My Metaphor for Overthinking

NASA's 36-foot Bio-Dome on the dormant volcano of Mauna Loa in Hawaii.

How I Protect My Brain By Protecting the Environment

It started with the realization I can change the climate of my mind. That awareness has grown into a deeper, ongoing feeling of responsibility: I am the steward of my brain's environment. 

For the first 39 years of my life, I was terrible to my brain. I would engage in deep, intrusive pondering, telling myself that I was working hard to "figure things out." The garbage I threw onto the ground (like Mad Men characters post-picnic) came in the form of black-and-white thoughts. Carbon emissions? For me, those were generalizations and the escalated catastrophizing I specialized in.   

A combination of reading The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living (summarized in this video about what that kind of behavior does to your brain) and mindfulness training helped me realize that the path I was on was hurting myself, my own mind, and others. As of the middle of last year, I assumed a more direct role of responsibility vis-a-vis tending to my brain.

Invisible stewarding in Kauai.

I began to visualize the environment of my brain. Instead of fixating on individual thoughts, I thought about the aggregate. I tuned in to the climate of my mind. When the weather's rough, I learned that I had the choice to take action to relax and help return the environment to a calmer, more peaceful state.

But I learned something more important over time: it's not just about trying to get to peaceful weather. It was more important to teach myself to get into the groove of good weather. First, I had  to start feeling the sun when it came out. I had to get used to returning to that feeling. I did it by leaning into the moments when I felt good. It's was like teaching myself to return to good feelings in a more automatic way.

This is the uniform I imagine myself in as steward.

These ideas are all based in cognitive behavioral therapy. For me, though, ideas are one thing—internalized behavior is another. To truly make something happen, I needed simple sentences or visualizations to return to. 

"I am the steward of my brain's environment" was the metaphor I came up with. I imagined myself cleaning up the trash and creating the environment I want to live in. Doing this incremental work while understanding intuitively what a good environment feels like many times a day is what's making the difference.

The steward doesn't look for one massive change. The steward understands it's all about consistency, and that increasingly positive changes in the brain's environment add up over time.  

Warning: you can't steward anyone else's mind, but you may notice that as your climate improves, the effect is contagious.

Originally published March 12, 2016. Updated June 21, 2018.

Try Yin Yoga If You're Stiff

It's more like deep stretching than exercise.

Awhile back, I found myself incredibly burnt out and at my ragged edge of stress. I also felt stiff in my whole body, but especially my outer hips, my IT bands, the backs of my legs, and my traps (between neck and shoulders).

The stiffness got worse and worse, propelled by poor desk posture, daily bike commuting, and never stretching, till it was a constant dull ache.

Yoga had historically never been a great fit for me, as I don’t have the upper body strength to do a vinyasa properly and I’m not coordinated enough to keep up with a fast moving class. (I love Pilates reformer for strength training, but it also contributes to my body stiffness.) I knew I desperately needed a new stretching routine so I started researching other types of yoga, including Yin Yoga.

When I attended my first Yin Yoga class, I found just the delicious deep stretches I was craving. For example, intense hip openers like pigeon, held for 2–5 minutes, with bolsters (a stiff pillow found in yoga studios) and props to keep the stretch manageable. The arrangements of bolsters and blankets, the supportive language used by teachers, and the new-to-me breathing techniques made me feel somehow totally mothered and cared for. I also found it much easier to drop into a nourishing meditative state, relative to seated meditation.

While it was love at first stretch, I’ll admit the first several weeks I felt a bit weird. My muscles had been so stiff that after a Yin class I felt like I walked funny for a few hours. Friends have described a “pinchy” sensation in the muscles after such a different use of them than the norm, and I could relate to that.

Bernie Clark's videos are behind a paywall, but it only costs $1 for the first month.

But over time I adjusted, and the longer term benefits of Yin Yoga on my life have been undeniable. I don’t feel stiff anywhere in my body — in fact I feel vibrant and great. I also love having a larger toolkit for pain, fear, anger, and frustration. In general I have a significantly more positive outlook on life that has had a ripple effect on every relationship. (I just asked my husband if I’ve been more vocally appreciative of him since starting Yin Yoga and he replied: “Noticeably so.”) It also does wonders for insomnia.

