If you said to me, 15 years ago…

Sculpture by José Manuel Castro López.

“You are going to love hanging out with engineers,”

I would have thought you were crazy.

---

If you said (when I was a young editor working in NY book publishing),

In 15 years, you’ll spend each day relearning the engineer’s approach to problem-solving. You’ll learn to break Large into Smaller. You’ll always start with Known.

This engineer’s approach will put you at ease. It will make you a better writer,

I would have scrunched my nose and forehead in confusion.

---

I didn’t understand then that emotions, though rife with information, are transitory.

I thought diving deep into thoughts and feelings was the most important work.

---

When I say to NOW people (who used to be THEN people),

I love working all day with engineers,

They have my same forehead scrunch.

---

Change is confusing. Change is scary.

---

Now I say,

The human capacity for reinvention is limited by two things.

One: Exposure to new ways of thinking and being.

Two: An understanding of the self.

Then I nod.

Finally, nodding.

Dedicated to the software engineers and developers I’ve worked with who have helped me see things differently through rigor and patience. Thank you.

The Overthinker's Emoji

I've thought about this so you don't have to.

Snapchat

For when you need to tell someone, "I've been overthinking my way into insomnia."

The easy way to say, "I'd rather stick my head into a sandy pit than think about this for one more minute."

The official emoji of The Beautiful Voyager.

When you want to tell someone that yes, you're an overthinker, but you're soft, fluffy, and pretty chill, too.

Facebook

Finally! The emoji that allows us to express, "These 3 thought bubbles could be hanging here for a long, long time."

A favorite of the overthinker. Who doesn't want to hide in the pages of a great book? Beware tho, recipients of this emoji. Too much research can cause adverse effects for your overthinking  loved one.  

An easy way to answer the question, "Whatcha doing?" without having to actually say the words out loud.

The emoji for people who feel like no one gets them exactly. An overthinker's emoji if ever there was one.

iPhone 

This is grinning???? Either way, a safe emoji for overthinkers. We use, and others think we mean grinning, but we know it's actually teeth-clenching while trying to smile cause not think 10 steps ahead of the conversation at hand.

How else are you going to say overthinking detective?

We would never use this. Way too literal.

A Loose Stab at a BV Podcast: Listen to People Pleasing

This appeared during a search for "juicy." That's how I think of the Topic we're covering today.

If you haven't heard it before, a few things to note about The Beautiful Voyager podcast:

• It's recorded and served entirely through an app called Anchor. This means you can't subscribe to it through your normal channels. You can listen to it here or if you have downloaded Anchor.
• It is in a format that is unique to Anchor, where it's broken up into "waves." There is an initial 2-minute wave, and then subsequent 1-minute waves. Each are labeled by topic.
• Sometimes you'll hear people ask question in the middle of the podcast. Anchor is incredibly interactive, which is its strength, but it can make for confusing listening.
• The current episode, embedded below, is episode 3. To hear previous episodes and read about the origins of the podcast, check out this post.

Without further ado...

The First Launch of The Beautiful Voyager Podcast

Ricardo and I recording our intercontinental podcast

You are looking at the two hosts of the inaugural Beautiful Voyager podcast recording an early episode as it sets sail. Imagine it as a modern day KonTiki stubbornly nudging its way along looking for the trade winds. Take a listen to our trailer, released March 3:

Ric (an illustrator who lives in Japan and is as wonderful as he sounds) and I met through Anchor, the incredible app I've been spending a lot of time on and that I've written about here.

We quickly went on to create our first episode called Biases & Disclaimers on March 4:

Earlier tonight we launched our second episode! It's called The Anxious Child. Check it out.

If you listen through, you'll hear an amazing set of comments and questions following the podcast. This is why we chose Anchor as the space for our podcast, unusual though it might be. We really wanted it to be a collaboration with the community there. And we would love others to join too! Just take a listen to these episodes and comment wherever you like--on Facebook, Twitter, or here. We'll be sure to share your thinking on the wave so that it gets discussed with a larger group.

Here's to new frontiers and setting sail!

A New App Called Anchor & The Power of Vulnerability to Heal Stress

The director of the 1959 comedy Pillow Talk loved the split screen technique. Is this why he chose a script about a party line, perhaps?

At 7:08 AM this morning my 6-year-old daughter see-sawed on the edge of a temper tantrum. She didn’t want to be standing on a cold wooden floor in her nightgown. She was ready to fight every to-do on the unhappy Monday morning list scrolling out in front of her.

Don’t underestimate the strength of a cranky cowgirl.

As she started to howl I took a deep breath and said, “I’m actually kind of nervous.” She stopped and looked at me with a mixture of surprise and skepticism. “Why are you nervous?” she asked.

“I’m going to have to start looking for a job soon,” I said. “I don’t want people to reject me and say no.”

“Well if they do…you just keep asking until someone says yes.” She walked to the dresser and grinned. Then suddenly she was putting on her pants.

Wait, what happened there? Why was she able to interrupt her tantrum to help me? And why did that, in turn, seem to make her feel better?

---

hey, whatcha talking about on that party line?

For a little over a week, I’ve been logging (many) hours on a new app called Anchor. It calls itself “radio by the people.” In truth, it’s more like those telephone party lines from the 60s moved to a beautiful shiny new modern home. The fun and simplicity of the app belies something deep that’s taking place there every day.

But first, a look at Anchor and how it works.

