I Was Fired From 3 Startups in One Year

Photo taken in 2015, my year of sorrow and collapse

2015 was a rough year for me.

I didn't start it thinking I’d be repeatedly hurling myself against a wall, but that's what ended up happening. I banged myself into new shapes and watched parts fall out along the way. The whole time, I kept thinking, Silicon Valley embraces failure, right?

I heard these words a lot. It was repeated so often that it was a cliché. As I looked deeper, though, and I found that the people talking publicly and glowingly about failures were often company founders looking back from the comfort of success. I realized soon enough rejection was a much less popular topic.

Rejection, the dirty little not-so-secret.

But that's why I'm writing about rejection. It's something we will all face in our lives, and after losing three startup jobs in one year, I'm an expert. The overlooked topic now fits me like a strange, mismatched glove.

I never thought I'd have three different full-time, permanent jobs in one year. Losing those jobs was tough on me and my family in ways that make “failure is good” seem like the reductive homily on a greeting card I’d happily shred, and strongly affected my mental health. 

I want to share what I learned from rejection in 2015. It was a year that showed me startups at their best — what amazing potential for growth — and their worst, where employees are barely given a first chance to succeed, much less a second, due to the focus on the short-term.

When I began 2015, I'd been at large media companies for over a decade. I felt stale and ready to tackle a new set of problems.

Startup #1

If startups were people, Startup #1 was the cool kid with great design sense who promised you everything would be better. You know, the one who talks about his fixie and goes to the new bar before it officially opens. I was the oldest person at Startup #1 and by far the least cool, but I knew the SF food and media scene. Everyone was nice to me despite my slow adaptation to Slack giphy banter.

We were a small team — seven guys plus me in a co-working space in the Tenderloin District. We released our first app in October 2014. It was meant to be first in a series of apps, but January arrived and there were still no plans for app #2. More importantly, there was no second round of funding. My job, and the fate of the company, felt extremely tenuous. When I got the “you around?” on Slack first thing Monday morning, January 5th, I knew what was coming. I headed to Showdogs, a Tenderloin hot dog restaurant, braced to have an uncomfortable good-bye conversation with the two co-founders, who were facing the prospect of repeating the same awkward conversation over and over that day.

Startup #1 Takeaway

Just because the whole company was disappearing, it still felt personal. Despite knowing that it had nothing to do with me, for the next couple weeks I found myself listening to breakup songs and moping around the house.

Startup #2

Two months later, I joined Startup #2, which had everything going for it — an experienced team, a strong mission, and ample funding with good prospects for more. “Could be a great new relationship for me,” I thought. Startup #2 was a cool kid who had grown up and stashed his skateboard in the garage but still had lots of energy, with lots of ideas and the experience to make them happen.

This startup had some money and knew how to spend it. It would pay for meals, laundry, and even housecleaning so I’d have less to worry about (which of course means more ability to focus on work). Initially, our office was a small repurposed apartment in the Castro. It was so small that to have phone conversations without disturbing each other, we made muffled calls from the coat closet. But soon enough we moved to a nice big office down the street.

Startup #2 was promising, but as with most relationships, things got more complicated as time went on. Five months in, Startup #2 decided I wasn’t who it thought I was at the beginning, and I was let go on July 3 — not the kind of independence I was hoping to celebrate that week.

Startup #2 takeaway 

Startups grow quickly, and they change quickly. I still don’t exactly understand why it was that I was fired. But I did understand that when my boss said, “You don’t seem happy,” he was right. A week after I was fired, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder by a neurologist I went to for migraine treatment. It was an easy diagnosis for her, she said, because in her practice she sees many tech professionals (anxiety turns out to be a surprisingly common affliction in the tech industry, as well as in other high-risk, high-reward professions). Figuring out I was experiencing anxiety took me 39 years. The enormity of the discovery softened the blow of my professional rejection, though it still aches like an old war wound some nights.

Startup #3

I met Startup #3 in late September through a mutual friend. Small, deeply customer-focused, and (gasp!) profitable from the start, Startup #3 seemed like an anomaly in Silicon Valley (in a good way).

“This one really is different,” I said to myself.

Aunt Verna Mae in Kansas, literally.

I’d describe Startup #3 as self-made and down-to-earth. Startup #3 was (and is) genuinely committed to building tools that users need and want, even if the tools aren’t sexy. For example, Startup #3 cares about making your Aunt Verna Mae in Kansas feel comfortable, even though it’s her first time on this newfangled internet.

