done on time is sure to increase any boss’ anxiety,” notes Klatzky. “Arriving late to work, taking long lunch hours and breaks - all these behaviors are sure to cause a boss to worry that you aren’t dependable. And if you aren’t dependable, the boss will come under attack from those above him or her.” So being a reliable, dependable employee who doesn’t cause your boss undue headaches can significantly reduce office anxiety Bottom line: the things that make you shine as a star employee will also help lower your manager’s stress level.

Staying Positive—and Productive

Anxiety and stress can be contagious, so it’s important to try and protect your own mental health when things get tense in the office. “The number one rule — remain calm,” said Klatzky “Here at Eileen Fisher LifeWork, every meeting begins with a minute of silence so we can shift into a relaxed state. Most of us have studied mindfulness and practice regularly. It works. Mindfulness is the ability to intentionally pay attention to the present moment without judgment. In other words, it is the art of cultivating the ability to be in control of our own minds instead of our minds being in control of us. When we face an anxious boss, mindfulness training helps us to not react in the moment. Instead, we pause and consider our options. If the anxious boss is asking us to do something that we can’t do, we would initiate a conversation about another possible solution. Offering another solution to a demand and inviting dialogue, usually diffuses the other person’s anxiety.”

Anxiety can have individual effects in each person, so it’s important to try different approaches to see what works best for you. Anxiety and Depression Association of America recommends a multi-faceted approach for treating anxiety, both in and out of the workplace. Among the most effective treatments are therapy, medication, alternative/holistic treatments, and meditation.

Real-Life Example

Playfair offers this anecdote from her own experience as a case study about how anxiety impacts the workplace:

Early in my career, I worked for a boss, whom we'll call "Bob." I came to work for Bob as an internal transfer and everyone warned me that Bob did not like anyone he did not hire directly. I was convinced that if I worked hard to impress Bob and build a relationship with him, that I would be the first person he didn't hire that he got to like. I focused on the content of my job, yet at each check-in, Bob gave me poor feedback. So I tried harder and did the things he asked me to do. Still, he gave me bad feedback. I worked harder on the content of what Bob was asking me to do and the feedback just got worse. I left, never really knowing what happened. I later learned that Bob distrusted people he didn't hire and those who had relationships across the larger organization, especially with the executive team. I imagine given my previous role in the organization, I might have been a stressor. 

I did not have the experience nor the skills at that point in my career to ask Bob about what was really going on. Many years later, I would want to say to him, "I have really excelled in this company for the last several years I've been on the staff. I notice that my feedback suddenly worsened when I arrived here in your office. I keep trying to incorporate the feedback you've given me to make changes but I can't figure out what I'm missing. I find myself wondering what's going on and how our messages are getting crossed in weekly in-person meetings. What do you think about this?" I now know how to formulate questions that could have helped me understand Bob's world and that would have forced him to examine the fact that ultimately, he was sabotaging me and "forcing me out." I simply did not have the skills nor the tolerance of discomfort in conversations to effectively engage in that type of discussion at that time. 

Have you ever had an anxious boss? Were you able to find productive ways to communicate? Share what you learned in the comments so that others can try your techniques. 

This Celebrated German DJ Shares His Story About Anxiety

A DJ friend and fellow beautiful voyager tagged me on this video, which tells the story of German House music pioneer Danilo Plessow AKA Motor City Drum Ensemble. When I see the words "Motor City," I can only think of one place (I'm from a town not an hour from Detroit), so I was startled when I hit play on the video and heard Plessow's accent. Turns out, he grew up in Stuttgart, the "other" Motor City and home to Mercedes and Porsche headquarters. I like the description of Plessow's music on his site: simultaneously retro and futuristic.

Visit the Resident Advisor feature page: http://www.residentadvisor.net/feature.aspx?1867 Two years ago Danilo Plessow was one of the busiest DJs on the circuit. But after releasing a string of sought-after EPs and compiling a DJ-Kicks mix in 2011, the Stuttgart native known to most as Motor City Drum Ensemble suddenly disappeared from view, and his previously packed release schedule all but dried up.

