How to Avoid Emotional Eating

Emotional eating's the tendency to respond to stressful, difficult feelings by eating.

We all love to eat because food tastes good and it is satisfying. We can name our favorite home cooked meals as well as favorite restaurant food.  We often eat to celebrate, while watching a movie, for a reward, when we are bored or tired, and of course when we are hungry.  When friends or family get together it is often centered around eating.

Emotional eating is the tendency to respond to stressful, difficult feelings by eating, even when not experiencing physical hunger. Emotional eating (or emotional hunger) is often a craving for high-calorie or high-carbohydrate foods that have minimal nutritional value.  The foods that emotional eaters crave are often referred to as comfort foods, like ice cream, cookies, French fries, and pizza.

About 40% of people eat when they are feeling stressed. Consequently, stress can be associated with weight gain.  Emotional eating is common and significant because it can interfere with maintaining a healthy diet and contribute to obesity.

A combination of factors that create stress can result in emotional eating. When our body is under stress, the stress hormone cortisol triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response, which increases heart and breathing rate and blood flow to muscles. This response increases our appetite to give the body the fuel it needs to fight or flee.  The higher the stress the higher levels of cortisol.  The usual cravings are for comfort foods.

5 Ways to Manage the Stress That Leads to Emotional eating

1. Regular exercise and activity lowers the production of stress chemicals, which leads to a decrease in depression, anxiety and insomnia.

2. Engaging in prayer, meditation and relaxation is a powerful way to manage stress, lower blood pressure, and heart rate.

3.  Refraining from drug use and high levels of alcohol is important.  Many of these substances heighten the body’s response to stress and lower our ability to deal with a stressful situation effectively.
4. Be careful to allow yourself breaks in the day.  Refrain from over-scheduling yourself.
5. Learn how to re-frame your thoughts or respond differently to stressful life events with help from a counselor, pastor or group therapy.

The prevention of emotional eating primarily involves reducing stress, using constructive ways to understand and manage our thoughts and emotions, and by using food as sustenance rather than a way to solve or avoid problems.

Kathy Foust runs Lighthouse Counseling Services in Findley, Ohio.

How to Work Through the Pain of Divorce

When you get married, you don't want to believe that your marriage could be part of the 50% that don't make it for whatever reason. (Topping the list of the reasons people get divorced is financial issues, poor communication and infidelity. On that same list: alcohol abuse, domestic violence, sexual problems, incompatibility and basic unhappiness). If your issues are dealt with soon enough, there may be hope for the marriage, but sadly that doesn't always happen. It's a very alarming moment when you realiz that your marriage is going to fail.

Grieving is pain with a purpose. 

Divorce may solve one problem, but it brings with it a new set of challenges, especially when there are children involved. When divorce occurs, it brings with it many levels of emotions which is normal. We can expect to feel anger, bitterness, betrayal, shame, embarrassment, loneliness, abandonment, fear and confusion. It is important to own these feelings and work through them.

Understanding the Pain of Divorce

Divorce can be compared to a death. It is important to acknowledge the reality that the marital relationship has died. The way to deal with this emotional stage is to go through the grief process, which is the same process of bereavement used for an actual death. There are five stages to work through, however, they are not necessarily felt in the order listed.

Denial   

Often the actual problems in the marriage have been denied and ownership has not been taken. It is easier to deny or overlook the real issues.

Anger

This response is important as it signals the fact that the person who has been divorced has accepted the reality and significance of what has happened. Confronting the reality of divorce is a painful experience but is essential if we are going to move forward with life and let go of the past.

Bargaining

We don’t bargain only with our spouses, we also bargain with God. We might say to ourselves, "I tell God if he will help me through this, I will dedicate my life and my marriage to him." This is a natural part of dealing with a crisis. We're trying to gain some control in an out-of-control situation.

Depression

What happens when we finally realize we can’t bargain our way back to the blissful marriage we once had?  Some go back to denial or anger, but many move on to depression.  They hit rock bottom. As painful as depression is, it is a very important stage of grief.  We can’t heal if we don’t feel.

Acceptance

It’s easier said than done. Grieving is pain with a purpose.  The purpose is healing and strength. When we can finally take the responsibility for our healing and make positive health choices, we are on our way to accepting the divorce. We realize we never wanted to be in this situation but are ready to move in a positive direction and make the most of our life as a divorced person.