Our first month together was great — or so I thought. Then I got my very first feedback: a sheet of paper detailing misunderstandings and shortcomings. It took a few more weeks for Startup #3 to figure out that it didn’t quite know what it was looking for when it hired me, but now it did: someone with a few traits that I just don’t have.

Final Takeaway

The worst experience — being fired two weeks before Christmas and after only two and a half months on the job — led to the best takeaway (third time’s the charm!). I didn’t take it personally this time. It wasn’t a fit for either of us. Rather than carry the awkwardness of the moment, I took the opportunity to ask the founder detailed questions about my performance. Her answers helped me feel like I really understood the reasons behind the poor fit. That left me free of the nagging doubt I’d had after the prior two jobs, the constant speculation of “What if I had…” or “Why…?”, which can keep a person up at night.

What I Learned From These Startups

• Losing a job isn’t necessarily a failure, nor a cause for embarrassment.

• I learned a lot about the people around me by how they reacted to my rejection.

• I’m married to the right person; not everyone could handle what I’ve been through. At every step he’s given me perspective and made my experience better.

• The ability to depersonalize rejection — even when it is personal — is a super power I’ve been granted by my year of startups.

The risk of startups isn’t just whether they succeed or fail. Just as risky, for people working there, is that your value is dependent upon the whim of a very small group of people, and often just one. They hire quickly; they can tire quickly; they fire quickly. It may seem cruel, and sometimes it is, but there’s a coldly rational reason for it. Tech is a cutthroat industry where getting to market and getting funding is crucial. This puts a lot of stress on founders, who then may make rash decisions as a result.

Under pressure, some coal turns into diamonds, but a lot of it just turns to dust.

Does everyone who goes through this volatile world come out more resilient? We’ll know when the rejection of workers is seen as being as sexy as the failure of CEO’s.

If failure helps a person learn, then perhaps dealing with rejection helped me become braver.

I don’t relish my head’s recent intimacy with the wall. But I’m still intact. I’m less scared about work than I’ve ever been. I’m not even scared about having you read this, and having my name right next to the word REJECTION. Considering how banged up I am, that’s saying a lot.

Originally published Dec 28, 2015 // Last edited Jan 19, 2023

I Love This App: Loóna

An act of love: the making of a new Loóna dreamscape

As someone who works in both technology and mental health, I get emails about new apps. A lot of emails. Like 5-10 a week. For the most part, I scan through the press releases and just keep moving. “Nothing new here",” I often think to myself.

A few months ago, one of those emails caught my eye. Was it the mention of the 2021 Apple Design Award that did it? Yes, and…Loóna felt different from the get-go. Even though I was offered a free trial of the app, I actually paid my own hard, cold cash for Loóna. I can’t exactly even articulate why I did that, except to say that I felt the experience deserved to be paid for. It felt like art.

Loóna is a creative inspiring experience that feels connected to the tactile world.

At heart, Loóna is an immersive, 3-D storytelling experience that brings sound, color, light, and texture to life. My busy overthinky brain is drawn to experiences that feel both soothing and engaging, and weirdly, there isn’t too much that fits the bill (I play way too much TwoDots already). The way it works: You are brought into a “dreamscape” which you slowly bring to life by adding color and light with your clicks as you listen to a story unfold. The audio work is impeccable, as is the storytelling. Everything is thoughtful.

I was lucky enough to get to meet a couple of members of the Loóna team (originally based in Warsaw but also distributed) and confirmed my suspicions — this is an unusually dedicated group who spends hundreds of hours crafting each experience. I asked them if I could do a little profile on how they work. What follows is their answers to my questions about their process.

BEVOYA: Where do you find the inspiration for a new Loóna escape?

LOÓNA: Our escapes combine an interactive visual experience with a relaxing story, so the idea for a new escape can come from the artists as well as from the writers. All of us are inspired by different things—books, movies, video games, Pinterest boards, our personal experiences.

Once in a while the content team sits down for a brainstorming session where we present and discuss our ideas to draw up a shortlist. They can be nostalgic, like someone's favorite food truck, or something fantastical, like the throne room of the Fall Fairy. Everyone contributes to the shortlist with their expertise, so you could also say we inspire each other as we go.

The team hard at work in Warsaw

BEVOYA: How long does the whole process of making an escape take, start to finish?