The video is pretty long, but there are some key moments:

How it felt at start of the video

"Maybe two and a half years ago I started to get a bit anxious before traveling. I didn't know where it came from and what it actually was. I thought 'okay that's just a bit of performance anxiety or maybe you're afraid that the plane will crash because now you're traveling. I didn't really deeply go into it. It increased and I made a mistake not to really care about it. I thought, 'Well maybe that's something you just have to live with it you know but at one point after a pretty exhausting tour I came back and it just wouldn't stop—the anxiety state— that's when I figured out that there was something seriously wrong."

Realizing it was really an issue at 05:29

"I worked my whole life to get to the point to be able to tour and make a living with music and make people happy. At one point there was something happening to me that I couldn't really put a finger on. For some people who hear 'anxiety' it sounds a bit...'Okay, so you're anxious, what's the big deal?' But this came to a level where I couldn't sleep anymore. That's when I figured it's too much.  I can't perform I can't basically live like this." 

General Anxiety at 06:32

"With general anxiety, it's this feeling that you are about to get a panic attack but it never really comes. You're always on the edge and can't sleep and you're not hungry anymore. It's really intense. That was really the hardest month of my life. And you don't really want to go with to your friends with stuff like this because you feel a bit ashamed about it and it's not easy for people to understand."

Burnout and the physical element at 08:19

The burnout was a trigger for me to reflect on on my life in general, where I want to be what I want to be and how I want to do certain things. I've learned that [anxiety] is just it's really a physical thing. If you don't take care of your body then you will get all kinds of problems."

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Learn more about Motor City Music Enselmbe and Danilo Plessow's music.

Have you experienced burnout? Share in the comments below.

Do I Have an Anxiety Disorder or Is This Normal?

Photo by Nicole Mason

On the nights I am awake at 3 AM finishing schoolwork, I sometimes wander to Google, pulling up quick quizzes aptly named “Do You Have Anxiety?” usually based off the DSM criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. They aren’t very accurate, but being a terrible procrastinator, I go through several of these similarly-worded quizzes, and they end up saying something like, “you have a mild-to-moderate-to-high chance of having an anxiety disorder! (But of course, check with your doctor first.) ”Figuring out mental health is never a straightforward, clear-cut process as these quizzes suggest, but the ambiguity of the quiz results always raises more questions than it answers. Inevitably, I end my early morning diversion by searching something along the lines of, “When does regular anxiety become a disorder?”

According to the first search result on Google, the line that separates ‘normal’ anxiety and an anxiety disorder is the point where anxiety begins to interfere with daily functioning. That blog post might not be the most credible source of information on anxiety, but it echoes the National Institute of Mental Health which defines anxiety disorders as feelings of persistent and possibly increasing anxiousness which may “interfere with daily activities.” All these articles and late-night quizzes I click onto imply anxiety is a spectrum. And yet, mainstream narratives around anxiety often use dichotomous rhetoric. You either have an anxiety disorder, or you do not.

Some people think that language and terminology associated with anxiety disorders are being overused. A common opinion I see (scrolling through Facebook comments on articles, which perhaps isn’t the best source of meaningful discussion) is that people who identify feelings of nervousness as anxiety trivialize the experiences of those who have actually been diagnosed with anxiety. And there are some who believe anxiety disorders are overdiagnosed as a way to create a bigger market for pharmaceuticals. These are valid concerns. But they also leave me in a limbo of speculating whether I might have a problem with anxiety and convincing myself that I don’t.

I find myself stuck between the two narratives of (i) a functioning student — getting decent grades, showing up to social events, contributing adequately to my club, dragging myself to every lecture on time — and, (ii) being an anxiety-ridden student — dreading meeting people, being unable to eat before exams, sometimes getting flare-ups of Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), getting light-headed and panicky on occasion, latching on to superstitions and omens. But really, all this, one could chalk probably up to nervousness and other factors.