I could try to get into the science behind Yin Yoga, Western (wonderful for joint health) or Eastern (opens the meridians), but I’ll let you learn that stuff from a qualified instructor. You can search Yelp for studios that teach Yin Yoga near you, or sample some online resources if you’d like to try this at home. My favorite online practitioner is Bernie Clark, a retired scientist who does a great job of explaining the process in a rational way. I highly recommend his and other yoga videos at Gaia.com, though they are behind a paywall. ($.99 the first month, $9.99 after, and totally worth it in my opinion. They even have convenient apps for Apple TV, iPhone, iPad, etc.)

• Bernie Clark’s Yin Yoga videos at Gaia.com (behind paywall)

• Dozens of other great Yin Yoga videos at Gaia.com (behind paywall)

• Lower quality Yin yoga videos at Doyogawithme.com (free)

It’s been so easy to grab the Apple TV remote and turn one of these on that I’ve even got my exercise-abhorrent husband hooked.

Thanks for reading and I’d be happy to answer more questions about Yin Yoga in the comments. I hope it’s as helpful to someone who reads this as it has been for me. Stretch away!

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!  

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This post was originally published on Medium. It is reproduced with the author's permission. 

How to Avoid Emotional Eating

Emotional eating's the tendency to respond to stressful, difficult feelings by eating.

We all love to eat because food tastes good and it is satisfying. We can name our favorite home cooked meals as well as favorite restaurant food.  We often eat to celebrate, while watching a movie, for a reward, when we are bored or tired, and of course when we are hungry.  When friends or family get together it is often centered around eating.

Emotional eating is the tendency to respond to stressful, difficult feelings by eating, even when not experiencing physical hunger. Emotional eating (or emotional hunger) is often a craving for high-calorie or high-carbohydrate foods that have minimal nutritional value.  The foods that emotional eaters crave are often referred to as comfort foods, like ice cream, cookies, French fries, and pizza.

About 40% of people eat when they are feeling stressed. Consequently, stress can be associated with weight gain.  Emotional eating is common and significant because it can interfere with maintaining a healthy diet and contribute to obesity.

A combination of factors that create stress can result in emotional eating. When our body is under stress, the stress hormone cortisol triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response, which increases heart and breathing rate and blood flow to muscles. This response increases our appetite to give the body the fuel it needs to fight or flee.  The higher the stress the higher levels of cortisol.  The usual cravings are for comfort foods.

5 Ways to Manage the Stress That Leads to Emotional eating

1. Regular exercise and activity lowers the production of stress chemicals, which leads to a decrease in depression, anxiety and insomnia.

2. Engaging in prayer, meditation and relaxation is a powerful way to manage stress, lower blood pressure, and heart rate.

3.  Refraining from drug use and high levels of alcohol is important.  Many of these substances heighten the body’s response to stress and lower our ability to deal with a stressful situation effectively.
4. Be careful to allow yourself breaks in the day.  Refrain from over-scheduling yourself.
5. Learn how to re-frame your thoughts or respond differently to stressful life events with help from a counselor, pastor or group therapy.

The prevention of emotional eating primarily involves reducing stress, using constructive ways to understand and manage our thoughts and emotions, and by using food as sustenance rather than a way to solve or avoid problems.

Kathy Foust runs Lighthouse Counseling Services in Findley, Ohio.

How to Work Through the Pain of Divorce

When you get married, you don't want to believe that your marriage could be part of the 50% that don't make it for whatever reason. (Topping the list of the reasons people get divorced is financial issues, poor communication and infidelity. On that same list: alcohol abuse, domestic violence, sexual problems, incompatibility and basic unhappiness). If your issues are dealt with soon enough, there may be hope for the marriage, but sadly that doesn't always happen. It's a very alarming moment when you realiz that your marriage is going to fail.

Grieving is pain with a purpose. 