LOÓNA: It can take anywhere from 4 to 8 months for the full cycle from the brainstorming session to a ready-for-release escape, complete with narration, visual effects, and original music. The time frame depends on the complexity of the task.

Bringing the sketches to life.

A good example here is "Shoot for the Moon", the escape inspired by Katherine Johnson, a famous American mathematician and the first black female engineer at NASA. To honor her life's story, careful research was required from our artists, sound designers, and writers alike.

Coming to life

This is where audio magic happens.

BEVOYA: Are some of the escapes more popular than others? Can you tell what traits make the popular ones?

LOÓNA: We know for a fact that every escape in our library is someone’s favorite. Each Loónarian—as our users like to call themselves—has a top 3 or top 5 of stories that resonate with them deeply for a specific reason.

At the same time, there are a few all-time hits that seem to work for everyone, such as "Heartwarming Brooklyn", "The Lily Harbour", and "Dreams we have as children". In our experience, the most popular stories are those that contain nostalgic settings, beautiful nature, fantasy elements, and, of course, cute and fluffy creatures!

BEVOYA: Have you thought about expanding the use case of escapes from sleep into other areas -- like emotional regulation for example?

LOÓNA: Certainly. That’s how the idea of Loóna Shorts came into play. These are 5-minute interactive sessions with narratives based on conceptual metaphor theory. Unlike full-length escapes, whose main goal is to distract the user from negative thoughts and help them fall asleep, Shorts gently encourage the user to face the issue and engage with it for a limited amount of time.
We have received a lot of feedback from Loónarians about the Shorts helping them with anxiety, low self-esteem, panic attacks, and yes, emotional regulation.

BEVOYA: What's the hardest stage of making the escape?

LOÓNA: I'd say the hardest part of the process is to decide which parts of the concept will make it into production and which parts we'll have to drop because of the technical limitations on user devices or the production schedule. When we brainstorm we let our imagination run wild, but at the end of the day, we want our product to be accessible and helpful to as many people as possible.

BEVOYA: Thank you for spending time with me and for making such a beautiful app, Loóna!

My Weighted Blankets

Husband and daughter holding up the 12 lb Baloo Weighted throw for size comparision

These are the four weighted blankets I actually own and use at my house. I’ve been using weighted blankets since 2016, and have learned that there are definitely different types for different needs. I wanted to show you the ones I’ve landed on for myself and my family, pointing out some of the differences between each and hard-won learnings I’ve had over the years. If you’re in the market for a weighted blanket, the things I would think about most are: What texture do I want against my skin? How hot do I tend to get when I sleep? And, Do I live with destructive creatures that might require me to get a more durable blanket?

#1: The 12-lb Baloo Weighted Throw

Costs $159.00 Size 42x72 inches

From their marketing materials: “Baloo offers the only 100% cotton weighted blanket on the market (zero plastic, polyester, or synthetic liners). What sets us apart is the high quality of our materials and our cool, premium cotton that can be used comfortably year-round in any climate. We offer duvet covers for additional protection of your blanket and have been called "The Best Weighted Blanket for Hot Sleepers,” endorsed by The Wirecutter, InStyle, Goop, & others. We want people to have this option available to them in hopes it will help them in those hard-to-deal-with moments.” This 12-lb throw is their bestseller. I really like the cool cotton feel of this one, though with our dogs you gotta be careful about the white color. White is a young person’s game. LOL.

#2 The 25-lb Layla Weighted Blanket

Costs $159.00 Size 80x87 inches

This is not my dog.

From the Layla website: “The top side of our weighted blanket is made of plush, soft, mink-like fur. The other side is 300 thread-count 100% cotton that provides a clean, soft, and easily washable surface.”

I bought the Layla weighted blanket because of the photo above on the left. I needed a blanket that would withstand the sharp claws of my nervous-but-darling Taiwanese mountain dog (a dog many people mistake for a coyote). Sleeping with my two dogs is one of my great treats in life, but it can be hard with a weighted blanket. In fact, the first weighted blanket I had would get torn without me knowing, and then plastic beads would mysteriously end up all of the bed. It took me too long to realize what was actually happening. For this reason I’ve gotten very strict about the type of weights that are in the blanket.

“The Layla Weighted Blanket has small glass beads sewn between two layers of poly-fill batting to keep the blanket quiet as a mouse. Hexagon quilting keeps the weight spread evenly across the entire blanket. Unlike many other weighted blankets, it’s completely washable.”

I can confirm that the plush side is incredible, and that my Yuka’s claws have never been able to rip or tear this blanket — and that is an accomplishment.