Socializing is a performance, and stage fright is common. Being nervous about exams is pretty typical too. The chronic indigestion and stomach cramps may have to do with my horrific college-student diet. Getting light-headed and panicky could be because of an occasional lack of food (I forget to eat sometimes). And I grew up in a somewhat superstitious East Asian society. I could just be misattributing all these issues to anxiety. Ultimately, I tell myself, it doesn’t necessarily mean I have a Real Problem.

Last night, I lay in bed worrying whether my purchase of a crocodile print shirt would lead to a death in the family. I eventually fell asleep and woke up as usual. This afternoon, I felt the tell-tale tightness around my ribcage while reading my course texts. I continued reading as usual. I was able to push through with the tightness around my chest until I finished my work. These feelings don’t interfere too much with my daily functioning. Or maybe I have simply scheduled anxiety into my daily routine, and it is not something I find too disruptive anymore. Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself. 

I appreciate that mental health has not yet derailed my life as I know it has for so many others. I recognize that there are many who experience anxiety at a much higher intensity than I do. I recognize that I am privileged in this way. But being in this gray-zone, this perpetual state of limbo, is difficult to navigate.

I experience anxiety, yet I don’t experience it enough. I experience psychosomatic discomfort, yet am not immobilized by it. My anxiety doesn’t slot easily into the category of a disorder, and yet seems to go beyond regular nervousness. I feel as though I should be able to move forward with my life, and yet, I keep coming back to the same question, to the same search tabs on Google — do I have anxiety, and do I need to get help? Is it worth jumping through the hoops of college insurance to see a medical professional? How do I justify using limited campus resources that other people might need more than I do? Do I have to make my anxiety seem debilitating enough to be taken seriously?

And is there space for people like me, in the gray-zone of disorder and not-disorder, where others may see our experiences as legitimate — not as a way to trivialize diagnosed mental illnesses on one end, and not as a mere fault of character on the other? 

Maybe, but not yet.

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Have your taken quizzes like the one Jessica describes? Share your experience in the comments below.

Love in Tough Times: How to Help Your Partner Deal with Anxiety

Advice from two guys with years of experience.

The bear I live with.

My friend Kate and I were discussing an important, under-explored perspective of anxiety: the partner's. 

Those of us with anxiety often have husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, roommates, or  best friends who have been forced to  learned right alongside us. It can be just as much of a struggle for them as it is for us.

Here are some of the smaller gestures that have worked for us from our caring, smart partners. This is really their list, not ours.

Break the Cycle

1. "I find that if I'm getting caught in my own thoughts and spiraling up, my husband has learned to come along and take the iPhone from me, or the spoon from my hand if I'm cooking, and squeeze my shoulder. The physical grounding brings me back to the moment."

2. "I get a gentle nudge to take care of myself. He may offer to take care of our kid so that I can exercise, sleep, take a bath, etc, reminding me that I need to focus on my health.

3. "Sometimes, sadly, I need more than a nudge. I feel bad about it, but I am so appreciative that there are times when my partner just tells me (lovingly) to go to bed. I need the sleep, and to get out of the loop, but it's hard for me to realize it in the moment. Ditto take a walk and get out of my head."

4. "I've noticed that a change in environment is huge for me. My husband will get us out of the house. I don't know if it's the barometric pressure or the body temperature change or what, but when I feel the woods breeze on my skin, I immediately start to feel better."

5. "My partner has helped figure out what I describe as 'two sentences' or 'mantra' on certain topics. When I get stuck, he reminds me what my two sentences are, and they help me get unstuck. My favorite lately is 'Close and delete.' I say it constantly, and it works.'"

 Thanks to the partners and friends everywhere for taking care of us and loving us. 

6. "This one is really hard but it works so well for me. If someone can make me laugh about my catastrophizing, while still understanding it, I instantly feel better. 'Yes, the garbage outside looks fuller than usual for garbage day. Maybe it will start to pile up and take over our house! The street! The neighborhood!' Once I start laughing, I'm feeling better.'"