It takes time.

No two people will grieve exactly the same way. The key to recovery is in making wise decisions now about how we are going to live and what we are going to believe about ourselves.

Kathy Foust runs Lighthouse Counseling Services in Findley, Ohio.

The One Book That Eases My Anxiety

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."

Taken from one of my favorite books—and people—in all of history...

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life, most times it has been low level, however, I have the rare occasion where it can become extreme and the demons get the better of me which generally results in a crap outcome.

I actually experienced a more extreme episode recently and I’ve been using the time since to get back to what I call my anchors – the things I do in life which keep me focused and full of happy thoughts and keep the anxiety demons away. These anchors are a number of things, generally working out, meditating, eating health food etc but one of the most important for me is reading, as words are one of the most powerful resources we have. They have the power to inflict great pain and bring exceptional joy and love.

Whenever I start to feel the old struggle of anxiety hit me again or I experience a traumatic event, I turn to one book and this book is written by the great Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius and called meditations.

Marcus was a great leader of the colossal Roman Empire and he faced many great challenges during his life. The book of meditations was actually Marcus personal diary, where he would remind himself of his own thoughts, what makes a good man and essentially keeping himself on the good path. It was never meant to be seen by any others eyes apart from his own, but thankfully his work has been shared with the world and it’s one of the greatest pieces of philosophy in known human existence.

What the book highlights is that Marcus regardless of his position in the world was just another man and he reminded himself of that daily. Throughout this book it can be clearly seen that the problems we have of today aren’t too dissimilar to what a man of 2000 years ago was also facing, he has similar anxieties about family, wealth and the uncertainty of the path ahead.

Going back to this book 2 – 3 times a year, reminds me that we all feel the same and in many ways, it calms my own anxiety to know that I’m not alone in my sometimes irrational way of thinking. Over 2000 years ago Marcus was experiencing the same issues and would remind himself through his diary and everyday practices to live in the moment, to appreciate what is here now.

I could write for days about this book and how it’s helped me, but instead of doing that I invite you to pick up a copy yourself, you’ll find it on Amazon for less than £5 and it could really change your life as it has mine.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." —Marcus Aurelius

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This essay was written by British mental health advocate Ross Stevenson. It was originally published on Medium. 

What Are Automatic Negative Thoughts?

Automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) is a way of thinking which all of us on occasion get caught in.  Aaron Beck, one of the founders of cognitive therapy, concluded that automatic negative thinking sabotages our best self and lead to a vicious circle of misery. How it feels: We get stuck in the same negative thoughts over and over.  Because of our brain’s plasticity, we can create new pathways for our new and changed thoughts to travel.

Our emotions are a response to the thoughts we have.  A negative thought will be followed by a negative emotion, and a positive thought will be followed by a positive emotion. It can be difficult to control our emotions however we can learn to change and control our thoughts. The first step is to become aware of our negative thoughts.

The following are some of the most common examples of automatic negative thoughts.

• Fortune Telling: We are predicting that something bad will happen, such as failing school, losing our job, or getting seriously ill. Fortune telling is the basis of much of our anxiety and worry.
• Catastrophic Thinking: This is similar to fortune telling, however not only will the bad thing happen but the consequence will be terrible. Minor setbacks or failures are believed to be more serious than they are, which leads to serious anxiety.
• Mind Reading:  We assume people are having negative thoughts about us. At a party, I may believe people don’t like me.   Mind reading is a cause of social anxiety.
• All or None Thinking:  We think in rigid, black or white categories.  If we don’t score 100 on the test, we feel like a complete failure.  If someone doesn’t like something about me, they dislike everything about me. This can lead to perfectionism and low self-esteem.
• Overgeneralizations:  One or two events make us believe that something is “always” or “never” true, such as “nothing ever works out for me.”  “I’m always messing up.”  This can lead to discouragement and low self-esteem.

After we have become aware and can identify our negative thinking by name, we can begin the process of change.  Try to stop your negative thinking and change the thought to a positive and true statement.  The next time you assume that people don’t like you, say to yourself, “I was just mind reading and I have no proof my thoughts are true.”  Changing automatic negative thinking is possible when we decide to make a change, by increasing our awareness.

