Why Is It So Hard To Ask For Help When Facing Psychological Distress?

Photo by Nathan McDine

And why is it even harder for men?

I was recently watching an online event organized by MAYDAY! M’AIDER!, a new French-Canadian online community that focuses on opening the dialogue on mental health and breaking the isolation. What was unique about this event called “Les Boys'' was the guest-speaker line-up which was solely composed of men. All middle aged (or so) entrepreneur businessmen openly sharing about their journey through mental health challenges, recovery and public disclosure. The format resembled sport commentators casually discussing during a hockey game intermission. One interesting question raised by the host JF Lacasse was: why is it so hard, especially for men, to talk about their psychological and emotional challenges, and ask for help? 

So, I started wondering: is gender really influencing how close a person is to their emotions? How much is true? Why would men hide their psychological challenges more than women? A quick survey among the mental wellness online communities I’m involved with showed that, among all of their followers, about 75% are females. Why is that so? Where are the males? On the other hand, as a peer specialist, I have noticed that in hospital or peer support group settings, men are overrepresented. Are males much more afraid of disclosure than females, hence avoiding public platforms? Is this just the everlasting gender stereotype carrying on?

By collecting peers’ perspectives, looking at research and drawing from my personal and professional experience (and as a man), I wanted to share some findings on what could lead to one’s silence and isolation when faced with mental health challenges. Of course, everyone’s experience is unique and different, but these are the most common themes I have observed: 

1.What the data is telling us about gender stereotypes

According to the World Health Organization (WHO)

• “Only 2 in every 5 people (all genders) seek assistance in the year of the onset of their mental health struggles”. Despite gender, this is way too low! We must change that through awareness, education and stigma reduction.

• “Women predominate in the rates of common conditions such as anxiety and depression (twice as much and more persistent than men). Socioeconomic determinants, violence, social position and inequality are among the drivers behind those higher rates”. This piece of data could support the much higher percentage of women joining online mental health support communities, for example.

• “Doctors are more likely to diagnose depression in women compared with men. Female gender is a significant predictor of being prescribed mood-altering psychotropic drugs”. Unbelievable! What a sad stereotype that still lingers on. Asking questions, clarifications and justifications to your doctor about their diagnosis and proposed treatment path can help fighting this stereotype and getting proper support. Speak up, it is your experience, your health.

• “Women are more likely to seek help from and disclose mental health problems to their primary health care physician while men are more likely to seek specialist mental health care and are the principal users of inpatient care”. This confirms what we - peer specialists - observe in the field. One explanation could be that men seem to wait longer than women to seek help and when they do, their condition has worsened, or they are in crisis. I’m a living example of that. The only two occasions I went to the hospital for my mental health challenges were 1) generalized anxiety with panic disorder and 2) severe depression with psychotic events and suicide attempt. 

• “Men are more likely than women to disclose problems with alcohol use to their health care provider”. There is light on the end of the tunnel. Keep opening up men!

• “Gender stereotypes regarding proneness to emotional problems in women and alcohol problems in men, appear to reinforce social stigma and constrain help seeking along stereotypical lines. They are a barrier to the accurate identification and treatment of psychological conditions”. It is so important that we all fight the gender stereotypes and break the mental health stigma. Speak up about your experience, concerns and needs.

2. What our parents have been telling us: shake it off!

The way we’ve been raised and our role-models’ behavior definitely influenced our own perceptions, narrative and thinking patterns. One of the best examples is the anti-self-compassion/anti-empathy phrase: “stop whining, pull yourself together and carry on”. As a kid, when I would hurt myself running up the stairs, my father would tell me to go faster the next time. He wasn’t a bad father. Almost every peer I talk to can relate to that way of thinking and living. It is most likely a heritage from their parents, grand-parents and probably all the way back to the first human beings obliged to live in survival/doing mode. Focusing on duties, working hard from dusk until dawn, not asking themselves too many questions, praying, and repeating this pattern day after day seemed the way to go. Another similar saying is “boys and big girls don’t cry”. Wow, what a great way to invalidate and dismiss a kid’s feelings and experience. Just because we aren’t comfortable dealing with difficult emotions? Despite all efforts to push the “bad stuff” away, it always comes back at some point, psychologically and/or physically.

3. What culture and society are telling us about masculinity

Some say men have lost their masculinity, that “men aren’t men anymore”. Well, men won’t have much chance to be “real” men if they end up dead, not being able and comfortable to express their emotions and experience. I know, I was one of them: not macho but all the rest. Behind their beards, muscles, loud voices or nasty language, the highly insecure macho men are still holding on strong to their sole family provider and protector role. In addition, shame infiltrates their own narrative: “how can I even feel these emotions? I’m stronger than that. How can I show soft emotions like sadness or fear and still be the rock I must be for my wife, my family, my friends and for society? That whole cover up always made me sad and concerned for both women and men, as it shadows all the rest, the real stuff.

4. What we tell ourselves about our reality

I will always remember standing in the lobby of our house, my wife with the phone in her hands ready to call 911 and never felt that scared in my whole life. I was in full panic mode, seven months into a major depression, anxiety disorder and fighting for survival. I was absolutely convinced that if she made that called, the police would force my admission into a psychiatric hospital where I would be locked up for the rest of my life. Losing everything, including myself.