7. "The 20-second (minimum) hug, proven to release oxytocin."

8. "He picks me up and cracks my back."

9. This one came in from Facebook from Angela, and I really liked it because it brings up another angle entirely--parenting! "Along with hugs, this kid's book has some helpful tips (for all ages): A Boy and A Bear, by Lori Lite." I found a video version of the book here on Youtube. It's incredibly relaxing.

This post was originally published February 7, 2016, then updated on March 24, 2018.

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What do you do to help your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse with anxiety? Share in the comments!

How to Avoid Wasting Your Weekend Binge-Watching TV

Stoic Advice from a First Century Philosopher

Seneca the Younger lived from around 4 B.C. to 65 A.D.

From the watch on our wrist to the phone in our pockets; from the dashboard in our cars to the walls in our boardrooms and classrooms; from our TVs to our nightstands. Time. It's an indubitable part of our existence, an integral piece of our understanding of our world, an earmark of our daily maneuverings.

Just like our car breaks down, our heels wear-out, our milk spoils, Time expires over...time. Most of us have been a long life to live but how much longer do we really have? Decades? Years? 

Why are we so confident in our longevity? It can be given and given and given, and then gone — just like that — without notice, without warning, without expectation. 

Now, what if we lived with the mindframe of Memento mori?

In Seneca’s first letter in his Letters from a Stoic, he writes about the nature of time to his friend, Lucilius. He encourages his friend–and us–to “gather and save our time.” Is that possible? Can we gather Time like we would gather flowers from a garden? 

Seneca, even in his day, was aware how time can be “forced from us, or filched away, or merely slipped from our hands.” We can all admit how cultural expectations and social influences “force” us to spend our time in certain ways: binge-watching TV shows on weekends, scrolling through news feeds that abounds to hours, listening to nothing but jams on a road-trip. 

The question is: What’s the end? What’s the aim? What’s the target?

Seneca continues:

The most disgraceful kind of loss…is due to carelessness. Furthermore, if you will pay close heed to the problem, you will find that the largest portion of our life passses while we are doing ill, a goodly share while we are doing nothing, and the whole while we are doing that which is not the purpose.

I don’t think binge-watching some shows, or flicking-up, flicking-down on social media would be seen by most as so-called “careless.” But a Stoic thinker would ask about the rationale that goes beyond just the activity in and of itself. 

“Doing ill” can be interpreted in our time as being unsatisfied, frustrated, joyless, angry, or anxious. We seek to become more satisfied. We find ways to release that frustration. We jump from one-thing-to-another to escape a joyless state. We ruffle our feathers and become consumed in anger. We distract ourselves to assuage any anxiety.

These emotional vicissitudes impinge on our slowly dwindling and hence valuable Time. Are we using It wisely? Is our choice to use our Time actually making us “ill”? We have to own sliding into dissatisfaction, growing into frustration, falling into joylessness, steaming into anger, and fretting to anxiety. And what is the product of these self-imposed circumstances? Nothing but more of it. 

We find little purpose and little productiveness to being soaked in dissatisfaction, flurried in frustration, stepped in miserableness, treading water in anger, and frazzled in angst. 

Seneca saw each day as not living but “dying daily.” And — as gloomy-and-gray as it is — he’s right. Our skin dies, our mind ages, our entire body breaks-down, our relationship will last less-and-less, and our Time is ticking, ticking, towards zero.  

Fearing death, we may reframe the way Seneca does: “the major portion of death has already passed.” With what we do, we are relinquishing our Time. Who’s in possession of our Time? Pleasure or purpose? Loss or love? Life or death?

Seneca implores: “Hold every hour into our grasp.”

It’s progressively challenging — and even counterculture — for us to attend to each hour as it passes. We live on a ceaseless treadmill, a never-ending loop of tasks, commitments, places-to-be and people-to-see. Drive-thrus-over-sit-downs, texting-over-conversation, followers-over-true friends. We settle for what is fast, convenient, and quantitatively larger (and thus qualitatively insignificant). 

