Gawky is a State of Mind

It might not be a bad one, either.

My early days of creating this site were truly awkward. I began with the worst names. The first was The GAD Owner’s Manual. Yes, the url was equally long and ridiculous. Ha!

I “graduated” to Blind Elephant. Haha! This was the type of imagery I used for Blind Elephant, the site for overthinkers.

Beautiful, but odd for a stress website?

My first days of writing were equally stilted. I remember sharing my early posts and wanting people to read them, yet being terrified they would.

“Look at this! Not too closely! Wait, yes, do look!”

It was all…gawky.

No such thing as a gawky elephant, but an elephant in the room is pretty awkward.

It reminds me of the message in a bottle bobbling off the coast of Oregon on our Beautiful Voyager Map. That message has these words of advice for future travelers:

“You gotta go through gawky to get to graceful.”

Gawky is an unavoidable part of the journey. Thinking you can skip over gawky is like thinking you can go from being a child to being an adult without living through perms and braces: it just isn't going to happen.

I can't pretend to have achieved graceful yet. I can, however, finally see it on the horizon.

Damn does it look appealing.

I can see why so many want people to skip gawky to get there.

And yet…Having lived gawky for a few years now, I’ll share what artists and comedians have known since time began:

If you can build the stamina, sharing the gawky is what transforms you.

“Fake it til you make it” never worked for me.

In part, this is because no one wants to do it. It takes strength and courage to get out there and reveal your true gawky self. But this is exactly why we need to do it.

I’m in the middle of Roxane Gay’s new book, Hunger, right now. It’s a pretty powerful testament to the power of revealing the awkward…the gawky…the unseemly…without apologies. The sheer strength of it is undeniable. This is the birthplace of true grace.

So bring on the gawky, everyone. Let’s see it, in all of its absurd, funny, awful, painful, true, beauty.

love, Meredith

What is "Energy Debt"?

In this series, I tell you about recent conversations with friends and acquaintances whose tales of the wave might ring true for you, too.

Jane Craig, played by Holly Hunter in Broadcast News, is one burnt-out producer lady.

My friend (let's call her Jane Craig) and I were talking on the phone, coordinating carpool for an event we planned to attend together.

"I know I really should go to this," Jane said. "I don't want to let [PARTYTHROWER] down. But I am so, so worried and anxious. I just don't know what to do with myself."

We talked about what had been going on in her life. As an accomplished producer in her 40s, Jane kept herself busy at work. She liked to take on one project while the other was still going. The Jane Craig motto of life: "I like the chaos." 

I asked Jane what she would do the with extra free time if she missed the event. "How would you feel right now if you said no right now?" I asked. 

"Amazing. I'd have to push myself to get this other work done. But if I did it, I'd feel incredible." She paused. "On the other hand, I tend to have a lot of energy in the morning. Perhaps I should just use that energy to get the work done and go to the event as well."

Something her tired voice struck me with a lightening bolt realization. This wasn't just about this Jane Craig and this one event. This was about me, burnout, and all of the Jane Craigs in the world. This was behavior I had seen us all indulging in for way too long.

Jane Craig plus team at the station.

"I hate to break it to you Jane, but you are in serious debt right now. And on top of that you're a spendthrift. You're in ENERGY debt. Every time you get the slightest bit of energy in your hands, you run to spend it. It's time to pay back some of your debts. You don't really have a choice about this. We're talking about debt here."

Jane decided to send her regrets to the event. I told her that the only way she could truly justify missing this event is if she started to take responsibility for her own energy maintenance. She couldn't keep taking on projects as if she didn't have anxiety. The energy debt was real, and demanded accountability.

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Follow-up text from "Jane" this afternoon.

Since then, Jane has been a bit more mindful of her energy debts. I got this text from her earlier today. She was probably sitting there debating about whether to throw someone a party or bake them a cake. Perhaps she was feeling anticipatory guilt. 

I'm glad this metaphor came into her mind and helped sway her in a more thrifty direction. She needs an era of severe energy thrift. Not forever.

Just for now.

Feeling good when the energy debts are paid.

Seeking: Neuroscientist Interested in Helping People

Answering Questions Via Email Can Make a Huge Difference!

I’m looking for a neuroscientist to speak to the “science” side of Beautiful Voyager, the meeting place of overthinkers.

Earlier today, I was desperately trying to find an article I had once read that talked to-do lists as dopamine tricks on the mind…and not in a good way. They make you believe you’ve actually taken action when you haven’t. That’s why, it argued, people are addicted to creating them.

I need an “Ask a Neuroscientist” to verify if this memory of mine is right. I’d also love to ask a follow-up question or two on behalf of the BV audience. (It’s insane how little there is on this topic when you Google it.)

Do you know a neuroscientist who might be a good candidate? Let me know via email or in response to this post!

Thank you, all of you brilliant talent scouts,

Meredith

Definition: Vulnerability Hangover

Liquids can't help with this one.

/vəl-n(ə-)rə-ˈbi-lə-tē ˈ/ haNGˌōvər /

noun: vulnerability hangover; plural noun: vulnerability hangovers

1. The rush of regret you feel after sharing your weakness with others: A couple months ago I first shared my story with friends and family and I had one of the worst vulnerability hangovers of my life.

2. The lingering awkwardness you feel after trying something new that revealed a hidden or surprising weakness: Put out a video post on Insta. Was strange seeing myself on cam. Experiencing a vulnerability hangover.