How to Find the Right Job If You Have Anxiety

Turning on lights involves detective work, internal and external.

Finding a "healthy" level of stress can be a challenge.

The workplace can often seem like a minefield of stressful situations. But for those with anxiety, there are certain roles or work environments that can be particularly problematic. Knowing which jobs or atmospheres are likely to trigger or worsen anxiety can help you avoid a workplace that could end up being toxic.

Roles That Could Spell Disaster

Certain jobs or job duties are especially anxiety-inducing—and you probably won’t be surprised at some of the biggest culprits. Roles that involve dealing with the public or juggling multiple tasks in a fast-paced setting are inherently stressful, and could prove mentally and physically grueling for those with anxiety.

Carole Lieberman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Lions and Tigers and Terrorists, Oh My! How to Protect Your Child in a Time of Terror, cites some examples of jobs and workplaces that could be challenging for those with anxiety:

• jobs with tight deadlines, like daily newspapers.
• jobs where people’s lives are at stake, like surgeons or nurses.
• jobs in places that were sites of past terror attacks, like the offices where the Twin Towers once stood.
• noisy environments, from jobs at or near airports to subway conductors.
• mental health professionals treating people with serious, confrontational or hard-to-cure problems.

On the other hand, there are roles and workplaces that could be soothing, and help establish a calm setting. These might include:

• jobs that involve working with nature, like forest rangers or beach sanitation.
• jobs that are located in nature, like an office overlooking a lake.
•  jobs with low time constraints, like artists or sculptors
•  jobs in a very friendly supportive environment which fosters creativity.

How the Boss Fits In

Susan Kuczmarski is the co-author (with her husband, Tom Kuczmarski) of the leadership book Lifting People Up: The Power of Recognition, to be published in May 2018. She says there is one critical element of a workplace setting that can make all the difference for a worker with anxiety: the boss. “The boss should be a person who nurtures lots of leaders, shares leadership, promotes continuous learning, encourages employees to perform at their maximum potential, nurtures personal development and expansion, and promotes open dialogue. Stay away from a control and compete type boss.”

Certain personality traits will make a manager more likely to support and motivate an employee, including those with anxiety. “Of critical importance is the ability of the boss to listen, include, free, trust, use rewards, and praise. Leaders who are best with high anxiety employees use praise to generate personal growth, understand that a culture of praise is essential, mentors managers on how to give praise, knows that praise is the fuel that fires-up the team, and finally, praise for curiosity and moving forward. Bottom line: praise makes people feel valued. Accordingly, stress is reduced.”  

Spotting Your Own Triggers

For any employee (whether they have anxiety or not) assessing your individual skills and challenges, and then zeroing in on jobs that align with your strengths while causing minimal stress, is a smart approach to identify a role in which you will shine. Serena Houston, MA, LPC, of the Wellington Counseling Group in the Chicago area, advises people to do an honest self-assessment, keeping past triggers and common stressors in mind.

“Pull from your past experiences at work as well as in your everyday life. Identify what has triggered you in the past, and consider whether those triggers will likely occur in the prospective job/workplace.” Taking stock of your own habits and preferences can help you spot any potential red flags. “Consider what you don't like, what has triggered stress/anxiety in the past, and personal areas for growth. Working in an environment where these variables are prominent will more than likely induce a lot of anxiety.”

Investigating the Workplace Culture

Hiring managers aren’t necessarily always forthcoming about the most challenging or demanding aspects of the job, so you may have to read between the lines or do some detective work. “During interviews, ask questions about work dynamics and/or culture,” Houston suggests. “Try to observe the environment as well as inquire with other employees; if you are given the opportunity to do so. Pay attention to keywords provided. For example, ‘fast-paced’ could be a warning sign.” She also recommends being attuned to nonverbal clues. “Pay attention to body language. Those who appear friendly, happy, and/or excited are much more likely to enjoy their job than the person who appears cold, short, or annoyed.”

A Real-Life Example

Kelly Clay has been living with anxiety for years. “At 32, I’ve been struggling with bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since high school.” She has also followed an interesting and wide-ranging career path, involving many different roles. “I’ve worked nearly every top of job imaginable: fast food, retail, a 9-to-5 office, freelance writing—which has taken me all around the world and to hundreds of conferences—and most recently, the front desk of a hotel. Some of these jobs have been more suited to my unstable emotions, and others an inherent trigger.”