Divorce may solve one problem, but it brings with it a new set of challenges, especially when there are children involved. When divorce occurs, it brings with it many levels of emotions which is normal. We can expect to feel anger, bitterness, betrayal, shame, embarrassment, loneliness, abandonment, fear and confusion. It is important to own these feelings and work through them.

Understanding the Pain of Divorce

Divorce can be compared to a death. It is important to acknowledge the reality that the marital relationship has died. The way to deal with this emotional stage is to go through the grief process, which is the same process of bereavement used for an actual death. There are five stages to work through, however, they are not necessarily felt in the order listed.

Denial   

Often the actual problems in the marriage have been denied and ownership has not been taken. It is easier to deny or overlook the real issues.

Anger

This response is important as it signals the fact that the person who has been divorced has accepted the reality and significance of what has happened. Confronting the reality of divorce is a painful experience but is essential if we are going to move forward with life and let go of the past.

Bargaining

We don’t bargain only with our spouses, we also bargain with God. We might say to ourselves, "I tell God if he will help me through this, I will dedicate my life and my marriage to him." This is a natural part of dealing with a crisis. We're trying to gain some control in an out-of-control situation.

Depression

What happens when we finally realize we can’t bargain our way back to the blissful marriage we once had?  Some go back to denial or anger, but many move on to depression.  They hit rock bottom. As painful as depression is, it is a very important stage of grief.  We can’t heal if we don’t feel.

Acceptance

It’s easier said than done. Grieving is pain with a purpose.  The purpose is healing and strength. When we can finally take the responsibility for our healing and make positive health choices, we are on our way to accepting the divorce. We realize we never wanted to be in this situation but are ready to move in a positive direction and make the most of our life as a divorced person.

It takes time.

No two people will grieve exactly the same way. The key to recovery is in making wise decisions now about how we are going to live and what we are going to believe about ourselves.

Kathy Foust runs Lighthouse Counseling Services in Findley, Ohio.

The One Book That Eases My Anxiety

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."

Taken from one of my favorite books—and people—in all of history...

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life, most times it has been low level, however, I have the rare occasion where it can become extreme and the demons get the better of me which generally results in a crap outcome.

I actually experienced a more extreme episode recently and I’ve been using the time since to get back to what I call my anchors – the things I do in life which keep me focused and full of happy thoughts and keep the anxiety demons away. These anchors are a number of things, generally working out, meditating, eating health food etc but one of the most important for me is reading, as words are one of the most powerful resources we have. They have the power to inflict great pain and bring exceptional joy and love.

Whenever I start to feel the old struggle of anxiety hit me again or I experience a traumatic event, I turn to one book and this book is written by the great Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius and called meditations.

Marcus was a great leader of the colossal Roman Empire and he faced many great challenges during his life. The book of meditations was actually Marcus personal diary, where he would remind himself of his own thoughts, what makes a good man and essentially keeping himself on the good path. It was never meant to be seen by any others eyes apart from his own, but thankfully his work has been shared with the world and it’s one of the greatest pieces of philosophy in known human existence.

What the book highlights is that Marcus regardless of his position in the world was just another man and he reminded himself of that daily. Throughout this book it can be clearly seen that the problems we have of today aren’t too dissimilar to what a man of 2000 years ago was also facing, he has similar anxieties about family, wealth and the uncertainty of the path ahead.

Going back to this book 2 – 3 times a year, reminds me that we all feel the same and in many ways, it calms my own anxiety to know that I’m not alone in my sometimes irrational way of thinking. Over 2000 years ago Marcus was experiencing the same issues and would remind himself through his diary and everyday practices to live in the moment, to appreciate what is here now.

I could write for days about this book and how it’s helped me, but instead of doing that I invite you to pick up a copy yourself, you’ll find it on Amazon for less than £5 and it could really change your life as it has mine.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." —Marcus Aurelius

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This essay was written by British mental health advocate Ross Stevenson. It was originally published on Medium. 

What Are Automatic Negative Thoughts?

Automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) is a way of thinking which all of us on occasion get caught in.  Aaron Beck, one of the founders of cognitive therapy, concluded that automatic negative thinking sabotages our best self and lead to a vicious circle of misery. How it feels: We get stuck in the same negative thoughts over and over.  Because of our brain’s plasticity, we can create new pathways for our new and changed thoughts to travel.

Our emotions are a response to the thoughts we have.  A negative thought will be followed by a negative emotion, and a positive thought will be followed by a positive emotion. It can be difficult to control our emotions however we can learn to change and control our thoughts. The first step is to become aware of our negative thoughts.

The following are some of the most common examples of automatic negative thoughts.

• Fortune Telling: We are predicting that something bad will happen, such as failing school, losing our job, or getting seriously ill. Fortune telling is the basis of much of our anxiety and worry.
• Catastrophic Thinking: This is similar to fortune telling, however not only will the bad thing happen but the consequence will be terrible. Minor setbacks or failures are believed to be more serious than they are, which leads to serious anxiety.
• Mind Reading:  We assume people are having negative thoughts about us. At a party, I may believe people don’t like me.   Mind reading is a cause of social anxiety.
• All or None Thinking:  We think in rigid, black or white categories.  If we don’t score 100 on the test, we feel like a complete failure.  If someone doesn’t like something about me, they dislike everything about me. This can lead to perfectionism and low self-esteem.
• Overgeneralizations:  One or two events make us believe that something is “always” or “never” true, such as “nothing ever works out for me.”  “I’m always messing up.”  This can lead to discouragement and low self-esteem.

After we have become aware and can identify our negative thinking by name, we can begin the process of change.  Try to stop your negative thinking and change the thought to a positive and true statement.  The next time you assume that people don’t like you, say to yourself, “I was just mind reading and I have no proof my thoughts are true.”  Changing automatic negative thinking is possible when we decide to make a change, by increasing our awareness.

How to Find the Right Job If You Have Anxiety

Turning on lights involves detective work, internal and external.

Finding a "healthy" level of stress can be a challenge.

The workplace can often seem like a minefield of stressful situations. But for those with anxiety, there are certain roles or work environments that can be particularly problematic. Knowing which jobs or atmospheres are likely to trigger or worsen anxiety can help you avoid a workplace that could end up being toxic.

Roles That Could Spell Disaster

Certain jobs or job duties are especially anxiety-inducing—and you probably won’t be surprised at some of the biggest culprits. Roles that involve dealing with the public or juggling multiple tasks in a fast-paced setting are inherently stressful, and could prove mentally and physically grueling for those with anxiety.

Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Lions and Tigers and Terrorists, Oh My! How to Protect Your Child in a Time of Terror, cites some examples of jobs and workplaces that could be challenging for those with anxiety:

• jobs with tight deadlines, like daily newspapers.
• jobs where people’s lives are at stake, like surgeons or nurses.
• jobs in places that were sites of past terror attacks, like the offices where the Twin Towers once stood.
• noisy environments, from jobs at or near airports to subway conductors.
• mental health professionals treating people with serious, confrontational or hard-to-cure problems.

On the other hand, there are roles and workplaces that could be soothing, and help establish a calm setting. These might include:

• jobs that involve working with nature, like forest rangers or beach sanitation.
• jobs that are located in nature, like an office overlooking a lake.
•  jobs with low time constraints, like artists or sculptors
•  jobs in a very friendly supportive environment which fosters creativity.

How the Boss Fits In

Susan Kuczmarski is the co-author (with her husband, Tom Kuczmarski) of the leadership book Lifting People Up: The Power of Recognition, to be published in May 2018. She says there is one critical element of a workplace setting that can make all the difference for a worker with anxiety: the boss. “The boss should be a person who nurtures lots of leaders, shares leadership, promotes continuous learning, encourages employees to perform at their maximum potential, nurtures personal development and expansion, and promotes open dialogue. Stay away from a control and compete type boss.”

