How To Avoid New Year's Resolution Letdown
Photo by Maria Soledad
Introduce mental wellness practices into your life
Every year coming January, I would set good old resolutions. Like many, I ended up failing (studies have shown that approximately 80% of New Year's resolutions fail). Why is that? For me, it was setting goals that were either unrealistic, based on social pressure, people-pleasing or I would just set too many. For example, I would want to go to the gym three times per week but I was starting a new demanding job. With onboarding, learning and not being fully efficient yet, this new job took more time than it usually would, meaning less time for exercising as often as I set up to. The whole “New Year resolution-thing” resulted in making me feel disappointed in myself, unable to succeed.
Photo by Danielle Cerullo.
I started wondering: why not suggest something different this year? Like integrating enjoyable wellness practices into your life to reduce mental suffering and bring happiness. Simple, quick and impactful healthy habits that can last for a lifetime, not just a year.
This is what I’d like to share with you, and it all begins with self-determination. That little spark inside of you that gets you moving on your own terms toward what you want. Self-determination brings hope, motivation, ownership and helps determine your personal goals. Even if you aren’t sure how, you don’t know where to start, you don’t feel having the energy or the right skills, just give starting a new healthy habit a try and see what happens. What if it works? What if you start feeling better, less anxious or less depressed?
Early on in my recovery journey, I was taught to change or introduce only one thing at the time. One thing that would really improve my mental wellness. The trick is getting “quick wins” i.e., setting one simple meaningful goal and achieving it. This way, you gain self-confidence and build on success. Your goal could be as simple as learning abdominal breathing. It seems easy but whatever new habit you’re trying to implement, the challenge will be with the discipline to practice consistently. The good news is that you don’t have to be a pro to start enjoying its benefits!
Here are four simple and very effective mental wellness practices that I have been successfully using and teaching. Let me be the spark that ignites your self-determination. Pick one and integrate it to your daily routine. You’ll quickly notice that instead of adding more stuff to do, you will actually be creating more space in your mind and feel happier.
Photo by Prophsee Journals
Set and follow a daily routine
Sounds boring, I know but like it or not we are creatures of habit. It is scientifically proven that setting and following a daily routine is great for reducing anxiety and symptoms of depression. A routine provides a sense of control, purpose, structure, motivation and pride in having accomplished something. Plus, it gives you more headspace to deal with bigger decisions, projects or unforeseen events in the course of your day.
In my experience, every time I have rebelled for whatever reason against creating a routine or organizing my time, I felt depressed or overwhelmed (so much to do!). Planning my day is now part of my daily routine and mental wellbeing habits. It isn’t really a to do list (I have a separate one), not as detailed. It is more like a roadmap with high level activities to plan and see where I’m going (get up, meditate, breakfast, work, lunch, exercise, run errands, call friends, etc). Yet, my routine remains somewhat flexible allowing for unplanned events, mood changes or need for breaks/check-ins with myself.
2. Balance the four quadrants
In my last column, I highly recommend using this great tool to balance your days and life. It is effective, quick and eye-opening. Is your time, energy and need fulfillment spread evenly across all four quadrants? What can you do to find balance back? What is in your control? What isn’t? A new mental wellness practice could be to make sure you spend time in those quadrants that you have been dismissing or not pay enough attention to.
3. Practice mindfulness & awareness
I used to constantly bury emotions and avoid uncomfortable thoughts until I was introduced to mindfulness. What a life changer and life saver! Through practicing mindfulness meditation and awareness, I learned to remain calm, confident and clear headed in front of bad feelings and unwanted racing thoughts.
While mindfulness is about fully and openly embracing the present moment, awareness includes mindfulness with the addition of paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and body sensations without judgment, in full acceptance, without trying to change anything. Because everything is temporary, what we experience is like clouds in the sky, just passing by. If we don’t identify with it or try resisting it, it will go away. Like Carl Jung said: “What we resist (or fight), persists.” Letting go is key for so much of our mental suffering. I will write a separate column just on this important topic. In the meantime, you can try a 3-minute breathing space exercise like the one developed by Jon-Kabat Zinn (or many others online).
A word on meditation. So many people tell me they aren’t “good” at it. What I like best about meditation is not having to be good at it nor trying to achieve anything. You don’t even have to try stopping the thinking wheel or chasing thoughts away (on the contrary!). All you have to do is focus on the breath or an image or a sound and when distracted, patiently and without judgment, keep coming back to it over and over. You will most likely experience calmness and relaxation which are benefits of meditation, not the goal as most people believe.
There are many types of meditation to choose from: sitting, walking, mindfulness, creative visualization, self-compassion, Zen, transcendental, and many more. Starting with a simple short guided meditation is usually best. For those who still have doubts or need scientific evidence, check online the many studies on the health benefits of meditation.
4. Create your daily mantra
In her excellent handbook Get Out of My Head, Meredith suggests inventing your own simple catchphrase to activate your brain and avoid downward spiraling. This way you can let go and take action to move forward. Additionally, studies have shown that positive self-talk shapes neural pathways helping with our self-perception. My personal catchphrase is “I’m a mountain” (strong, unwavering, rooted, calm and confident).
Mount Rundle is what I envision when I say my mantra. Photo by Stevan Marcus Stevanm1
As for creating a mantra, the idea is similar to the catchphrase but for me it focuses more on who I am (my strengths) and what I aspire to be. It is a personal silent intention that motivates me, gives me self-confidence, grounds me and above all, gives me hope.
Final thought: Keep High Hopes
It feels like 2021 is helping us turn the page on what was a very challenging year. We want to get our lives back to some kind of normal, especially as the COVID-19 vaccines are arriving. Yet we are still struggling mentally and trying to push through. Like the Stoics would say, the best we can do is to look at what we can and can’t control. Setting and achieving New Year resolutions or introducing new wellness practices in our lives is something we do control. So, let’s make 2021 a year full of hope by prioritizing our mental health and wellbeing.
Before I go, this is my New Year gift to you: my personal mantra that I wrote sometime back and still recite every day. Maybe it can inspire you too. Take care!
I am grateful for this moment
I am grateful for all my blessings…(I list 3)
I am grateful for my life
May my heart be love, joy and compassion
May my speech be positive and kind
May my eyes see beauty in all
May my mind be calm and clear
I am a mountain through the temporary seasons of life
I see, I feel, I recognize and I let go
I am the silent observer; I respond, I don’t react
I choose to be free
I choose to be enough
I choose to be my complete self
I choose to hold my head up high
I choose to accept and tolerate
I choose to be patient and kind to myself
I choose to hold on hope even when it feels there is none
I choose to follow the sun, to follow happiness
I choose to be in the present moment, always
I breathe in, I breathe out and I smile because I know
Born and raised in Quebec City, Pat G (Patrice) spent several years in the medical industry, overcame a burn-out, before moving to Boston where he experienced severe mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him through self-discovery and a career shift. He became a Certified Peer Specialist and highly engaged in humanizing mental health through education and awareness.
Over a year ago, Pat pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to take care of communications and to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars. He also volunteers with NAMI and participates in various writing and speaking engagements.
More recently, Pat founded and launched Human Experience Peer Consultant, a platform to sharehis own recovery journey and resources and offers a unique perspective when it comes to mental wellness education in the workplace. He loves to connect and collaborate with Peers doing unique, innovative and human-focused work in the mental wellness field.