By carefully observing how different roles affect her mental state, Clay has been able to identify some trends. “I’ve realized that jobs that lack structure—the retail and hospitality industries, especially—are more prone to cause panic attacks and create stress that affects my body in ways such as insomnia, increased depression, and even things like intense heartburn to the point I’ve projectile vomited my own acidic saliva,” she says. “I thrive on a calm atmosphere, a solid team, and a supportive manager who has my back—no matter who makes the mistake, if the phone doesn’t get answered, or if I’m going to be late because my medications make me groggy and I need to hit snooze one extra time.”

For Clay, a flexible situation that can accommodate her needs on a given day is key. “I’ve embraced my life as a freelance writer because I can work on my own schedule,” she says. “If I’m not doing so hot, maybe I’ll just focus on answering emails and send out pitches, or enjoy the sunny weather and dedicate the day to my mental health. Sometimes this means I have to write my heart out until midnight on a Saturday - but that’s the kind of life that makes sense for the swings my emotions and motivation go through day-to-day. I’ve been able to sustain it for nearly a decade, except for the few months I yearned for benefits and PTO. In hindsight of those days behind a hotel desk, the control over my day—and how my emotions can dictate it—is far more important than any fringe benefits. The stress, the chaos, and the negative impact on my health are not worth it.”

Have you worked in a place that exacerbated your anxiety? What helped? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Voted Best of 2018!

News update! Bevoya.com was recently included in two important "best of" lists. I'm thrilled about this not only because all of the contributions of our amazing writers are getting acknowledged, but because roundups like this help more people find us, and we can build the mission of mental health wellness together. 

1. Chosen as a Best Anxiety Blog in 2018 from Healthline.com  

2. Voted #9 on the Top 50 Anxiety Blogs and Websites from Feedspot

Thank you to everyone who read, wrote, and shared comments on this blog this year. I can't wait for us to keep building the site together over time.

The 2018 Guide to Best Weighted Blankets for Better Sleep, Stress, and Anxiety

Do you like it when your dentist throws that heavy lead blanket on you for xrays? 

If you do, it might be because weighted blankets release a flood of "good-feeling" hormones into your body (these are similar to the hormones you feel when you're hugged or held). Weighted blankets promote the release of serotonin, melatonin, lowering nighttime cortisol levels. This updated guide can help you find the right weighted blanket. That's the goal.

The History of Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets Have been around for a couple of decades now. They're not new to the medical community, who has recommended them for everything from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to Autism Spectrum Disorder as well as Anxiety and Insomnia. It's only in the past few years, though, that weighted blankets have become more mainstream. These days, you're hearing about them all over the place. 

I wanted to gather together a semi-comprehensive guide to weighted blankets in order to help other people who are looking for the right fit. 

The Best Brands Making Weighted Blankets

When it comes to weighted blankets, each brand seems to be known for something different. This guide will dig into pricepoint, brand, and reputation. I hope this helps you find a weighted blanket that works for you.

1. The American-Made Custom Weighted Blanket, $170 (depends on size)

Since this American-made weighted blanket helps supports the Beautiful Voyager community, we're biased and think it is the best one!

2. Tennessee-Based Family Business Weighting Comforts, $195+

Weighting Comforts is run by a mother-son duo in Nashville, Tennessee. I found out about their company when they reached out after seeing last year's weighted blanket post. I liked hearing about how they employee six women through the Sew for Hope organization (a very cool nonprofit organization providing sewing machines and sewing classes for international refugees who have resettled in Middle Tennessee). 

3. The Brookstone Blanket from Bed, Bath and Beyond, $150 online

The Brookstone Weighted Blanket was one of the original blankets more widely sold to the general public, opening up the category for other brands to follow. It is not customized to a specific body type, and the description says, "Suitable for anyone weighing 20 lb. and over."

4. The Kickstarter-Funded Weighted Blanket from Gravity, $250 and up

This Gravity blanket really turned heads when it launched, raising over $3M on the Kickstarter campaign. It's also come with its fair share of controversy when the FDA cracked down on its claims.