Try: Snowglobing Away Your Thoughts

Some of the great things that spilled out of the envelope when I first opened it.

Rainbow monocle.

Last week I received a mysterious package in the mail. In it were many fun anx-positive crafty treats including fake tattoos, scratch and sniff stickers, and a monocle that made everything look rainbow when you looked through it. 

I later found out that my friend Michelle had sent me the care package from The Heart and Hands Store on Etsy. Artist Janelle Silver creates adorable, positive messages to make people feel good. It's a nice gift idea for the right person.

One of Janelle's ideas struck me as a particularly good experiment:

Write down something you need to let go on a piece of paper. Then, in Janelle's words, "Get a bowl full of water and add coloring or glitter...make it a celebration. Record it on your phone if you want to watch it again later. "

Next you just cut the paper into tiny pieces and "snowglobe" them away.

Ta-da!

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!  

Why I Would Never Create a Donation Page

And what changed my mind.

For the past two years I’ve been working on a website to help people struggling with stress, anxiety, perfectionism and overthinking. In that time, many well-intentioned friends have suggested that I ask for donations to support my work. My response:

Why all the head shaking, you ask?

When it came to donations, my biggest fear was audience perception. (Shouldn’t be a surprise considering what I write about.) I didn’t like the idea of my site, which works to connect sensitive overthinkers with each other, being categorized as “just another non-profit.” I worried that it made it easier for people to write my work off since in our country, we take businesses more seriously than we do social work.

I was also very aware of the pressure it put on friends and family. I’m trying to change perceptions about mental health. I didn’t want to stress more people out.

I also wanted to make sure that the money I asked for served a purpose. Asking for donations before my site had proven its worth to readers and community members felt all wrong.

So what changed?

https://bevoya.com/donate

Earlier today, for the first time, I added a donate page to the Beautiful Voyager. Here’s why it finally felt like time:

• Today I launched the Beautiful Voyager Marketplace. In creating a business model that would help others build their own creative businesses while helping me support the Beautiful Voyager, I no longer felt vulnerable to the same potential criticism I had in the past.

• My vision is being validated by an audience. In the BV Slack group, nearly every day I see comments like, “I am so happy I found Beautiful Voyager. It has made a huge difference in how I see myself and the world.” These statements let me know that I am on the right path in what I’m creating.

• I can’t build my vision alone. It’s OK to ask others for help if you know that what you’re building is special. This no longer worries me.

• My brother told me I needed to do it, saying that he would donate if I put the donation form up. And he did, too! He was the first one. Sometimes you just have to listen to family.

Want to be a rockstar? Join in now.

Thank you for reading!

Big news! It's alive.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on a new, wild experiment. It’s not one I could have predicted. It began as I added up my site costs for bevoya.com. One thing become clear: I have to figure out a way to break even while working on this project.

"What concerns me is the preservation of life!" - Young Frankenstein

What I’ve come up with surprises even me. I’m not a big shopper. I get impatient and impetuous in stores, like a little kid.

Pass.

On top of my own feelings about shopping, I don’t think anyone needs to spend money to feel better or to learn to ride the wave of anxiety.

At the same time, I started to fall in love with my idea. I imagined a place where like-minded sellers could share their creations with readers looking for new approaches to stress, anxiety, and overthinking relief. The Beautiful Voyager Stress Relief Marketplace was born.

Here’s how it works: vendors set up their own shops on the site. They can manage and sell their own products. 10% of anything sold goes back to the Beautiful Voyager, where my financial goal is simple: I want to recoup my hosting costs.

As I started to build I’ve got more and more excited about the marketplace. It’s fun to discover people solving problems in creative ways (like Megan Wan, inventor of a new, cool-looking pillbox or William O. Pate II, creator of Keep San Antonio Sane).

Earlier today, I published my press release on Medium to help get the word out in advance of the June 1 launch. If you know anyone who might be interested in the marketplace (or who might want to blog or write about it), I urge you to forward them this email or a link to the press release. You are the trusted voice here. Your belief in the project is what matters in these early, newborn baby foal days.

Thank you, dear readers. I hope you enjoy the marketplace, and I hope you’re having a great Thursday.

Love, Meredith

Try: Counting Bees, Spot Elephants, Discover a Planet

I heard about this idea on my new favorite podcast, The Hilarious World of Depression. On this episode, he talks to someone helps herself get out of slumps by logging onto Zooniverse, joining in on crowd-sourced research for great scientific, literary, historical, and artistic causes. 

This is from Zooniverse's Serengeti Wildebeest Count Project

I loved what the interviewee said:

"Makes me feel like a part of the world, even when I'm lying in bed for a few days. They have great guides on how you contribute to the research, even down to how you spot different kinds of rumps on gazelles...It's easy to use and it makes me feel productive, like I'm helping someone do something," says the interviewee.

Be Helpful While Just Hanging Out

"Occasionally you'll be flipping through the slides as you're doing your categorizing work, and all of the sudden you'll get a photo of an African elephant. That always really excited me because I found them really beautiful. Once I was really stuck because I had just done a load of photos. It was all 'wildebeest standing,' 'wildebeest eating,' or 'zebra standing' and then all of the sudden I got this amazing photo of a pack of elephants with babies in the middle of them. It just made my whole day."

You can choose from any number of  projects on the Zooniverse site, following your own interests and curiosity. 

Do you think that helping out with environmental research in this easy, low-stress way might be a good experiment for you to try today?

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!