Many times we “postpone” what’s really important, such as: one-on-one time with family, time to reflect on this past year, making a needed lifestyle change. We get caught-up in the current, diverted by the lights, enraptured by the rhythm. We become reactionary, unpredictable, and shortsighted. And accordingly, “life speeds by.” 

Seneca holds that our Time is “entrusted” to us. From this lens, our Time is believed to be sacred, special, salient. If we would subscribe to this philosophy, how much different would we go about things? We wouldn’t procrastinate nor hope nor wish nor un-appreciate nor look-past.

Most of us avoid — painstakingly, hypervigilantly, with dedication — to be in debt: credit card fees, mortgage payments, student loans. We repel having pending financial matters that hang-over-our-heads, that burden us, that linger around every corner. But why don’t we see that the poor decisions that we make so regularly with our Time have us in another type of “debt”? We are “loaned” Time, this “precious commodity,” by the Earth but we're bad stewards of it. If we value ourselves and we value our lives, then we would — logically — value our Time.

We would take it as our duty to use our Time in the best manner (which is determined and decided-upon with prudence, judiciousness, and patience). 

Many say that they live their lives to the fullest (and many believe they do). Well, then that would matter is your definition of “the fullest.” This common platitude that men and women, young and old alike regurgitate typically carries-out “the fullest” as the most pleasurable, the most desirable, the most attractive, the most expensive, the most fun. And Seneca would retort of those who standby this: “What fools these mortals be!” Why? — because “The Most” is short-lived, and thus, trivial, insubstantial, and folly.

If Time is money, then many are suffering in poverty. Their “expenditures” expire quickly and last not long. Their choices on what to use their Time on makes them uninformed customers, unwise shoppers, and asinine buyers. They get that and this because he or she did. If you question them on their reason, their thought-process behind their use of Time, they’ll be unprepared and ashen when pressed for an answer. 

Nevertheless, soon enough you’ll be approaching “the dregs of the cask,” the remaining crumbs, the last drop, the final pick of your Time. Will you reflect with satisfaction on how you lived your life, or will you look back with regret? We can decide now to live-out each day that we’re given, responsibly. We do this by awareness and appreciation for being alive, for having things and people we love and enjoy. And so, we can really live our lives to the fullest.

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breven bell writes for Beautiful Voyager, Invisible Illness, and Thoughts and Ideas on Medium. Follow him on Twitter.

Why Anxiety Is a Physical Illness

This isn't author Kelly Dudzik, but it's a photo of a determined person, and that's what dealing with the physical elements of anxiety is all about.

Apparently, I’ve been to the psychiatric emergency room. I don’t remember it.

My mom picked me up from my college dorm room and took me there. I vaguely remember a waiting room with maroon chairs but that’s it.

I had a hard time adjusting to the thought of college. It had nothing to do with worrying about getting into the school I wanted, but everything to do with my anxiety. I worried about leaving home, even though it would only be a 20-minute drive away. I worried about meeting new people, even though people usually like me. I worried about being lonely, even though I would be surrounded by people.

But going to college is what valedictorians do, so I went. And the first week actually went well. I had prepared myself mentally, running different scenarios in my head and trying to prepare for every possibility before it happened. I was surprised at how well it went. Then I stopped eating.

Food made me sick; my body just couldn’t handle it. My mom came up to eat with me, but it didn’t help. Eventually even the smell of food made me sick, and I avoided it all together. I lived on crackers and water and my frame whittled down to 100 pounds; I could take off my pants without unbuttoning them.

I couldn’t make it through a class without crying. I would be sitting there and everything would be fine, when suddenly I was overcome with fear and I could feel my eyes pricking with tears. I would excuse myself, take my stuff, and sob my way back to my dorm.