#3: The 20-lb Hush Iced Queen (First gen)

Costs $199.00 in 2019 Size Queen, 80x87 inches

This is one of my older blanket, back from 2019. According to the Hush marketing materials this is “This is the first ever cooling weighted blanket, and the only full sized and premium weighted blanket made from bamboo on the market. Others sell the inner only as bamboo, and some change the color of their polyester plush cover to blue and call it a cooling blanket, but it's the same materials as their winter blanket. We believe we truly created a special product here in the fabric and its properties.”

In the three years since I got this blanket, things may have changed, but I can tell you that I keep this blanket up in our little loft sleeping area which tends to be hot. The cooling bamboo works — this is the only blanket I would want up there.

#4: The 20-lb Brushed Microfiber

Costs $170.00 in 2018 Size Queen, 80x87 inches

Back in the early days of Beautiful Voyager I experimented with different ways to get the site to pay for itself, and one of those ways was a partnership with Therapeutic Weighted Blankets. The blankets sold like crazy! The woman behind the site, Lisa, who sews the blankets herself, offered me a free blanket (so nice!). I really loved this blanket. Even though it’s 20 lbs, for some reason it felt heavier than any of the other blankets.

I see that this site now has a variety of blankets — cooling, plush, etc. If you want to support a small family-owned business, this is a great one.

My daughter loved this blanket as much as I did.

8 Relatively Obvious Things to Try When Stressed

Photo by Jordan Elliott

Sorry if you’ve heard these all before….

Note from editor: I was randomly looking through my drafts and came across this. No idea when I wrote it. Thought I might as well hit publish in case any part of it is helpful to any reader. xoxox

1. Speak Openly

Anxiety and depression happen to the most extraordinary people. The more you start to talk about, the more you see how unalone you truly are.

2. Tune in

Anxiety alerts me when I am in misalignment — it’s a tell-tale sign that I should get out of my comfort zone. Instead of letting anxiety define me, I use it as a catalyst for growth.

3. Assign Meaning to Suffering

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl highlights those who survived the Holocaust were able to assign meaning to their suffering.

We think of ourselves as rational beings, but in reality human beings are driven by emotions. Through working on my anxiety I have been able to understand emotion and suffering on a much deeper level, which has allowed me to build deeper relationships and, ideally, help others who may be going through something similar. It has provided me with so much more fulfillment than anything else I have ever done.

4. Build Your Resilience

Spend some time each day working on your mental fitness. There has been loads of scientific research done on the benefits of mindfulness and meditation on the brain. It can help lower depression and anxiety, but it has also been shown to increase focus, creativity, and happiness.

Even if you have kicked the demons out of the house, they are in the parking lot lifting weights, waiting for you to open the door. This is why it’s vital to continue to work on developing mental resilience.

Here are some exercises I suggest:

• Meditate/Priming: Spend 5–30 minutes every morning “clearing the fog”

• Journal: Write whatever comes to mind

• Set reminders on your phone to go off several times a day that alert you to take 3 deep breathes

• Laugh or Play

• Keep track of your small “wins” throughout the day and week — I take screegngrabs of wins and put them in a folder on my desktop

• Take a long walk without music, podcasts, or a phone

• Block time for Innovation — Give yourself  a 1–2-hour block of time alone with a journal and no technology. I have gotten some of my best work insights from innovation blocks.

5. Untie Your Self-Worth From Work

Maintain an appropriate amount of responsibility for your work and realize that you cannot control everything that happens. There are forces that can tank a business that have nothing to do with you aptitude or ability. Take an inventory of what you can and cannot control.

6. Remember to Care for Your Body

It’s not always easy, when you start to beat yourself up about your body, try to thank it for all it does for you every day. Then care for it accordingly!

7. Play or Create Daily

Get yourself into a flow state.

Here is an excellent piece on how play and creation can decrease your anxiety and make you more productive.

8. Get Quality Sleep

Protect your sleep like nothing else. Nothing should affect your sleep schedule.

Put a reminder on your phone that will alert you to go to bed about an hour before you want to fall asleep. Then turn off your phone and start to wind down for the night. A consistent nightly routine will help tremendously.