Another major fear many peers (men and women) have shared with me is making a career suicide the moment they disclose their mental health struggles or seek help. What would their boss, their organization, their employees think? How can they come back from this? And if they come back, will everyone be judgmental and doubting their ability to carry-on work as usual? Will their employer terminate their job? Will they be able to find work somewhere else or at all? Will they be labeled as weak, ill, unfit? While these are all legitimate questions and fears while mentally struggling, it is the depression and/or the anxiety talking. Most of the time, those apocalyptic scenarios don’t occur, on the contrary. That’s what happened to me i.e., colleagues and bosses showed compassion and support. Some even opened up and shared their own experience with mental health challenges.

5. What we are not taught to understand

Often my wife reminds me to express my emotions: “just say it, say what you’re feeling inside”. Many times, I am clueless about what the emotion is, what is the name of what I’m experiencing? It’s not that I’m ashamed or too proud, I just don’t know, and I don’t want to say the wrong thing that could scare off my wife or family. What I’ve learned is to at least say something, try and correct as needed. Sometimes the words coming out are too intense compared to what I’m really feeling but it’s a start, it opens up the conversation which is a major initial step toward getting help.

6. What we think when suffering “alone”

In both men and women, thinking that you must be the only one to feel this way, especially when working in a high performing environment, is very common. Thoughts like: “everybody else seems just fine, they are pushing through”, “no one is complaining”, “others have so much more responsibilities and bigger problems” are simply negative and unproductive. But then, as soon as you start sharing with people around you, you find out that you’re not alone, that most people are also struggling, and they truly understand what you are going through. That precise moment when you find your peers is a bliss and feels so liberating. Go and find peers within your friends, family members, colleagues or join a peer support group in your community or online. It will transform you and your recovery journey.

How to help ourselves and someone in need

Above stereotypes and whether you are a male, female, non binary, you are a human being that may need support. So please, do ask for help. And for family members, loved ones, friends, colleagues, please start the conversation by asking the person who struggles: “how are you feeling, really?”, “what are you thinking about?”, “what are your fears?”, “how can I help?”, “what kind of support do you need right now?”. I know it will sound counterintuitive but try not to find solutions, just listen actively, genuinely and fully. Just be there for the person. Keep in mind that for a person in crisis, any task may seem huge and impossible to achieve, especially finding resources and seeking for help. I remember that for me trying to find a therapist was so hard, complicated and exhausting. So, offering to accompany the person in their search or to attend a peer support group or professional therapy goes a long way. That is pure peer support. Anyone can do it and save a life.

Born and raised in Quebec City, Pat G (Patrice) spent several years in the medical industry, overcame burnout, then moved to Boston where he experienced severe mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him through self-discovery and a career shift. He became a Certified Peer Specialist and highly engaged in humanizing mental health through education and awareness.

Over a year ago, Pat pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to take care of communications and to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars. He also volunteers with NAMI and participates in various writing and speaking engagements.

More recently, Pat founded and launched Human Experience Peer Consultant, a platform to share his own recovery journey, resources and offers a unique perspective when it comes to mental wellness education in the workplace. He loves to connect and collaborate with Peers doing unique, innovative and human-focused work in the mental wellness field.

How to Help Your Elderly Parents or Grandparents During Lockdown

Gloucester, England, where the author lives.

I live in Gloucester, England, where COVID lockdowns have happened in two waves. Lockdown 1.0 had catastrophic effects on all of our mental health, but it was clear that the elderly suffered more than most. Older people are more susceptible to the disease, so many were forced to shield for months and some didn’t have social contact throughout that time. The, the decision to go back into lockdown this year, caused many older people to fear the worst. While there is some light at the end of the tunnel in the form of vaccinations, it still seems like respite is a long way away.  In some ways, Lockdown 2.0 feels even more isolating than the previous one: the winter weather makes it difficult to get outside for fresh air and the darker days are preventing our serotonin levels from topping up.

Furthermore, people living in rural areas appear to be quite hard hit. With my grandparents living in a rural area, they particularly have been feeling the effects of this lockdown. While they are certainly not short of local walks to prevent their day from feeling too repetitive, they are still struggling from the lack of amenities open. In contrast, most cities are still filled with coffee shops and cafes offering take out or more shops that have been deemed as essential. Many rural areas have not been so lucky in this sense, meaning that they feel even more cut off from the rest of the world. 

If you’ve noticed that your parents or elderly loved ones are struggling to keep their spirits up during this lockdown, I’ve pulled together some mood-boosting tips that have helped me with my grandparents to help perk them up until we ride out this wave together.

I made sure my grandparents were eating well.

A full belly and healthy, nutritious meals go a long way in boosting our mood. Even in normal times, the elderly can often struggle with tasks such as shopping as it involves traveling to the shops and carrying heavy bags of shopping. During the pandemic the strain of this task is multiplied, with fears of coming into contact with COVID, overcrowding and low supplies due to panic buyers being high on the list of concerns. There are also fewer public transport options, cold weather and icy roads to think about presently. If your elderly parents or grandparents are like mine, they may be too anxious to make a trip to the shops and therefore not feeding themselves very well. 

We’re lucky enough to have access to a whole host of technologies that prevent your loved ones needing to leave the house to fetch supplies. Boost their mood by organizing a food shop to be delivered to their house. (You could also use food delivery services, such as Blue Apron, to get a hot meal delivered to their door.)

Experts advise you to buy “long-life food such as frozen ready meals, tinned vegetables and dry pasta are very easy to prepare into a nutritious meal. Items such as chickpeas, lentils, pulses and frozen fish are full of nutritious proteins to help maintain muscle strength, which is especially important if they are unable to move around as often as they’d like.”