Certain personality traits will make a manager more likely to support and motivate an employee, including those with anxiety. “Of critical importance is the ability of the boss to listen, include, free, trust, use rewards, and praise. Leaders who are best with high anxiety employees use praise to generate personal growth, understand that a culture of praise is essential, mentors managers on how to give praise, knows that praise is the fuel that fires-up the team, and finally, praise for curiosity and moving forward. Bottom line: praise makes people feel valued. Accordingly, stress is reduced.”  

Spotting Your Own Triggers

For any employee (whether they have anxiety or not) assessing your individual skills and challenges, and then zeroing in on jobs that align with your strengths while causing minimal stress, is a smart approach to identify a role in which you will shine. Serena Houston, MA, LPC, of the Wellington Counseling Group in the Chicago area, advises people to do an honest self-assessment, keeping past triggers and common stressors in mind.

“Pull from your past experiences at work as well as in your everyday life. Identify what has triggered you in the past, and consider whether those triggers will likely occur in the prospective job/workplace.” Taking stock of your own habits and preferences can help you spot any potential red flags. “Consider what you don't like, what has triggered stress/anxiety in the past, and personal areas for growth. Working in an environment where these variables are prominent will more than likely induce a lot of anxiety.”

Investigating the Workplace Culture

Hiring managers aren’t necessarily always forthcoming about the most challenging or demanding aspects of the job, so you may have to read between the lines or do some detective work. “During interviews, ask questions about work dynamics and/or culture,” Houston suggests. “Try to observe the environment as well as inquire with other employees; if you are given the opportunity to do so. Pay attention to keywords provided. For example, ‘fast-paced’ could be a warning sign.” She also recommends being attuned to nonverbal clues. “Pay attention to body language. Those who appear friendly, happy, and/or excited are much more likely to enjoy their job than the person who appears cold, short, or annoyed.”

A Real-Life Example

Kelly Clay has been living with anxiety for years. “At 32, I’ve been struggling with bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since high school.” She has also followed an interesting and wide-ranging career path, involving many different roles. “I’ve worked nearly every top of job imaginable: fast food, retail, a 9-to-5 office, freelance writing—which has taken me all around the world and to hundreds of conferences—and most recently, the front desk of a hotel. Some of these jobs have been more suited to my unstable emotions, and others an inherent trigger.”

By carefully observing how different roles affect her mental state, Clay has been able to identify some trends. “I’ve realized that jobs that lack structure—the retail and hospitality industries, especially—are more prone to cause panic attacks and create stress that affects my body in ways such as insomnia, increased depression, and even things like intense heartburn to the point I’ve projectile vomited my own acidic saliva,” she says. “I thrive on a calm atmosphere, a solid team, and a supportive manager who has my back—no matter who makes the mistake, if the phone doesn’t get answered, or if I’m going to be late because my medications make me groggy and I need to hit snooze one extra time.”

For Clay, a flexible situation that can accommodate her needs on a given day is key. “I’ve embraced my life as a freelance writer because I can work on my own schedule,” she says. “If I’m not doing so hot, maybe I’ll just focus on answering emails and send out pitches, or enjoy the sunny weather and dedicate the day to my mental health. Sometimes this means I have to write my heart out until midnight on a Saturday - but that’s the kind of life that makes sense for the swings my emotions and motivation go through day-to-day. I’ve been able to sustain it for nearly a decade, except for the few months I yearned for benefits and PTO. In hindsight of those days behind a hotel desk, the control over my day—and how my emotions can dictate it—is far more important than any fringe benefits. The stress, the chaos, and the negative impact on my health are not worth it.”

Have you worked in a place that exacerbated your anxiety? What helped? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Voted Best of 2018!

News update! Bevoya.com was recently included in two important "best of" lists. I'm thrilled about this not only because all of the contributions of our amazing writers are getting acknowledged, but because roundups like this help more people find us, and we can build the mission of mental health wellness together. 

1. Chosen as a Best Anxiety Blog in 2018 from Healthline.com  

2. Voted #9 on the Top 50 Anxiety Blogs and Websites from Feedspot

Thank you to everyone who read, wrote, and shared comments on this blog this year. I can't wait for us to keep building the site together over time.