A Clear Case of Anxiety in Motion

How the desire to cross something off the list can lead to bad work

Note: I sent this out as an email the day after my last newsletter, “What’s Up With the Unconscious Mind?”

I was in the middle of finishing up my newsletter for the social network of overthinkers, bevoya.com. Alone and taking care of my 6-year-old daughter, a work issue suddenly popped up. Though I was distracted and I hadn’t completely finished my process of nailing down what I wanted to say in the newsletter, I hit send. I wanted the dopamine hit. I wanted to move on.

People don’t usually unsubscribe from the bevoya newsletter. But after rushing and sending this one out, 2 people unsubscribed pretty quickly. I was upset and disturbed. Not because people had decided what I was creating wasn’t for them. I was upset because I hadn’t given myself the spaceto finish my work and send it when it was ready to go. My anxiety to finish and feel done had pushed me to hit send before I was really ready to. I needed more space.

How does the space work?

I keep pondering this idea of space. The best way I can describe it is: the space to create. Focused relaxation.

If I were to do it over, I would have forced myself to wait to send that newsletter. I would have rewritten it when I had time. I would have achieved the completion of my thought and felt my conclusion click, nailing the ending (a very different feeling than the dopamine-send hit).

Make space for yourselves, friends. That’s the takeaway here. You don’t need to rush everything. Especially the things you are doing to help yourself feel better.

Love, Meredith

p.s. In case you’re curious, you can read the original version of the newsletter and the version I ended up posting here on Medium, after I gave myself some space to connect the pieces of thinking.

My First Attempt at Live Streaming Video on Facebook

If you want to see my initial stumbles, watch the whole thing. If you just want to cut to the chase, skip the first 2:41. I left all of that in because I want others who wrestle technology not to feel alone. The whole learning curve is so huge that I try to share these struggles...but I don't want it to make for terribly boring video, either. :)

The topic of the video is "What is strange? What is normal? How can you tell if you're strange?"

3 Great Exercises for Mindful Movement

I think of Luis Rivera MS as my "anatomy guy." What the hell does that mean? It means that in the Beautiful Voyager Slack room, when there's a question about physiology, he is the one I turn to. He's got a Master of Science in Exercise and Rehabilitation Science and a whole lot more.

Luis also has a newsletter where he shares thoughts from his own coaching perspectives as well as basic mindfulness exercises like these. I asked Luis if he would mind if I shared these exercises with you, and he said,

"I hope folks find them beneficial as many are beginning to find the benefits of mindful movement."

That was very Luis of him.

Standing Praise Release

1. Stand nice and tall (If you can only sit, then sit nice and tall so your spine is as aligned as possible).

2. Slowly lift your hands in front of you as if they had balloons on the ends of the wrist (using as little force as possible).

3. Keep lifting your hands until they are directly vertical.
4. Once they are above your head turn your palms up.
5. Breathe deeply into your belly.
6. Repeat the breath 3-9 times.
7. Drop your hands by turning your palms to their original neutral position.
8. Float the hands back down slowly.
9. End your session.

"I use this every day. It is part of many qigong forms in many arts across the world, so I hope you benefit from it greatly." 

Hip Release

1. Stand with both feet about shoulder width apart.
2. Put both hands around the top of your hip bones. It's much higher on guys than women.
3. When you find the top of your hips relax your hands into your side.
4. Take a breathe and nice and let your shoulders relax.
5. Once you feel relaxed in that position, turn to the left without turning your legs. Use only the waist. Don't use your knees.
6. Breathe in and out as you face the left. As you take the next breath out, come back to the center standing neutral.
7. Do the same thing to the other side. Turn to the right side and breathe deeply, allowing the breath to come to the bottom areas of your lungs. On the last out breath turn back to your center.
8. Note: most folks find it easier to turn when they are breathing out, but try both to feel your muscles balance out the tension in your back.
9. If at anytime you feel dizzy with any movement please stop the exercise immediately.