And don’t forget to include little surprises for your loved ones. Growing up, my nan always made us cakes and treats ready for when we’d visit on the weekend. Now she’s baking less than before, being reminded of the fact that her family are not there to try her creations. So my Aunt – who does not live far from her – has been baking on an almost weekly basis and dropping them off on her doorstep. My nan has been elated with each one. 

The food doesn’t need to be fancy—just warm and filled with love.

Your gesture will not only ensure that your loved one has enough provisions to live well, but they’ll appreciate that you were thinking of them - this can be hugely uplifting for a person who is shielding or struggling with social distancing. If you’d like to bake for your grandparents, parents, or even friends, there are some great recipes over on BBC Good Food.

I made sure my grandparents were getting fresh air.

While your loved one may not be comfortable or able to go for daily walks, it’s still important that they get fresh air. Studies have shown time and time again that fresh air increases the amount of oxygen flow to the brain which increases cognitive function and helps the brain heal.  Encourage your elderly loved one to open all their windows (make sure they wrap up warm first!) for at least 5 minutes a day to blow away the cobwebs and give their brain a bit of a refresh. 

Luckily, my grandparents love going on their daily walks, and living near a forest, they’re certainly not short of selection. But others have not been so lucky. In more urban areas, the walks can be quite limited, and because of the larger populations, they’re usually crowded and harder to social distance. With the government’s advice still instructing us to stay local, many may be bored or anxious about walking in crowded areas. 

If this is the case, try and schedule early morning or late evening walks with them, especially now that we’re moving into spring and the days are starting to lengthen. Offer to accompany them if they’re feeling nervous – just remember to maintain social distancing.  

I make social contact a daily occurrence.

The younger generations are used to being in constant communication with each other as we harness technology to keep in touch. Your elderly may not have the tech capabilities to use video call facilities or even text so unless your parent is supported by care, there could be days or weeks where they don’t speak to another person. Loneliness is a silent killer so you’ll need to take additional steps to ensure your parent is getting enough social contact. Call them every day, make a habit of sitting down at the same time with a cup of tea each and having a chat. It will be the highlight of their day. Go one step further and encourage your other family members to do the same.

If you’re finding it hard to think of things to talk about, what with so little going on in our lives right now, try mixing it up with weekly virtual games. My family and I have been taking it in turns to host a quiz via Facebook Messenger during each lockdown, each week coming up with a new theme. We announce the theme at the start of the week so everyone has a chance to revise the topic if they do not know much about it. This could also be a good way to give your elderly parents something to do throughout the week, as they can read up on a topic, and then plan a quiz when it is their turn.

You may run out of theme ideas pretty quickly, so here’s a few out-of-the-box ones that my family and I have done:

• Find photos of your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. from when they were younger (e.g., school photos, teenage years) and get the younger family members to guess who’s who.

• Play the introduction of a song, and everyone has to guess what it is before the singer starts.

• Try school subjects, like History, English, Biology, find some old exam papers from a year or so ago and get everyone to see if they can answer correctly.

• Recipes – take traditional/popular recipes of favourite meals, read out the ingredients, and see if everyone can guess what the recipe is for.

If quizzes aren’t your thing, you can also try virtual PowerPoint night (make a PowerPoint on the most random topic you can think of) or games that can be played over video call, like charades. 

I always try to keep my grandparents busy.

Mental health is just as important as physical health and your loved one may be struggling to keep their spirits up during the long, dark winter nights. Make sure they have plenty of activities to keep them busy - send them jigsaws, puzzle books, knitting supplies, CDs, books and any other hobby that can keep their mind focused and their hands busy. 

My sister and I recently bought our grandparents colour by numbers sets, which they’re extremely happy with. They’ve told us that they’ve been spending their afternoons painting while listening to music and sipping on cups of tea! Activities such as this allow them to be creative and they can reminisce about when they would do these activities while they were younger. 

Most importantly, I try to provide reassurance.

This can be a scary and lonely time for the elderly. Remind them frequently that better days are coming and that the vaccinations are now providing us with a very real end goal. Make future plans for when you can see each other once again - visiting their favourite restaurant, going on holidays, having BBQs, birthday parties and christmases together. Having something to look forward to will reassure them that this is a temporary situation.

Meghan Taylor is an emerging freelance writer dedicated to topics related to elderly care, mental health, and family dynamics. After seeing the impact the pandemic has had on the country, Meghan wrote this piece to help others try and get through lockdown, and spread a little happiness in someone's life. When she isn't writing, she can be found curled on the sofa, book and coffee in hand.

Spot Your Thought Patterns Through Radical Honesty Journaling

Photo by Kat Stokes

Many of us struggle with self-awareness and self-love. We’re capable of helping others, understanding their problems, and providing support, but when it comes to our own issues, we have a hard time doing the same. We’re unable to recognize or analyze our behavior objectively.

The truth is many of us are forced into repetitive patterns we believe are an innate part of us. Just because we’re repeating some action, usually unwanted ones, doesn’t mean they’re who we are. Our perceptions of the world are hypotheses based on past experiences and stored information. By employing pattern recognition in our daily lives, we can unlock more of our potential and help ourselves grow. One of the best ways to recognize and deal with our own patterns is through writing a radical honesty journal.

Below, you'll find everything you need to know about uncovering your thought patterns through radical honesty journaling.

Tuning in to your thoughts via pattern recognition

It’s important to understand what exactly pattern recognition is and how it can influence your mental health and overall well-being. Pattern recognition refers to a process of inputting stimulating (pattern) information and matching with the information in long-term memory, then recognizing the category which the stimulation belongs to.