Several times I was too distraught to get on the bus and had to have my sister come pick me up. She never understood what the problem was because whenever she came to pick me up, I was always calm and composed. My sister never realized that the reason I looked relaxed was because she was there.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was having panic attacks. A panic attack is a misnomer: it should be called a fear attack. I wasn’t panicking; I was overwhelmed by fear. My adrenaline rose, my vision narrowed, and I started hyperventilating. I was afraid, but I had no reason for it. There was no one chasing me, no one hurting me. I simply experienced the fear associated with it. I became so overwhelmed that I sobbed as a release.

I had very physical symptoms from my anxiety:

1. Nausea from the smell of food

2. Constant diarrhea

3. Breathing was shallow and insufficient

4. Crying/meltdown episodes several times throughout the day

5. Inability to focus and memory loss

6. Repetitive, obsessive, cyclical thoughts

7. Unable to function at a basic social level

8.  Restless and light sleep

And so, one night my mom took me to the psychiatric ER. According to her, I called her, but she couldn’t understand me, I was crying so hard. And she couldn’t calm me down like she’d been able to do before.

The ER doctor gave me a Xanax and referred me to the university’s psychological counseling services that are free for students and teachers. My mom took me the next day, but I don’t remember going there either. They gave me the name of a psychiatrist who changed my life.

That psychiatrist gave me a prescription for Xanax and told me to see her in a few days after it started working. I had no qualms about taking a psychotropic drug. If it made me feel better and helped me function, who cared about the social stigma? I knew what was happening to me wasn’t something I could just ‘walk off’ or ‘get over’ and so I refused to feel bad about taking drugs if they helped.

I remember the exact moment the Xanax kicked in. I was walking down my dorm hallway and I looked into the face of a boy. He smiled a little and passed me. I stopped. I realized I hadn’t been looking people in the face since I got to college because I was always looking down. My anxiety was still there; I was a nervous wreck and still had massive intestinal distress, but I no longer felt like I was drowning in it.

Anxiety is like drowning.

Your head is just below the surface of the water and you can’t break free. Your heart squeezes tight and you can’t breathe. You panic and think you’re going to die. What’s remarkable is that no one around you seems to notice you’re drowning. You want to yell out for help but there’s water in your mouth and nose and down your throat. You are dying and no one realizes.

Illustration: Thomas Dudzik

My anxiety was a rolling ocean, but I finally had my head above water. I wasn’t on dry land but at least I could breathe. My psychiatrist said that medication usually helps people realize what they’ve been feeling; it helps people take a step back from themselves. Then therapy can be more effective. Xanax helped hold my head above the water. I wasn’t cured, but I could breathe again.

Once the Xanax kicked in, my psychiatrist gave me homework. She had me write down all the symptoms of my panic attacks in the order they happened. Seeing it written down made me less afraid. I also saw that the panic attack would build up slowly and in a very specific order. I had thought the panic attacks had come on suddenly and without warning. I was constantly afraid of rogue waves. But it turned out, there were no rogue waves; everything followed a very specific order and timeline. Whenever the symptoms started, I was able to identify them and say to myself, “Oh, I’m about to have a panic attack,” instead of suddenly being overwhelmed by it. I was able to identify the symptoms in enough time that I could steer the ship away from the wave, letting the panic attack pass me by completely.

My psychiatrist told me to write down my thoughts with the physical symptoms. It became very obvious what was causing the panic attacks. My psychiatrist explained to me that I get into black and white thinking: everything is either going to be the best thing that ever happened to me or the worst thing that ever happened to me. When something doesn’t live up to the high standards of being the best and is simply, say, just okay, my mind says that the opposite is true and that the most terrible thing is about to happen to me. My psychiatrist had me come up with and repeat a mantra: “Everything could be fine, could be bad. Let life happen.” I repeated that to myself every single time anything happened that I didn’t plan for. I wouldn’t be surprised if I repeated it to myself hundreds of times a day in the beginning. The mantra was a comfort to me, kind of like repeating to yourself there’s nothing scary in the basement as you walk down the steps.