Breathing exercise

1. Close your eyes.
2. Touch the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth.
3. Breathe in through your nose.
4. Fill your lungs. Let the air out your mouth.
5. Feel the air swirl as you repeat the process.
6. There is no force.
7. Just let the breathing settle into you.
8. Continue for 5 minutes.

"I want this exercise to remind people that their lives matter for more than just work and to survive."

What’s Up With the Unconscious Mind?

It’s always listening.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — C.G. Jung

A couple of days ago I got into an interesting conversation with a favorite coworker in our little office kitchenette.

(As a child of the 80s, I have a strange nostalgia for office coffee machine and water cooler chats).

We were discussing the subconscious mind and how weird it is. How and why does it know things we (consciously) don’t?

He described a talk he once gave to a big group. Since he’s never had trouble with public speaking, he arrived ready to go. But his body was sending signals that something was wrong. Sweats, hot flashes, a nauseated stomach. What was going on?

Best clips from the movie Airplane

His unconscious mind knew something he didn’t about his confidence that day.

We both agreed that it’s incredibly strange our unconscious thoughts are able to exert this kind of influence on our bodies. (Remember, the seed of this project was my realization that thinking was affecting my body in extreme ways.)

The More You Know

Learning the cause of my pain was internal changed my thinking about the world around me. It made me want to understand as much as I can about the mind’s potential and use it to my (and others’) advantage.

Two people on the Slack channel were discussing British therapist and motivational speaker named Marisa Peer. (I know that the words “motivational speaker” will cause an immediate negative reaction — conscious and unconscious — in some of you, and I’m sorry for that friends, haha.)

Peer describes some of the same basic tenants that this Mayo Clinic video, “A Very Happy Brain,” does:

It all boils down to one simple fact: Our brains believe what we tell them to believe. Unlock beliefs that are causing you pain (Peer gives a bunch of examples of these types of beliefs, from as simple as “Mondays suck” to as profound as “I am not enough,”) and teach your brain to think differently.

Knowledge in Action

Back to my coworker. He didn’t believe he was nervous. What could he have done to change his unconscious mind?

1. Investigate the source of the fear (it can be deep). You know when you find it cause it’s the idea that buzzes more than the others in that quasi-painful way.

2. Stay with the fear through meditation or simply conscious awareness.

3. Create a sentence to unearth it and redirect it in more positive way. The example Peer gives is, “I am enough.”

4. Then see if the sweats/stomach pain/headaches are still around the way they were before.

Let me know if it worked!

Love, Meredith

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This post first appeared in the Beautiful Voyager newsletter. Subscribe here.

Will Ferrell May Have Hacked the Rat Maze

I've written about the concept of flow in this newsletter before, but as time passes, I'm realizing that flow is a lot like Anchorman:

“I’m in a glass case of emotion!” — Ron Burgundy

Kind of a big deal.

Here's why. Flow is the north star that helps us through struggle.

Example: A fellow BV is facing a hard time. His relationship is at a breaking point and the startup he's heading is pushing him to his limits. He asked, "What can I do? I feel like I've tried everything possible. I'm confused and hurt."  

It wasn't easy for me to figure out what to say. I don't have all of the answers (far from it). But after sitting quietly for a few long minutes I realized I had learned something useful in my voyaging to date: In the middle of a storm, what you can do is seek out flow.

He asked, "Is this like Csíkszentmihályi's book, Flow?"

Yes. Kind of. I bet that flow means something different to everyone. To me, it simply means thinking and acting without struggle. 

Three Small Flow-Finding Tips:

• Do morning pages.
• If you're struggling at work, take note of what comes easily to you. Do more of that thing.
• If you find yourself saying "what if" or "if only," realize that they are flow killers. Don't chastise yourself for saying them, just put them to the side and return to the seeking of flow.

Flow on friends,

Meredith

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This post first appeared in the Beautiful Voyager newsletter. Subscribe here.

Never Talk Religion or Politics

One’s been unavoidable. Might as well tackle the other.

A statement made recently in the BV Slack room — the meeting place of overthinkers — really resonated with me.