It might sound a bit confusing, so we’re going to break it down and put it simply:

1. A person receives a piece of information from their environment.

2. It could be an event, a sound, or something visual.

3. This information enters the short-term memory

4. It automatically triggers and activates some matching information from the long-term memory

That means that pattern recognition is about responding to certain stimuli based on human's available knowledge and experience. (Wang Shugen (2002)

Here’s a simple example: Last year something great happened to you while the radio was playing a specific song you remembered. Every time you hear that song, you automatically feel happy and content.

But, pattern recognition isn't always a good thing. It can have negative effects on our mental health.

How can pattern recognition change our perspective?

Following patterns that are not good for us is something we need to recognize and stop from happening. You don’t want to be stuck in a repetitive cycle that’s doing you harm.

This is why you need to learn how to recognize those patterns and decide whether or not they’re good for you. We need help with pattern recognition in order to:

• understand our potentially harmful behavior

• find a pattern that leads to a negative outcome

• free ourselves from patterns that are not good for us

Here's an example: You’re feeling depressed because you didn’t go through with a business idea you had. As you step back and analyze your patterns, you realize this is because you always discourage yourself in such situations and allow for negative self-talk.

Pattern recognition is about connecting your past with your present. If you do it right, you might have a better understanding of why you feel a certain way or why you do certain things.

In the long run, this can help you become more confident, self-loving, and productive.

What is Radical Honesty Journaling?

As we’ve already mentioned, honesty journaling is an effective tool for establishing pattern recognition and learning about self-improvement opportunities. But, what exactly is honesty journaling?

Honesty journaling is a process in which you write down your daily impressions like:

• how you feel

• emotions you felt at a certain moment

• events that meant something to you

• your ideas

• your plans and goals

• your fears and insecurities

It’s called an honesty journal because you’re supposed to be completely honest with yourself. That means there’s no room for:

• censorship

• questioning your journal entries

•  overthinking every word

Instead, you’re just supposed to write the first thing that comes to your mind without worrying about being judged or embarrassing yourself. This is why honesty journaling truly manages to get to you and dig up your deepest but most truthful emotions and ideas. This is just you talking to yourself honestly and without any limitations.

How  Radical Honesty Journaling Helps With Pattern Recognition

There are several ways in which radical honesty journaling is good for pattern recognition, helping you recognize the repetitive cycles you’re in and find a way to deal with them.

It helps you record what’s happened.

For you to be able to recognize your patterns, you need to keep track of your actions and emotions. This is the only way for you to understand what’s happening.

Honesty journaling is something you should do regularly. This way, you’ll be:

• writing new entries regularly

• writing down everything that matters

• keeping track of your progress over time

Keeping it all documented and organized will help you analyze it and draw conclusions.

It keeps you honest.

The whole point of writing this journal is for you to be 100% honest. This would be impossible if you were talking to a friend or a family member.

Honesty journaling is your safe place that no one but you is allowed in. That’s what will make you expose yourself completely and allow yourself to truly understand what’s going on inside of you.

It brings forth new ideas.

When you're writing your honesty journal, you're not thinking in advance. You're not planning every word or trying to make it all aesthetically on-point.

You’re just writing as things come to your mind.

This stream of consciousness method is what reveals your deepest secrets and creates a window into your personality and emotions.

It gives you a new perspective.

As you write in your journal, you’re collecting data about yourself. You’re able to take a step back and go through your writing.

As you’re reading, you’ll be able to recognize:

• behavior patterns

• emotional patterns

• major issues

• your triggers

You’ll be able to learn from this personal overview and draw conclusions about why you’re acting or feeling a certain way. That means that radical honesty journaling helps you with pattern recognition and allows you to understand yourself better.

Ultimately, it helps you resolve issues.

As you begin to recognize your patterns, especially the negative ones, you'll also begin to realize how to get rid of them. Understanding is the first step toward resolving. 

You’ll be able to learn about:

• substituting negative self-talk with positive affirmations

• discontinuing negative patterns

• introducing healthy changes

• loving yourself more

Pattern recognition is crucial for building a positive self-image and making conscious, right decisions that are good for you, your mental and physical health. 

Final Thoughts

As you can see, radical honesty journaling is the ultimate tool for learning about yourself and recognizing your repetitive cycles. It can help you with pattern recognition and allow you to work on self-love and confidence.

Hopefully, the information provided in this article helped you understand the importance of radical honesty journaling for proper thought pattern recognition.

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Dorian Martin is a professional writer and editor. He primarily works as an essay writer, helping students get into the college of their dreams. He also runs his personal blog, where he shares tips on digital marketing, entrepreneurship and success.

What is Toxic Positivity?

Photo by Amanda Jones

If you’ve ever been around someone who seems a little bit too happy, that no matter what happens, they always put on a smile and tell you how okay it will be, or if you want to find comfort in a friend only for them to turn around and be just a little bit too nice after your life falls apart, you could be experiencing toxic positivity. 

So let’s define toxic positivity

It’s exactly how it sounds: Toxic positivity is being so positive that no other mindset is possible. It’s being positive in a problematic way that closes off the negative aspects of life. While this mindset can be a breath of fresh air, a comfort you weren’t expecting, sometimes people need to be told how it is and plan for how we can get through it. Ignoring that fact and being reinforced to stay happy, that’s where the problems arise. 

Positivity has never been as necessary as it has been now. 2020 saw the world enter one of its darkest stages in a very long time, many of us weren’t and still aren’t allowed to leave our homes for much more than the essentials. Thousands across the world have died, lost their loved ones or jobs. Every single one of us is looking for some sort of respite from it all. But is being positive for the sake of it the answer? 