Conor Sharkey on Rugby, Life, and OCD

As part of my job at Pinterest, I am lucky enough to co-lead a powerful community group called Pinside Out. Through this work, I am connected with amazing people around the world who are also interested in sharing their personal experiences around mental health. One of those fantastic people is Dublin-based Conor Sharkey. Conor, thank you so much for sharing your light with all of us. ❤️

BEVOYA: Conor, I am so excited that I got to meet you through our shared workplace of Pinterest. Can you tell me a little bit about how you landed there (I heard a rugby club was involved) and what you do now?

CONOR: Sure! I work as an Account Manager on the EMEA Sales Team in the Pinterest Dublin office, so I help new advertisers get up and running on the platform. I get to work with many and varied clients, as well as a ton of smart and suspiciously nice people! Before that I worked as the digital media manager for Leinster Rugby, a rugby club in Dublin that represents the province of Leinster in Ireland (the 12 county army!). I got to cut my teeth there and work across professional and amateur rugby - there were some amazing days I will honestly remember for the rest of my life.

BEVOYA: I'd love to know a little about your mental health journey. What are some of your earliest memories that you now realize are connected to mental health?

CONOR: I have a very vivid memory of walking home from Gaelic football training from a field at the back of my house and counting steps in multiples of five. One step equaled five because five toes on each foot. Makes sense, right? Counting, not stepping on cracks. Reach a certain number before I moved onto another part of the path. Looking back now I know that was a small, insidious part of my own brain developing the OCD I was eventually diagnosed with when I was 24. I haven't totally weaned myself off this. But I'm very aware of it and know how these small compulsions can snowball into something much worse.

BEVOYA: What are your biggest "mental health moments" — can you tell us about a couple of your own personal turning points?

CONOR: The turning point came for me shortly before my 24th birthday. I was out with some friends but I was annoyed with myself. Hating myself. Just consumed by horrible thoughts. How worthless I was. What a terrible person I was. I remember locking myself in a toilet cubicle and bursting into tears. I couldn't contain it. I went home and completely unloaded all of this emotion onto my parents and they were amazing. They just listened and wanted to help. I'm very lucky to have them. From there, we started to do something about it. I went to see my GP. He referred me to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with OCD. It was great to actually have someone tell you what the hell this was. So many things from my earlier years suddenly made sense. How I would be consumed by terrible, obsessive thoughts; I've died so many times in my head and given so many eulogies it's almost funny, I've imagined the people I care about most suffering horrible fates. These obsessive thoughts turned into a self-hatred. That self-hatred developed into a mental and physical self-harm I didn’t at the time consider self-harm. In hindsight, punching walls and hitting myself was not exactly healthy behaviour. But I was hiding all of this from people. It just got to the point where everything boiled over and I couldn't hide it from anyone else or myself.

I went on medication for 12 months after this and it was a game changer. I got better. I got a proper job. But really I just replaced my previous obsessive behaviours with a new one: work. This allowed the monster in my head to resurface and hide in plain sight. It was only years later when all of this boiled over again, and I was once again crying in my parents' arms, that I resolved to take a different approach. I reached out to a therapist and just spoke. She was amazing. We dug into everything. The awareness of this that I never fully developed grew. To be honest, I never properly accepted that I had a mental health problem. I saw a psychiatrist, took some drugs, and the problem was solved! But it wasn't. Not really. Now I fully appreciate what I'm dealing with. I never wanted to indulge in what I thought was tantamount to self pity. When really it was self preservation. That bad part of my brain trying to save itself while sacrificing me. No chance. I still have bad days, or bad weeks. My mood fluctuates. But knowing where that all comes from and tackling it head on - particularly with the help of my incredible wife - makes such a difference.

BEVOYA: What do you wish more people knew about OCD?

CONOR: That it's not a byword for 'liking things to be a certain way'. It's not a personality trait. OCD affects my daily life, it's never not there. It's not the same as liking to alphabetise a book shelf.

BEVOYA: When you share your own story, who are you hoping to reach?

CONOR: Anyone else that even remotely feels like I do. I used to hate seeing famous people speak publicly about their mental health issues. I thought it was all very convenient and great for their profile. It was only when I engaged my brain and realised that I had the same issues that I realised how much comfort I take in hearing about people similar to me. Nothing makes me feel better. I used to think everyone was like me to varying degrees. Then I realised that was very much not the case But then from hearing other people's stories, and talking more, you realise you're not completely alone in this. I also hope it reaches people who still stigmatise people with mental health problems - 'it's all a load of made up rubbish, get on with it!'. How nice it must be to be you! I think the discussion scares a lot of people. Irish people in particular are not great at talking about this stuff - hence alcohol being at the centre of almost everything we do. But that's steadily changing. We'll get there.