5. Mosaic Weighted Blanket, $145 (depends on size)

I found out about Mosaic Weighted Blankets from a comment left on our 2017 weighted blanket post. This is an organic blanket and seems well-made, with many color and fabric choices..

6. Canadian-Based Company Hippo Hug, $135

The people behind Hippo Hug reached out on our 2017 Weighted Blanket Guide, sharing that their blankets can be customized to different weights and fabrics. The Hippo Hug blankets are quilted and are made by sewing two layers of batting together to create channels. Individual weights are then dropped into the channels and seams are sewn in the opposite direction. 

How Weighted Blankets Should Fit

Each brand of weighted blanket deals with fit in a different way. The Gravity blanket, for example, has 3 different sizes (small, medium, large basically). The weighted blanket we sell on the Beautiful Voyager marketplace is a little more granular. Here's the ratio we used to determine the correct weight: 10% of your body weight plus two or three pounds. You just input your body weight, and we do the rest.

This is a really important thing to understand: Weighted blankets are supposed to fit your body, not the bed. The blanket lays on top of the bed without hanging over the sides. If it does hang over the sides, you'll likely spend the entire night fighting to keep it from sliding into the floor. Who wants that?

We would love to know about your own experiences with weighted blankets.  Help other people learn from your experiences!

Please help us keep this guide up to date by sharing a comment.

How to Deal with an Anxious Boss

Anxiety is not fun for anyone.

There’s something about the workplace that seems to make even the most relaxed people tense. Dealing with your own anxiety or that of a co-worker can be challenging enough, but when it’s the boss who has anxiety, this tends to affect everyone in the office. Worse, it can create a vicious circle: an anxious boss stresses out employees—which in turn increases the boss’ anxiety, and on it goes. What’s the best way to keep everyone calm, and establish a positive and productive work environment?

Expert Insight

There are indeed certain conditions inherent in many workplace atmospheres that tend to provoke anxiety—and this can be more prevalent the higher up the corporate ladder you go. “People in leadership positions, especially those who own their own companies, can be at greater risk for mental health and medical issues given the complexity and responsibility of all they have to juggle,” says Lubna Somjee, Ph.D., Clinical/Health Psychologist and Executive Coach. “Those in leadership have to be careful to manage their own anxiety, or other distressing emotions. Otherwise, these become contagious, resulting in low morale and productivity amongst employees.”

Anxiety as a General Concept

The term “anxiety” is often used as a general way to refer to behaviors that show signs of stress. “Anxiety is a physiological experience,” says Katie Playfair, LPC, CSP, counselor and workplace behaviorist at Playfair Consulting. “It's about that feeling of impending doom, where your body is preparing for something bad to happen. Worry and planning are common cognitive responses to anxiety. Stress or stressors are things happening in the outside world that put pressure on our system (physical, psychological, and social). Bosses can become anxious like anyone else for a variety of reasons. They may have a bio-temperamental predisposition to feel anxious or a cognitive habit of worry and planning that exacerbates anxiety.”

Whether the official diagnosis is actual anxiety (in the clinical sense) or just stress-induced panic and worry, the end result for employees can be the same: everyone is tense and on edge, and probably not performing at their best. The work of the team overall is likely to suffer, which in turn will just cause more stress.

How Stress Factors into the Equation

It’s no surprise to learn that stress is often to blame for anxiety at work. “Anxiety disorders such as panic attacks, phobias, social anxiety, excessive worry, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, like diabetes, cardiac conditions and migraines, while not caused by stress, are highly stress sensitive,” said Dr. Sally Winston, Clinical Psychologist and Co-Director of the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland. “This means that workplace stress can easily make things worse in both bosses and employees prone to anxiety. Long hours can lead to poor sleep, decreased exercise and haphazard eating habits. Too much screen time and not enough people time can be unhealthy. All these are risk factors for increased anxiety.”