It starts with speaking out loud to your phone. You record a 2-min-or-under message and then you caption it. Here’s an example of one of mine. (This is what it looks like if you hit one of the discussions from social media, i.e. you’re not a user and you’ve just had a wave shared with you):

https://anchor.fm/w/9AA2D0

If you’re a member of the community and using the app itself, this is what that same discussion looks like:

You play through each response in order, scrolling down and responding as you go if you choose. As you can see, it’s an asynchronous spoken conversation with people who start as strangers. (That just sounded like the beginning of an 80s sitcom. Cue Balki Bartokomous.)

Anchor is being used in all sorts of ways. And here’s where it gets interesting for someone examining the role of anxiety in our culture. Anchor is particularly revealing about the transformative power of vulnerability.

I surely don’t have to convince you that stress and anxiety are issues facing America today. We live in an era where people are always looking for new ways to escape. The entire Trump campaign is a barnacle that is capitalizing off of the human desire for relief and escape from stress.

This is how Anchor fits in: In the two weeks I’ve used it, I’ve received more clearer and more direct objective perspectives on my thoughts and feelings than on any of the other platforms combined. The people I’ve met are funny, smart, and thoughtful. We’re from a wide variety of backgrounds. We all share something in common: we want to share our experiences to help others and we want to keep the conversations real. It's the interplay of helping others and being helped through new perspectives that leads to a true calming of stress symptoms.

Growing up in the Midwest as a Gen X’er, stoicism and individualism were highly prized and coveted traits. If you felt undue stress or needed help, you’d do it privately, seeking out an “expert.” My experience on Anchor reinforces for me that things are changing. We’re now looking for help in all directions. We know that by helping others, we help ourselves, and that it feels good. Anchor creates a space for an easy give-and-take — especially for people who are willing to be vulnerable. Since the help many of us need is to trust ourselves, learning to be vulnerable is an important first step. Vulnerability is a daunting challenge for the anxious and stressed among us.

This brings us back to my daughter and this morning. What was it about me revealing my nervousness that immediately calmed her down?

I have a few speculations. By revealing myself, I may have helped her:

- Feel less alone.

- Show her how much she knows and how she can learn from herself. “Just keep asking!”

- Feel strong and insightful.

- Maybe I should ask my Anchor crew what they think about it.

It may seem counterintuitive, but when a cranky cowgirl is about to start screaming in front of you, leading with your own fear can be the bravest thing you can do.

The Winging It Spotlight on TWIGG How-To

I'm a big fan of the TWIGG How-to mission: "creating a damsel-free world, one article at a time." The women behind this project reached out and asked if they could reproduce my first piece on GAD, as well as run a short interview. I was honored that they wanted to feature me in their spotlight series. I wrote the piece in order to reach women in their 20s who have anxiety and don't realize it (as I didn't).  Here's the first pull quote they chose to illustrate. It really sums up everything I hoped to do there, and still feel is important here.

Khan Academy's take on Generalized Anxiety Disorder

If you have a 6 minutes to spare and you haven't run out of your data plan for the month yet (the way I have), take a look at the Khan Academy Generalized Anxiety video on your way to work in tomorrow's Lyft. The bad news is since you're already reading this, you already know that you or someone you love has GAD. You also already know, for the most part, everything you are going to see in the video.

This makes me wonder: Who is the video for, exactly?

• It's not for people who have GAD and are diagnosed. We don't talk about it the way that Matthew Twohig does, in that "list of worry behaviors" manner. We don't like to think about our worry too much cause it stresses us out.

• It's not for people who have GAD and are undiagnosed. They wouldn't recognize themselves in it. If I had seen it 6 months before I was diagnosed, I would have neatly pushed away a video like this. It doesn't speak to me for all of the reasons I laid out in my initial FAQ article.

This makes me think it's for people who don't have GAD. But who would be googling GAD that doesn't have GAD? It's an odd audience, isn't it? Is it some sort of casual bystanders of GAD?

This is the problem I have with 90% of the writing about GAD online.

It comes from medical professionals, but it's totally disconnected from the experience of GAD itself. It means well, but it just doesn't work. They can speak in a breezy tone, like they do in the Khan Academy video, but until they start to fundamentally change their appraoch, and think about who they are really speaking to, they are going to miss the mark.

My advice is to start from a blank sheet. Talk to your users. Interview us with an open mind. We are overthinkers who experience physical symptoms. We often avoid treatment or medication until we desperately need it. We try to figure everything out and we Google like crazy. We are achievers. Get to know us, medical professionals. See the world from our eyes, and start from there.

Talk to some product managers if you need some lessons in how to do this. I happen to know how to reach a few if you need help in figuring out where to start...

Creative Early Adopters: Best Friends of Anxious People

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(I had to include a photo cause she's adorable. Sorry Gabi.)

I was given early access to the List App by my friend and hero Gabi Moskowitz. What makes Gabi a hero? From my perspective, it's that she's a creative early adopter. She's someone who supports projects like this before everyone else jumps aboard.

Creative early adopters are crucially important to people with GAD. Our sensitivity is profound. It inhibits us in many ways, but it can also make us attuned to ideas and trends. If we had less fear about consequences, we would be able to accomplish more. We'd speak up and start to evolve our seedling ideas without killing them for fear of exposure. The vocal support of others turns our sensitivity into a strength.

It's easy to join the party when everyone else has arrived. But showing up when the dj's just starting to find her rhythm, the drinks are starting to flow, and everyone's still a little weird is a true art.

I realized that List App was the perfect place to house a collaborative GAD reading list. Without further ado...

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Tap to see the full list of books on my list, and some that others are sharing. Download the app to share your own. We'd love to have you.

To see Gabi's life, Hollywood-style, check out the ABC Family show Young and Hungry.