The Beautiful Voyager is closely related to AA meetings but without all the mumbo jumbo involved.

It’s true. You’ll never hear me refer to a higher power (unless it’s David Bowie).

When it comes to religion, my status is:

However…

There are definite similarities between my path of moving through anxiety and the approach religious friends take.

Meditation

Seen another way, meditation is a lot like prayer. Both involve a break in daily routines and the gaining of a new perspective.

Community

Service to others and the building of community are key components of many religions. My secular approach revolves around the belief that caring for others is an important selfish act that helps the brain in similar ways meditation/prayer does. (In this case, selfish is nothing to be afraid of.) Helping others to help yourself is a societal good and net positive.

The Strongest Thread

Perhaps the strongest thread that connects the work of the Beautiful Voyager to religious thought is my core struggle to accept that I cannot control the world around me.

Relinquishing control. That must be what faith feels like.

Love, Meredith

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This post first appeared in the Beautiful Voyager newsletter. Subscribe here.

How to Process Communal Disbelief and Shock

Something terrible has happened. Everyone is upset. What now?

Let's start by trying to find perspective. Ask yourself these questions:

What can you change?

Remember: You have an extremely limited ability to affect change regarding what's happened. You have a limitless capacity to worry. Identify what you can and can't change, then create your own personal lines of engagement. Stick with what you can change. Let go of the rest.

Who do you need to protect?

Who I care about most.

• If you have a child, it's up to you to protect them from the pain you're feeling and adult perspective you have. This means using tactics to help protect your own mental health in order to protect theirs.
• At times of crisis, focus on the people you care about most in order to refocus yourself on something positive and good.

Otherwise, who wins?

Do not let racism, misogyny, and ignorance indirectly affect you by thinking about them all the time. Refocusing is crucial for your mental health.

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What your actions looks like, tactically.

Vent.

As much as needed, but in safe places. In person venting is ideal. Be creative when you can--make yourself and others laugh through the pain.

Find Mental Distance.

Remember when you were young, and politics was at best an afterthought? Did you have a period like that in your life?

Go back to it.

Take a long view. 

What would a 90 year-old say?

Avoid the news and social media as much as possible.

It can't actually help right now.

Send positivity to others and feel connected to them.

Smiles from the members of Facebook group Pantsuit Nation.

This morning I smiled at every non-white face I saw. Because if it's hard to be me this morning, it's even harder to be them. Imagine feeling directly targeted. Protect your fellow citizens by sending them positive feelings and feeling them in return.

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I'm writing this because I'm working to process it myself. Attempting to cobble together tactics helps me find a way to help protect myself at a difficult time. I would love to hear what's working for others in the upcoming days and weeks. Share here in comments or in Bevoya Haus.

When the problem isn’t what you think.

I had two very different conversations yesterday. Both of them underscored the same undeniable truth: When we need it most, it’s hard to achieve perspective.

The first conversation took place with a fellow Beautiful Voyager. Something was bothering him. He was spinning. I tried advice, but quickly realized it didn’t help.

Why? Because the problem wasn’t whatever he was describing. The problem was that he was in a moment of distorted thinking. What he needed was help regaining perspective.

The second conversation centered on a difficult career decision faced by one of my oldest and closest friends. She’s been waking up in the night, weighing pros and cons, looking for the right path.

It took a while, but eventually I shifted from information-gathering to intuition and feeling. There was fear in my friend’s voice. Why was it there?

Through conversation, we shifted the perspective from untangling details to untangling fear. Once we saw the fear for what it was, the whole picture got a lot clearer.

The more I work on this project and understand how anxiety and overthinking affect us, the more I’m convinced the root is a loss of perspective.

I’d love us to Leonardo da Vinci this situation together and gather up perspective-winning tips for each other. Anyone who’s felt it knows it’s true: gaining insight in the middle of a distorted perspective shitshow…feels like a work of art.

Love, Meredith

p.s. If a tactic springs to mind, share it here!

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This post first appeared in the Beautiful Voyager newsletter. Subscribe here.