The argument around toxicity

To look adversity in the eye, ignore it and remain positive no matter what takes immense skill. So many of us probably do not possess such a thing and yet, we may all know of at least someone that does. Our moods are strange things, sometimes we can be so motivated, so happy and want to do everything we can to succeed, other times we may just want to eat ice cream and watch Grey’s Anatomy. The point is, moods fluctuate, they change and form who we are. Sometimes, things don’t go as we plan, and it requires some lateral thinking to get back on our feet, sometimes all hope is lost and it takes a while to build ourselves back up. That’s the way so many of us operate, we get knocked down and build ourselves up again, ready to fight that next challenge, setting goals and making sure that defeat goes a little differently next time. 

Or you could be overly positive. In a world where sadness is not an option, and you are highly motivated all of the time, where adversity doesn’t affect you because you are the highly motivated, happy individual that has never felt anything go wrong or the hopelessness of a plan going against the grain. That’s what it is to be overly happy, and it’s a way of thinking that has more impact on us than we’d realise. 

Studies have shows that thought suppression is real and has a real detrimental impact on the way we think about our lives. That person telling you not to worry and be happy, is actually making you worry about that thing a whole lot more. Especially now, as so many of us grow increasingly conscious of the pandemic and the issues that surround us as people, that person saying it’s all going to be okay might really get on your nerves. Even more so, is it sustainable to live in an overly positive fashion? Humans are volatile, we react in a way that is natural and upon reflection is how we learn to cope. There is a time and a place for positivity, sometimes we want to be happy and be proud of our achievements, we share good times, make progress and learn when to switch off and enjoy our lives, just like there is a place for the negative stuff, it’s about balance. 

Optimism or realism? 

Hopefully, from this piece you’ve had a thought about where you stand on the positivity scale. Over positivity is as dangerous as over negativity and both can lead to several mental concerns, the key is finding the balance to make time to reflect be happy and learn from our mistakes, it’s grounding ourselves in realism whilst remaining optimistic; it doesn’t have to be a choice of one or the other, why not have both? 

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Katherine Rundell is a relationship writer at  Homework done for you and Write My Essay services. She enjoys helping others find love and sharing advice on how to navigate through the world of Christian dating. When she’s not online she enjoys the tactile practice of pottery-making as a break from screen-time.

Try Mindful Coloring to Reduce Anxiety

Photo of the author

2020 was a doozy. Collectively, we’ve faced unprecedented levels of uncertainty, grief, loss and frustration. It was a year that called on us to dig deep from our well of inner resources. At the end of our poise and patience, we rolled up our tattered sweatshirt sleeves and set out desperately to find more resources. We found them in creature comforts. But what do we do when that well of cold cereal for dinner and Netflix for dessert runs dry?

Fortunately, there are plenty of simple fall-backs that can help break up the blur between days and the conveyor belts of news headlines and doom scrolling. Coloring is one of the most underrated balms for stressful times.

Yes, coloring. Just like we did when we were children.

It’s easy. It’s convenient. Most people already have the supplies needed to begin. And best of all, it’s proven to help relieve stress and reduce activity in the amygdala, the region of the brain responsible for the fight or flight response. One 2005 study from Journal of the American Art Therapy Association found that coloring for twenty minutes reduced anxiety in college students. Another study found that mindfulness art therapy helped relieve symptoms of distress in women with cancer. 

While coloring fits easily into existing self care routines, it can also be an accessible launching pad for getting more connected to habits of mindfulness, positive affirmations, and meditative states. For those dealing with serious mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, addiction or bipolar disorder, remember that coloring is not an alternative to professional help. Always work closely with your mental health professional while exploring supportive remedies.

Five Ways To Use Coloring to Alleviate Anxiety

1. Morning Routine

Some days, just getting out of bed can feel like an undertaking. Try placing coloring postcards and a few of your favorite colored pencils on your bedside table. See if you can color for ten minutes before getting out of bed or reaching for your phone (even better: leave your phone in a drawer out of sight). How many days in a row can you do it? See how you feel after a week of this simple swap. Healthy changes like these can also build self esteem by beginning the day with a simple accomplishment to serve your wellbeing.

2. Cool Down

Coloring can be a healthy outlet for releasing emotional buildup after intense experiences such as a work meeting, an argument, or receiving upsetting news. This is especially important for those in high stress occupations and those who feel they have to “be on” most of the time, such as parents and clergy. Emotions are stored until we process them. Pausing to color is kind for your current and future self. Next time you’re feeling a high intensity emotions, try taking a moment to feel your emotions and release them onto the coloring page.

3. Social Anxiety 

You get to a place early. There’s a lull in conversation. Instead of reaching for your phone, pull out the coloring page you’re working on. Take a moment to arrive and feel curious about the social experience you are about to have. Coloring with friends can be a welcome surprise too; pass some pencils around and watch the conversation flow. Giving the hands something to do can often enable you to listen more closely and be more present, rather than getting inside your head and lost in your own anxiety around an experience.

4. Warmup Before Creative Work 

Often, the hardest part of creating art, music or writing is getting into the zone. This also applies to activities that require present attention like research, building, baking, or organizing. Even ten minutes of coloring before diving into your work can invite focused attention on the task at hand. Plus, feeling better can lead to better performance and better outcomes. 

5. Before Bed Routine

Quality of sleep is intricately related to quality of life. We all know that screens before bed can be detrimental to our sleep patterns. Yet it’s nice to have something to zone out to as the day comes to a close. Try turning down overhead lights, playing some background music or beats, and taking twenty minutes to color as you digest the day and prepare for the act of resting and sleep. This is a good time to mix in affirmations as you color: I have done enough today. I am loved. I am capable of handling the challenges before me. I bring my best self when I am rested. Celebrate yourself, you made it through another day. 

