Big news! It's alive.

For the past few months, I’ve been working on a new, wild experiment. It’s not one I could have predicted. It began as I added up my site costs for bevoya.com. One thing become clear: I have to figure out a way to break even while working on this project.

"What concerns me is the preservation of life!" - Young Frankenstein

What I’ve come up with surprises even me. I’m not a big shopper. I get impatient and impetuous in stores, like a little kid.

Pass.

On top of my own feelings about shopping, I don’t think anyone needs to spend money to feel better or to learn to ride the wave of anxiety.

At the same time, I started to fall in love with my idea. I imagined a place where like-minded sellers could share their creations with readers looking for new approaches to stress, anxiety, and overthinking relief. The Beautiful Voyager Stress Relief Marketplace was born.

Here’s how it works: vendors set up their own shops on the site. They can manage and sell their own products. 10% of anything sold goes back to the Beautiful Voyager, where my financial goal is simple: I want to recoup my hosting costs.

As I started to build I’ve got more and more excited about the marketplace. It’s fun to discover people solving problems in creative ways (like Megan Wan, inventor of a new, cool-looking pillbox or William O. Pate II, creator of Keep San Antonio Sane).

Earlier today, I published my press release on Medium to help get the word out in advance of the June 1 launch. If you know anyone who might be interested in the marketplace (or who might want to blog or write about it), I urge you to forward them this email or a link to the press release. You are the trusted voice here. Your belief in the project is what matters in these early, newborn baby foal days.

Thank you, dear readers. I hope you enjoy the marketplace, and I hope you’re having a great Thursday.

Love, Meredith

Try: Counting Bees, Spot Elephants, Discover a Planet

I heard about this idea on my new favorite podcast, The Hilarious World of Depression. On this episode, he talks to someone helps herself get out of slumps by logging onto Zooniverse, joining in on crowd-sourced research for great scientific, literary, historical, and artistic causes. 

This is from Zooniverse's Serengeti Wildebeest Count Project

I loved what the interviewee said:

"Makes me feel like a part of the world, even when I'm lying in bed for a few days. They have great guides on how you contribute to the research, even down to how you spot different kinds of rumps on gazelles...It's easy to use and it makes me feel productive, like I'm helping someone do something," says the interviewee.

Be Helpful While Just Hanging Out

"Occasionally you'll be flipping through the slides as you're doing your categorizing work, and all of the sudden you'll get a photo of an African elephant. That always really excited me because I found them really beautiful. Once I was really stuck because I had just done a load of photos. It was all 'wildebeest standing,' 'wildebeest eating,' or 'zebra standing' and then all of the sudden I got this amazing photo of a pack of elephants with babies in the middle of them. It just made my whole day."

You can choose from any number of  projects on the Zooniverse site, following your own interests and curiosity. 

Do you think that helping out with environmental research in this easy, low-stress way might be a good experiment for you to try today?

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!  

Try to: Keep a People Boundaries List

The past two days have been trying days for me negotiating my friendships. Or I thought they were friendships. (It's no longer clear one way or the other.)

Regardless, I've had to figure out how to deal with these relationships. Particularly the sadness, abandonment, and rejection. 

So, I fired up Evernote (you can use whatever app you prefer, obviously!) and put down a heading, Decisions about Boundaries. Let's call it the Boundaries List. 

Then, I wrote down some subheadings -  Focus on, Beware, Be Cautious, Acquaintances, Non-Starters,  One-way Streets, and Let Sleeping Moments Lie.  Under each one, I put in as many as names as possible, including the two people from the last two days' roadtrip through Disappointmentia.

• Focus On - Budding friendships or relationships that I am going to focus on, rather than wallowing over all the ones that went belly up. Funny how all the sad memories come clamoring against barricades when one friendship hits a bad note.

• Beware - stay away from these people or treat them like a pair of dead socks. Distance.

• Be Cautious - they didn't intend to hurt you. You just got pushed down the pyramid of priorities. Your expectations are high these ones because they're probably great people who bring beauty to your friendships. But they dip into life like submarines.

• Acquaintances - this could be the hardest group to do, too. This is where you should put people like mine, or those who have long made you question who you are to them. There will be pain. But seeing their names here will help let go.

• Non-starters - you tried to strike up a conversation or shoot for a coffee, but ended up with a bag of nothing. Oh well.

• One-way Streets - There may be some overlaps here with previous groups, but this one should really be for repeat-offenders.

• Let Sleeping Moments Lie - I feel like this is the artsy sister of Be Cautious, that sister who has wanderlust and seems too busy notice that you've let her crawl into your heart. Sometimes, like flings or affairs, it was just a moment between two friends. And now that moment must sleep. Let it sleep.

At first, I had Focus On at the bottom of the list, but I found that that made me focus on the negative. So, top of the list, it went! And what a difference. I get to mourn what was lost but set my sights on the new friendships that may perhaps be those ones that will outlive all the rest.