BEVOYA: You are amazing, Conor. Thank you!

Joshua Kemble on Creating Another World

A page from Jacob's Apartment by Joshua Kemble

Joshua Kemble, award-winning artist and author of Two Stories, revisits Beautiful Voyager to share the story of his latest graphic novel, a beautiful book about identity, purpose, creativity, and love.

BEVOYA: It's great to talk to you again Joshua! What's changed since last we talked?

Illustrated self-portrait by Joshua Kemble

JOSHUA: A lot has changed. Since my graphic novel about dealing with mental illness Two Stories: Book One was picked up for publication by Markosia, I've gone on to get a book deal for my first graphic novel about the questions that can shake even the strongest of faith Jacob's Apartment, which is releasing June 7th from Graphic Mundi, and am currently at work on the artwork for a collaborative historical fiction graphic novel about Elizabeth Barrett Browning written by my sister, Lavender Vroman, Not Death, But Love: The Strange, Supernatural Story of Elizabeth Barrett Browning to be released in 2024 from West Margin Press, as well as working on Two Stories: Book Two. So it's been a very busy, and exciting time, where a lot of publishing doors and opportunities have opened. And it's extremely busy.

BEVOYA: How has your mental health been lately? Your creativity?

JOSHUA: My mental health has been fairly balanced. One thing that's helped me with not overthinking is being swamped with so much work I've barely got time to think. Saying yes to opportunities as they arise has really helped put me in a situation where I have to move forward and be creative every day without second guessing or overthinking since there's just honestly no time to do so.

BEVOYA: Tell us about Jacob's Apartment. What led you to create this book?

JOSHUA: Jacob's Apartment is a coming-of-age graphic novel in the vein of Ghost World and Fun Home. At first glance, college roommates Jacob and Sarah seem like polar opposites. Jacob is a Christian; Sarah is an atheist. Sarah is a drinker, and Jacob, a teetotaler. But they have been friends for years, finding commonality in their shared dream to create art. Jacob’s world is turned upside down when his father dies, causing him to question his faith. Meanwhile, Sarah wrestles with her own demons, searching for solace in one-night stands after her boyfriend (and professor) leaves her for a job in New York.

I was inspired to create the book in response to the tumultuous time in my life where I had lost my father to cancer and was questioning my faith while simultaneously trying to start my career as an artist. It was a tumultuous time of life in which grief and young love became confused and often complicated. It seemed like a good area to mine for storytelling. I was also intrigued by the idea of using dreams both waking and sleeping as a theme that could weave in and out throughout the story.

A page from Jacob's Apartment by Joshua Kemble

BEVOYA: What are the steps you take to get a graphic novel published? Is that a hard journey at this point, or pretty straight forward?

JOSHUA: In most of the cases, I've had a completed graphic novel, with everything, including the artwork finished. Each book took about 5 years to complete, and I was fortunate enough to have a literary agent who advocated for my books to get published, helped edit, refine and build book proposals for the books. In the case of Jacob's Apartment, my editor at Graphic Mundi, Kendra, had some amazing editorial guidance that helped me to refine the story, and fix a few untied plot threads throughout it. With Not Death, But Love: The Strange, Supernatural Story of Elizabeth Barrett Browning, this was the first book proposal where we only had submitted sample pages and a script through my literary agent, and it got picked up, so it's a new, but exciting experience.

It's still a hard journey to get a graphic novel published, but less so than it was for the first, and now the bigger struggle is finding the time to produce the work, and to promote the books when they are out. My literary agent, Keely, was a game changer in that respect.

BEVOYA: What do you most want people to know about Jacob's Apartment? Why should they check it out?

JOSHUA: Jacob's Apartment weaves together the threads of spiritual faith, identity, purpose, love, and loss to create an engrossing world in which waking and sleeping dreams collide. I believe it will be an impactful, meaningful, and beautiful experience for readers, especially those who've lost a loved one at a young age.

Photo of Joshua Kemble at work

BEVOYA. Any final thoughts to share?

JOSHUA: I'm thankful for the opportunity to share with you a bit about Jacob's Apartmentand appreciate your openness and encouragement of open discussions on hard and often taboo topics, it's a giant interest of mine to write about such topics, and it's awesome there are others out there interested in similar themes.

BEVOYA: Thank YOU, Joshua, for creating another world for us all to connect with, escape to, and learn from.