A Quick Guide to Mindful Coloring

Sometimes all we need is a moment to just be, to balance our energy and regain our composure, in order to move through a bout of anxiety. The following is a simple process to begin your own mindful coloring practice.

Before You Begin

Turn off distractions, such as phone or computer. As you sit down with a coloring page and colored pencils or crayons, prime your mind with a simple affirmation of gratitude: Thank you. I want to be here. Take three big, full belly breaths. Rub your hands together briskly, to warm them up and bring attention to your body. Then choose the color you’re most drawn to. Look inward and ask yourself: What color am I feeling? Try to choose a color rather than naming emotions that have negative or positive connotations.

Color Time

Begin coloring. Breathe. Allow your mind to focus on the act of coloring. Feel the crayon or pencil on the paper. Get intrigued by the lines, the shapes, the visual effects you can create. Think about the animal or the subject in the picture. Get curious about the creature.

What emotion do you see in the image? Allow yourself to get absorbed in the experience. There’s nowhere else you need to be. How does it feel to physically color? What emotions come up as you go? Following the color you started with, rotate through the color wheel in rainbow order (Red-Orange-Yellow-Green-Blue-Purple). See if you can focus fully on each color as you use it. There are many emotions associated with the colors. This can help to reset the mind and restore emotional balance. Free your mind. You don’t have to process the day and solve all your problems. Justfeel the experience and allow yourself to be fully present for this time you’ve given yourself.

When you’re finished

Take three big breaths. Repeat an affirmation of gratitude. Clean up your space quietly and store your supplies in the open where you’ll remember to reach for them next time.For times when the pressures, the monotony, or the sheer unpredictability of life weigh heavy, reach for an escape that will leave you feeling better, not worse. You may be surprised at how much can change with a simple new habit of coloring for a few minutes each day. Responsibilities may begin to feel more manageable and inner life may feel more steady when you take the time to put colors to paper and set down some of what you’ve been carrying. 

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Mackenzie Bakewell is the creator and designer of independent coloring book company ZieBee. For resources, supplies, and mindful coloring inspiration, follow ziebee on Instagram. Make Art, Bee Happy.

How To Avoid New Year's Resolution Letdown

Photo by Maria Soledad

Introduce mental wellness practices into your life

Every year coming January, I would set good old resolutions. Like many, I ended up failing (studies have shown that approximately 80% of New Year's resolutions fail). Why is that? For me, it was setting goals that were either unrealistic, based on social pressure, people-pleasing or I would just set too many. For example, I would want to go to the gym three times per week but I was starting a new demanding job. With onboarding, learning and not being fully efficient yet, this new job took more time than it usually would, meaning less time for exercising as often as I set up to. The whole “New Year resolution-thing” resulted in making me feel disappointed in myself, unable to succeed. 

Photo by Danielle Cerullo.

I started wondering: why not suggest something different this year? Like integrating enjoyable wellness practices into your life to reduce mental suffering and bring happiness. Simple, quick and impactful healthy habits that can last for a lifetime, not just a year. 

This is what I’d like to share with you, and it all begins with self-determination. That little spark inside of you that gets you moving on your own terms toward what you want. Self-determination brings hope, motivation, ownership and helps determine your personal goals. Even if you aren’t sure how, you don’t know where to start, you don’t feel having the energy or the right skills, just give starting a new healthy habit a try and see what happens. What if it works? What if you start feeling better, less anxious or less depressed? 

Early on in my recovery journey, I was taught to change or introduce only one thing at the time. One thing that would really improve my mental wellness. The trick is getting “quick wins” i.e., setting one simple meaningful goal and achieving it. This way, you gain self-confidence and build on success. Your goal could be as simple as learning abdominal breathing. It seems easy but whatever new habit you’re trying to implement, the challenge will be with the discipline to practice consistently. The good news is that you don’t have to be a pro to start enjoying its benefits!

Here are four simple and very effective mental wellness practices that I have been successfully using and teaching. Let me be the spark that ignites your self-determination. Pick one and integrate it to your daily routine. You’ll quickly notice that instead of adding more stuff to do, you will actually be creating more space in your mind and feel happier.

Photo by Prophsee Journals

1. Set and follow a daily routine

Sounds boring, I know but like it or not we are creatures of habit. It is scientifically proven that setting and following a daily routine is great for reducing anxiety and symptoms of depression. A routine provides a sense of control, purpose, structure, motivation and pride in having accomplished something. Plus, it gives you more headspace to deal with bigger decisions, projects or unforeseen events in the course of your day.

In my experience, every time I have rebelled for whatever reason against creating a routine or organizing my time, I felt depressed or overwhelmed (so much to do!). Planning my day is now part of my daily routine and mental wellbeing habits. It isn’t really a to do list (I have a separate one), not as detailed. It is more like a roadmap with high level activities to plan and see where I’m going (get up, meditate, breakfast, work, lunch, exercise, run errands, call friends, etc). Yet, my routine remains somewhat flexible allowing for unplanned events, mood changes or need for breaks/check-ins with myself. 

2. Balance the four quadrants 

In my last column, I highly recommend using this great tool to balance your days and life. It is effective, quick and eye-opening. Is your time, energy and need fulfillment spread evenly across all four quadrants? What can you do to find balance back? What is in your control? What isn’t? A new mental wellness practice could be to make sure you spend time in those quadrants that you have been dismissing or not pay enough attention to.