I didn’t really see how any of that was going to cure the massive physical symptoms I had but the psychiatrist had been right so far so I kept at it. And a funny thing happened: it started working. I immediately stopped having crying meltdowns. I would still get overwhelmed but now I had to foresight to take a deep breath and tell myself to calm down, that everything was fine, let life happen, be in the moment, see what happens. My body started to relax and released the death grip it had on my stomach, allowing me to finally eat food. I gorged on all the food I had missed out and quickly gained back the weight I lost.

Finally eating and sleeping better, I realized I had anxiety due to a feeling of lack of control. I would state what kind of day it was going to be and then be a nervous wreck in case it didn’t turn out that way. I was like a party hostess, determined to have everything go perfectly, except I didn’t have waiters to complain to if the shrimp puffs ran out; I only had myself to blame and I did so horribly. I was a bridezilla but only berated myself.

Nothing had to actually go wrong for me to have anxiety. In fact, it didn’t matter what the day was like because I had anxiety. I was constantly worried about everything; I felt like I needed to be in control but couldn’t keep up with all the possible ways the day could turn out. People with anxiety are in a constant state of paranoid hyper-vigilance. They see everything and are very jumpy. Their mind races to sort out all the information while new information continues to come in. They cannot keep up. On top of cataloguing new information, a person with anxiety also comes up with every possible outcome of each situation. It is simply too much information and they cease being able to function.

Slowly, I got better. I was able to head off panic attacks before they started by using the mantra. I never would have been able to do it without the Xanax, but after a month, I was off the meds and just using the mantra. And college got better and I actually enjoyed it because of the tools my psychiatrist gave me.

If you need medication and/or professional help, please get some. And if you’re too far gone to be able to get the help yourself, please ask someone to help you. I was lucky enough my mother is amazing. There would have been no way I would have been able to drive myself to the emergency psych ward; I don’t even remember being there. And my mom navigated the confusing insurance claims for me. Again, I was in no state to deal with those. I was too busy holding on for dear life while the waves threatened to drown me. In this case, I needed someone to take the wheel from me. I needed someone to handle things for me.

If someone fell off a roof and broke every bone in their body, you’d drive them to the hospital or call an ambulance. You wouldn’t plead with them to get help while they laid there, and then get mad when they don’t move. You would physically help them. Mental illness is a physical illness and needs physical help. Sometimes the person will say they are fine while they bleed out. It sucks because in those cases, they can refuse to get in the car. But eventually, they will realize it is out of hand and they need help. And you need to be there ready to go when they finally confess they can’t handle it. You need to know the way to the hospital or a psychiatrist in their insurance plan. Just like you would if the person had broken their leg. Again, it can suck. But if you love the person with mental illness, you will do it. The alternative can literally be death for them.

If you don’t have someone who can help you, find someone. Do it now while you are still able to read this book and remember it. Find a support group who will care if something happens to you. Put the suicide hotline number in your phone. Don’t be afraid to call 911. An emergency is an emergency.

Kelly Dudnik Creator of travel blog lousieandclaire.com.

Kelly Dudnik is the creator of travel blog lousieandclaire.com. Read more of her work on Medium.

How Anxiety Affects the Body: A Poem

Photo by Nick Schumacher

Body of anxiety

Let’s take it from the top

The head, the throbbing head

Filled with wires,

Snapping and flailing

Chancing connection

Through misfiring neurons

That reach the neck

Taut with unnoticed tension

Glued to the head —

And to the back

In one immovable block

Arms, the floating arms

Detached at times

Or tethered too tight

In their fight

To escape the body

But their fidgets belie

Their purpose —

to squeeze, to hold, to grab

on to something firm

A counterweight, a countermeasure

From steadier times

Days when the the legs moved

In much the same way

And covered distances

Effortless, breathless distances

Still, to this day they move

Trudging forward

One by one, the same way

Whether trouncing ruins

of old dreams

or delicate shards

of future remnants

Which are pointy objects

That pierce the feet

and prick the skin

Sending shockwaves

back to the head

---

Jordan Brown is the founder of Nerve 10, the website he created. It's named after the "connects the brain to body structures as varied and important as the heart, the lungs, the intestines, and the colon." Read more here.