Bosses and Anxiety

Are bosses more prone to anxiety? Not necessarily, although it depends on who you ask. Research conducted by the American Institute of Stress seems to indicate that work can be stressful for everyone—at every level of the company hierarchy. In one AIS study, 80% of workers said they feel stress on the job, and nearly half said they need help in learning how to manage stress. When things aren’t going well, though, it’s often the boss who feels the most heat. “Like all of us, bosses are hounded with external pressures, overwhelmed with information overload, asked to deliver more with less, work longer hours, and have less personal time for renewal activities,” says Antoinette Klatzky of Eileen Fisher LifeWork and Eileen Fisher Leadership Institute. “But what happens when company profits fall or something doesn’t please shareholders? The bosses must take the blame and they are often the first to be fired.”  

How Employees Can Help

For employees lower on the food chain, their feeling of a perceived lack of power can often contribute to workplace stress. Yet ironically, they actually have quite a bit of power when it comes to causing—or alleviating—anxiety for their boss. “It's important to put yourself in their shoes when you are working with a boss like this, and recognize your boss is likely having to juggle multiple demands from potentially multiple directions,” said Somjee. “If you are able to understand what contributes to your boss’ anxiety, you might be able to help quell some of it, whether that's by having the team double check something, helping to make sure soft and hard deadlines are being met, or keeping them in the loop on certain things.”

Minimizing Your Boss’ Anxiety

There are some basic, obvious things you can do to help avoid causing additional stress for your boss. “Not getting your work done on time is sure to increase any boss’ anxiety,” notes Klatzky. “Arriving late to work, taking long lunch hours and breaks - all these behaviors are sure to cause a boss to worry that you aren’t dependable. And if you aren’t dependable, the boss will come under attack from those above him or her.” So being a reliable, dependable employee who doesn’t cause your boss undue headaches can significantly reduce office anxiety Bottom line: the things that make you shine as a star employee will also help lower your manager’s stress level.

Staying Positive—and Productive

Anxiety and stress can be contagious, so it’s important to try and protect your own mental health when things get tense in the office. “The number one rule — remain calm,” said Klatzky “Here at Eileen Fisher LifeWork, every meeting begins with a minute of silence so we can shift into a relaxed state. Most of us have studied mindfulness and practice regularly. It works. Mindfulness is the ability to intentionally pay attention to the present moment without judgment. In other words, it is the art of cultivating the ability to be in control of our own minds instead of our minds being in control of us. When we face an anxious boss, mindfulness training helps us to not react in the moment. Instead, we pause and consider our options. If the anxious boss is asking us to do something that we can’t do, we would initiate a conversation about another possible solution. Offering another solution to a demand and inviting dialogue, usually diffuses the other person’s anxiety.”

Anxiety can have individual effects in each person, so it’s important to try different approaches to see what works best for you. Anxiety and Depression Association of America recommends a multi-faceted approach for treating anxiety, both in and out of the workplace. Among the most effective treatments are therapy, medication, alternative/holistic treatments, and meditation.

Real-Life Example

Playfair offers this anecdote from her own experience as a case study about how anxiety impacts the workplace:

Early in my career, I worked for a boss, whom we'll call "Bob." I came to work for Bob as an internal transfer and everyone warned me that Bob did not like anyone he did not hire directly. I was convinced that if I worked hard to impress Bob and build a relationship with him, that I would be the first person he didn't hire that he got to like. I focused on the content of my job, yet at each check-in, Bob gave me poor feedback. So I tried harder and did the things he asked me to do. Still, he gave me bad feedback. I worked harder on the content of what Bob was asking me to do and the feedback just got worse. I left, never really knowing what happened. I later learned that Bob distrusted people he didn't hire and those who had relationships across the larger organization, especially with the executive team. I imagine given my previous role in the organization, I might have been a stressor. 

I did not have the experience nor the skills at that point in my career to ask Bob about what was really going on. Many years later, I would want to say to him, "I have really excelled in this company for the last several years I've been on the staff. I notice that my feedback suddenly worsened when I arrived here in your office. I keep trying to incorporate the feedback you've given me to make changes but I can't figure out what I'm missing. I find myself wondering what's going on and how our messages are getting crossed in weekly in-person meetings. What do you think about this?" I now know how to formulate questions that could have helped me understand Bob's world and that would have forced him to examine the fact that ultimately, he was sabotaging me and "forcing me out." I simply did not have the skills nor the tolerance of discomfort in conversations to effectively engage in that type of discussion at that time. 

Have you ever had an anxious boss? Were you able to find productive ways to communicate? Share what you learned in the comments so that others can try your techniques.