3. Practice mindfulness & awareness

I used to constantly bury emotions and avoid uncomfortable thoughts until I was introduced to mindfulness. What a life changer and life saver! Through practicing mindfulness meditation and awareness, I learned to remain calm, confident and clear headed in front of bad feelings and unwanted racing thoughts. 

While mindfulness is about fully and openly embracing the present moment, awareness includes mindfulness with the addition of paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and body sensations without judgment, in full acceptance, without trying to change anything. Because everything is temporary, what we experience is like clouds in the sky, just passing by. If we don’t identify with it or try resisting it, it will go away. Like Carl Jung said: “What we resist (or fight), persists.” Letting go is key for so much of our mental suffering. I will write a separate column just on this important topic. In the meantime, you can try a 3-minute breathing space exercise like the one developed by Jon-Kabat Zinn (or many others online).

A word on meditation. So many people tell me they aren’t “good” at it. What I like best about meditation is not having to be good at it nor trying to achieve anything. You don’t even have to try stopping the thinking wheel or chasing thoughts away (on the contrary!). All you have to do is focus on the breath or an image or a sound and when distracted, patiently and without judgment, keep coming back to it over and over. You will most likely experience calmness and relaxation which are benefits of meditation, not the goal as most people believe.

There are many types of meditation to choose from: sitting, walking, mindfulness, creative visualization, self-compassion, Zen, transcendental, and many more. Starting with a simple short guided meditation is usually best. For those who still have doubts or need scientific evidence, check online the many studies on the health benefits of meditation.

4. Create your daily mantra

In her excellent handbook Get Out of My Head, Meredith suggests inventing your own simple catchphrase to activate your brain and avoid downward spiraling. This way you can let go and take action to move forward. Additionally, studies have shown that positive self-talk shapes neural pathways helping with our self-perception. My personal catchphrase is “I’m a mountain” (strong, unwavering, rooted, calm and confident).

Mount Rundle is what I envision when I say my mantra. Photo by Stevan Marcus Stevanm1

As for creating a mantra, the idea is similar to the catchphrase but for me it focuses more on who I am (my strengths) and what I aspire to be. It is a personal silent intention that motivates me, gives me self-confidence, grounds me and above all, gives me hope.

Final thought: Keep High Hopes

It feels like 2021 is helping us turn the page on what was a very challenging year. We want to get our lives back to some kind of normal, especially as the COVID-19 vaccines are arriving. Yet we are still struggling mentally and trying to push through. Like the Stoics would say, the best we can do is to look at what we can and can’t control. Setting and achieving New Year resolutions or introducing new wellness practices in our lives is something we do control. So, let’s make 2021 a year full of hope by prioritizing our mental health and wellbeing.

Before I go, this is my New Year gift to you: my personal mantra that I wrote sometime back and still recite every day. Maybe it can inspire you too. Take care!

I am grateful for this moment
I am grateful for all my blessings…(I list 3)
I am grateful for my life

May my heart be love, joy and compassion
May my speech be positive and kind
May my eyes see beauty in all
May my mind be calm and clear

I am a mountain through the temporary seasons of life
I see, I feel, I recognize and I let go

I am the silent observer; I respond, I don’t react

I choose to be free
I choose to be enough
I choose to be my complete self
I choose to hold my head up high
I choose to accept and tolerate
I choose to be patient and kind to myself
I choose to hold on hope even when it feels there is none
I choose to follow the sun, to follow happiness
I choose to be in the present moment, always

I breathe in, I breathe out and I smile because I know

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Born and raised in Quebec City, Pat G (Patrice) spent several years in the medical industry, overcame a burn-out, before moving to Boston where he experienced severe mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him through self-discovery and a career shift. He became a Certified Peer Specialist and highly engaged in humanizing mental health through education and awareness.

Over a year ago, Pat pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to take care of communications and to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars. He also volunteers with NAMI and participates in various writing and speaking engagements.

More recently, Pat founded and launched Human Experience Peer Consultant, a platform to sharehis own recovery journey and resources and offers a unique perspective when it comes to mental wellness education in the workplace. He loves to connect and collaborate with Peers doing unique, innovative and human-focused work in the mental wellness field.

What are the biggest signs of burnout?

Photo by Artiom Vallat

Pay attention to these signs your mind and body might be sending.

If you’re anything like most people, you probably find yourself busy running errands, working, doing chores, and caring for people. Sometimes too much work and responsibilities can take their toll, leading to the dreaded burnout.

While symptoms of burnout may vary from person to person, here are 8 common signs your mind and body might be sending to let you know you’re experiencing burnout, even if you haven’t noticed it yet.

1. Your eating habits have changed.

“Changes in your eating habits is often a good sign of burnout,” says health writer Devon McDaniels.“You’ll either find yourself eating less or eating more without noticing it. Either way, these changes are an indicator of stress.”

2. You feel restless.

Restlessness can affect you because you won’t feel well-rested when you need it the most. Whether you’re constantly moving from one project to another, or not taking enough breaks at work, chances are you’re not as well-rested as you might’ve guessed. Even trying to sit still or quieting your mind can make it hard for you to recharge.

3. You feel less motivated.

Another sign of burnout is when you feel less motivated about doing anything, whether it’s a hobby, a job, or anything else. Losing interest in things you’ve once enjoyed can mean that you’re suffering from burnout. If stress has taken its toll on you, then that results in you losing the motivation to do things.

4. You can’t concentrate.

Find yourself struggling to read or write? Is it hard to follow or hold a conversation? There’s a reason why.