The Emotional Fallout of Physical Sports Injuries

Photo by Harlie Raethel

An ACL rupture may seem like no big deal, but it can affect your sense of self in deep ways.

This Q&A features Dr. Keagen Hadley, a doctor of occupational therapy specializing in psychological treatments such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).

As an athlete, Keagen tore both ACLs playing college and semi-professional football. This experience made him acutely aware of the struggles associated psychologically post-ACL injury and how to overcome them with positive results.

Let’s explore the emotional fallout of physical injuries with someone who knows the experience intimately…

BEVOYA: Can you tell me about yourself? Where do you live? What are your credentials? What kinds of people do you work with?

KEAGEN: am a Doctor of Occupational Therapy (OTD, OTR/L) specializing in psychiatric conditions. Specifically, I am devoted to helping individuals recover psychologically and physically from joint injuries. This is mainly because I, as an athlete, tore both of my ACLs, requiring 4 surgeries. 

I'm currently residing in Bismarck, North Dakota, and I enjoy working out and pushing my body to the limit. Between my girlfriend, working out, and writing, that is all I do anymore, and I love it. My "day job" is as the associate director of medical writing at Supernus Pharmaceuticals. Essentially, I manage or write numerous deliverables for submission to regulatory agencies (like the FDA). While this may seem totally unrelated, I assure you it isn't. Supernus focuses solely on neurologic and psychiatric conditions like treatment-resistant depression, OCD, etc. 

BEVOYA: How do people tend to find you?

KEAGEN: People find me or what I am up to, generally, via word of mouth. I am supremely active on LinkedIn, which certainly helps. I have also started appearing on more and more podcasts with like-minded individuals to promote my upcoming book "Torn: Overcoming the Psychological Challenges Post-ACL Injury".  Lastly, my blog and website have recently been initiated and I post content multiple times a week relevant to mental health, joint health, workout technology, entrepreneurship, and personal development. 

BEVOYA: Can you walk us through the typical experience you have with new patients/clients?

KEAGEN: When I work with new patients, I like to start by getting to know them and their goals. My clients are generally struggling with how to function optimally and navigate the landscape of injured life. Many feel they have lost their self-esteem and self-identity because of the injury. 

My goal is to assist clients, using ACT, to cultivate the skills necessary to minimize the associated psychological effects on their physical rehabilitation and life.  For example, a common issue my clients have is verbalizing severely fused thoughts negatively affecting how they view themselves due to the injury.  Cognitive fusion is the thought process that "I am sad" or "I am broken", rather than being able to understand "I am having feelings of sadness" or "I feel as though I am broken". While this may seem like a small and trivial revelation, it is just one of many steps down the path to psychological flexibility. 

BEVOYA: Do you only work with ACL injuries? If not, what other injuries do you commonly see?

KEAGEN: I do mainly work with ACL injuries due to the nature and length of the rehabilitation process. The reason these injuries are so debilitating to people is the large amount of time that it takes to heal. When you see a huge, seemingly "manly" NFL player weeping after an ACL injury, I can all but assure you it is due to the loss of what they love, which is football, and not due to pain. They, like many athletes, are acutely aware of the magnitude of the injury they likely have endured and know they "may" never be the same, therefore losing the ability to self-identify as a player of sport x, y, or z. 

In the future, I plan to also work with the 30-70 age group as well to prevent the necessity of total knee surgeries. That is another passion that I have, and likely it will become another book. 

BEVOYA: What are some of the patterns you see with people with ACL injuries and identity struggles?

KEAGEN: There are a few identity struggles that commonly emerge in people who have suffered ACL injuries. First, many individuals tend to feel a great sense of loss or grief after sustaining an ACL injury. This is often compounded by the fact that they are no longer able to participate in activities that were once central to their identity. For example, a former athlete may feel like they have lost a part of themselves after being forced to give up their sport, even if this is just for rehabilitation. 

After suffering an ACL injury, many individuals have difficulty discovering a new sense of purpose. This can be especially hard on athletes who have dedicated their whole lives to their sport. They may feel as if they do not have a reason to train and stay in shape if they are unable to participate.

Finally, many people with ACL injuries also struggle with body image issues. The injury can cause deformity and swelling, which can lead to feelings of self-consciousness and dissatisfaction with one's appearance. Not only that but if they were already prone to body dysmorphic thoughts then this would be compounded by the inability to work out as rigorously as before.