While no one is immune to mild forgetfulness during the day, having too much on your plate and stress can result in you finding it hard to concentrate on work, chores, etc.

5. You’re feeling sad and angry.

While burnout can seem like a slight annoyance at first, it can quickly turn you into a raging person, or an emotional wreck. So, it’s best to check yourself, and ask yourself why you’re feeling the way that you are.

• What is going on?

• Who or what made you sad and or angry today?

• What needs to be done to resolve the situation?

• Is the scenario as bad as it seems?

6. You can’t sleep.

If you’re stressed and overwhelmed during the day, then chances are, you’ll find it hard to sleep at night. In fact, insomnia is another sign of burnout, because for instance, if you’re worrying about finishing something before going to bed, then it can be hard to fall asleep afterwards.

Check to see if you have insomnia, or other sleep problems by watching for the following:

• Sleep disturbances at least 3 nights a week, for 3 months or more

• Major distresses that make it hard to sleep

• Problems in your ability to function during the day

7. You find yourself self-medicating.

“Too often, we learn to self-medicate with things like alcohol, recreational drugs, and so on,” says mindfulness writer Thomas Little. “While doing these things in moderation is nothing to sneeze at, doing them obsessively as a way to cope with stress is never okay. Instead, try to reduce your drug and alcohol consumption, and consider finding other ways to self-medicate, such as relaxation techniques, exercise, or taking up a hobby.”

8. You find no joy In your favorite things.

Finally, as mentioned earlier, the loss of motivation leads to loss in interests. Burnout can make you lose interest in things you once loved. For example, if you’ve lost interest in a long-time hobby, then something’s wrong. In fact, losing interest in something you enjoy doing is a tell-tale sign of depression.

Conclusion

While it’s good to push yourself, both physically and mentally, it’s never okay to let that get to you in a way that’s interfering with your wellbeing. In fact, you might get to your breaking point eventually – that’s always never good.

So, understand that it’s okay to take breaks every so often, so that you can recharge, and prevent burnout from robbing you of the joys in life. If you feel that you need a break from the daily grind, seek help from a doctor, a therapist, and – most importantly – friends and family. And remember: everything is going to be okay.

Michael Dehoyos is a lifestyle blogger and editor. He is also a contributing writer for numerous blogs. As a content marketer, he assists companies in their marketing strategies and concepts. Michael lives in Los Angeles, California.

How Nature Affected My Mental Health Journey

Forest bathing became even more important to me in 2020.

“It’s been a hard year for everybody,” was how I initially answered people when they asked me how I was doing. It’s still true. Everyone had a difficult 2020—and some of us have gone through some really awful times. But it took me a few months to realize that that response wasn’t helpful. It never made me feel better, it didn’t reassure people who were asking because they were concerned for me, and it didn’t help anyone asking because they themselves were going through a rough patch. Now, I have a better response.

One of the things I’ve found most helpful this year is forest bathing.

I started doing it in the summer. Once we were out of lockdown and able to safely travel around Scotland, a couple of friends and I went to a camp near Aviemore in the Cairngorms, Scotland’s largest national park. It was a great weekend of hiking and hanging out with friends - two of my favorite things! I even had the chance to teach one of my fellow campers how to build a campfire safely. 

It was only once I’d come back I really appreciated how disconnected I’d felt from nature for most of the start of the year. After coming back to the city, I felt rested despite that weekend being one of the most active in the year for me. I felt like I’d gone through a reset. I slept better after coming back and I felt more energetic and hopeful. I was aware of some research that had shown that natural environments could boost your mental and physical health so I decided to try and engage more regularly with nature. 

Which is how I started forest bathing. Since then, I’ve made an effort to go out for a walk in my local park among the trees as often as I can - usually every day or so. I find it really useful as a way to get out of my apartment during weekdays. I’m currently working from home most days and it’s easy to forget to actually go outside. Going for a walk in the woods on my lunch break really helps me relax and de-stress. Walking through the forest helps me take stock and remember to keep everything in perspective. When I’m out in the great outdoors, I have a better appreciation of what is important. 

I’ll hold my hands up and admit I’m not a zealot. Some days I listen to a podcast or an audiobook whilst walking, which forest bathing purists might scoff at. But for me, it’s about taking the time to unwind and relax, and listening to something I want to (rather than need to - I wouldn’t recommend listening to a news podcast!) helps me enjoy my time wandering beneath the canopy. I’m also aware that everyone’s mental health journey is different, and treatments should be tailored to each individual’s needs. 

Nature isn’t a miracle cure for mental health issues. I don’t want to leave people with the impression that getting out in nature will solve all their problems. It can’t. Nature therapy is gaining respect from medical professionals as a useful, drug-free treatment for mental health issues. But it is only part of the treatment.

If a two-hour walk in the wilderness sounds like your idea of a nightmare, then don’t rely on it to help boost your health and wellbeing. But it’s definitely worth trying, you might be surprised at how relaxing it can be to take some time away from the drama and pressures of modern life and escape into the forest for an hour or so. I know I certainly find peace among the trees. 

So why not try heading out and seeing if you could also get a boost from spending some time enjoying the great outdoors! After all, even if it doesn’t improve your mental wellbeing, there’s plenty of benefits to your physical health that can make it well worthwhile. 

James Black is a Scottish hobbyist camper and hiker. In his day-to-day life, he works as an economist. But his hobbies have encouraged him to start the blog Wilderness Redefined. Through the website, he aims to promote sustainable enjoyment of the great outdoors and encourage making wilderness adventures accessible to all.