BEVOYA: What advice do you give people who struggle to accept physical limitations and pain (asking for a friend LOL)?

KEAGEN: I would say that it is my personal belief that anyone, regardless of where they are starting, can make huge gains with targeted and joint-specific training. At 25 I would spend weeks during the spring and fall in severe pain due to my 4 surgeries. Now, a few months from 30, I can probably do more physically than I could prior to the surgeries. I attribute all my success to incremental and scalable exercises that ANYONE can start. BUT in the meantime, I would say from a psychological perspective, it is important to give yourself grace and understand that your body has likely gone through a lot. Even with the right program, it will take months or years to get where you want. The real secret is learning to love where you are in the process. 

The hardest part is finding the right process, and that is what I want to provide to my clients, both psychologically and physically. 

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When You Have it All and Still Feel Frazzled

Desiree arrived for her first session, impeccably dressed as if for a magazine spread. Tall and blonde, with a fierce scowl of impatience, she rapidly regaled me with her success story. She had created a business that had made her a multimillionaire before the age of 35. Her beach home had just been featured in a leading decorating magazine. She and her husband traveled and entertained extensively. They frequently appeared in the society pages of the local newspaper. Desiree had achieved everything she had hoped for, and yet she felt frazzled and unhappy.

“What is wrong with me? I have everything I ever wanted. I look at my best friend from college. She is so happy working for a non-profit agency. My other friend is a schoolteacher. They both seem so happy, and they make a fraction of what I make. I want to find something that makes me happy!” she said.

After ruling out health, relationship, and depression issues, I asked her, “What do you truly care about besides being happy and successful?” Desiree was stumped.

“How does your business, talent, and effort help other people?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I am constantly on my employees, so not sure how that helps them. My husband likes me,” she chuckled.

“So, your business provides jobs for people. Isn’t that helping them?” I asked.

“Well, I guess the job helps them support themselves,” she agreed. “Isn’t there something else I should be doing with my life that would make me happier?” she asked.

“It appears that achieving great success has not made you happy. Perhaps you will feel happier focusing on something else,” I said. I sent her home with an assignment. Instead of thinking about her own happiness, she was to examine precisely how her talents and efforts contributed to the greater good.

In the next session, Desiree shared her list of ways that her business and other activities helped others. “I had to ask my husband for help on this assignment,” she said. “I’m usually just focused on results.”

I asked her what it felt like to think of herself as connected in an essential way to others in the community.

“It feels better,” she said. “It makes me want to do more. I thought it might be fun to coordinate a charity fundraising gala this year.” she said. 

After a few more sessions, Desiree learned the secret to happiness and wellbeing. Kindness toward others provides far more happiness dividends than self-focused achievement. Simply thinking differently about our connection to the greater community can generate a sense of purpose and wellbeing.

Take a moment to think about how you currently influence others. How does your work intersect with the broader community around you? What kind of influence would you like to have on others? The following frazzle hack can help you explore your connection to the larger community around you. Take some time to think about your goals and record your answers in your frazzle hack journal:

Frazzle Hack: Greater Good Goals

• How do your unique personality traits, talents, skills, background, or interests contribute to your family, friends, and the larger community? (Humor, technical skills, friendliness, communication skills, creativity, reliability, sensitivity, health, safety, technical knowledge, etc.)

• How do you make a positive contribution to the lives of others? (Provide services, products, order, companionship, transportation, friendship, information, etc.)

• Who benefits the most from your contributions? (Customers, family, city, country, etc.)

• What kind of impact do you want to have on the people in your sphere of influence? (Better service, kindness, education, safety, entertainment, support, love, security, etc.)

• What one change would you like to help create in the world? (Happier customers, healthy children, better service, more efficient products/services, safety, healthy environment, help the poor, humane treatment of animals, etc.)

• Who could you join with to help you affect that change? (Church groups, friends, co-workers, environmental groups, philanthropic organizations, service clubs, community organizations, online communities, etc.)

• In what way can you develop or grow to make more of a positive difference? (Education, communication, coaching, reading, better self-care, get more rest, join with others, volunteer, etc.)

Notice how you feel when you think about yourself in the larger context of your family and community. Greater Good Goals can provide that spark of motivation to help you persist when things seem overwhelming.

Excerpted from Frazzlebrain: Break Free from Anxiety, Anger, and Stress Using Advanced Discoveries in Neuropsychology (c) 2022 Gina Simmon Schneider. Reprinted with permission from Central Recovery Press.