Try this experiment and let us know how it went on Slack! It's wondy. 

Mina Demian lives in Stockholm, Sweden where he Writes, Codes, and Plays Music. He also Invents Amazing Words in the Beautiful Voyager Slack Group.

What is Mindfulness? A 7-Year-Old Breaks It Down.

If you didn't totally understand it in the past, you might this time. 

Mindfulness is fun.

It is paying attention to the minute. Be aware of your feelings because if you are mad or sad you could act like hitting or yelling at he or she but if you take it

the drawing shows the problem--moments when you want to act out.

slow you will feel better. Just tell he or she or say please stop. A good way to do it is sitting down in a quiet spot and listen to what is around you.

Or other people want to act out.

Riddle. Mind full or mindful?

Note: the girl is thinking only of the moment, right there, walking the dog. The dog is also mindful, and only thinking of being walked.

But mindfulness is not just sitting. You could be mindful walking, eating, breathing, reading, or even playing! All you have to do to be mindful is pay attention to the minute.

Instructions. Pick from 1.

Find chocolate chips. Put them one at a time in your mouth. Let them melt in your mouth before you swallow.

Instructions.

Put glitter in a jar. Shake it up.

Pretend your mind is the glitter.

When it is crazy your mind is crazy.

Collect them all!

Books by Alice

All About Pets. All About Spatula Fights. All About Birds. All About Dogs and Cats. All About Ninjas. How to Make Friends.

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About the Author

Alice Arthur lives with her mom and dad in San Francisco, California. She loves to rock climb, dress up in costumes, and make funny faces.

Try: Bringing Color Into Your Life

Last week, we saw housepainters priming the house out our back window. We were filled with curiosity (especially me, a curious cat for neighborhood haps). What color would they go with? Would it be "startup grey", the most common color of the San Francisco neighborhood where we live? 

Aha! A sparkling, snappy blue!

From early morning tea to evening dinner, getting to look out the window at the new bright blue house has genuinely brightened our lives. It seems so simple, but makes a difference in our lives. Just a color change! 

Here's another example. Check out this house. It's just a short walk from where we live:

I can't love it more.

There's something about the brightness that suggest strength, optimism and positivity. 

We may not all be ready to paint our houses ala Caribbean dream (though I wish we would), but bringing color into your daily life -- in the form of painting a room, or just painting a piece of furniture -- can melt a little stress and help pump up the good vibes. Finding and enjoying those positive feelings is what helps us ride the wave. 

A truly incredible row of houses in the Dominican Republic.

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try! 

Migraines, Anxiety, and Magnesium

Have you been given advice about taking magnesium for stress, anxiety, or migraines, but not sure what to take? Read a story in Teen Vogue about the best foods to eat to get more magnesium, and wondering what it's all about? Curious about what others are experiencing when it comes to magnesium? I wanted to share my story in the hopes of helping others figure out their own confusing magnesium needs.

Magnesium-rich almonds and spinach.

My own path with magnesium supplements was fills with stops and starts. I first started experimenting with it back in June of 2014 when my UCSF neurologist gave me the advice:

Get Magnesium Ox 400 mg from Walgreen’s. Take 800mg. Take 1 at night to begin, then graduate to 2 at night after dinner, around an hour before bed. 

(I kept a Google doc of exactly what she said in an effort to make sure I was tracking and keeping straight everything that was happening at that time.)

Because I'm a perfectionist and rule-follower, I did exactly as she said. I bought Magnesium Oxide and slowly built up to 800 mg.

What I didn't realize at the time is that Magnesium Oxide has some pretty nasty side effects.

I confirmed on Reddit (as you do) that I was not alone in the side effects I was experiencing:

I was in the trial-and-error phase of magnesium. It wasn't pretty. From my pathetic notes of that era:

Magnesium Oxide could be to blame for the diarrhea problem. Have switched to Magnesium Glycinate and will see how that goes. Diarrhea caused enormous hemorrhoid so I now need to do more epsom salt soaks (which also, ironically, means more magnesium).

Bottom line (pardon the pun): If you've had a baby within the past few years, be cautious with your testing, as the ill-effects (as you see above) can last weeks!

A friend of mine was in a similar, not nearly as bad boat. I asked what she was taking and she said:  

"I take 240 mg a day of Magnesium Glycinate. But for one week before my period and a couple of days into it I take 480 mg a day. I'm taking the Pure Encapsulations gel caps just before bed, and it doesn't seem to give me any problems."

Here are some more first-hand experiences from fellow headache sufferers.

The biggest side effects that most people seem to suffer are: digestive issues like an upset stomach or diarrhea, fatigue, sleepiness. Psychology Today once called magnesium supplements "the chill pill," so it's a good idea to take your magnesium at bed. I take my mine at night because it does have a soporific effect. 

 I take 400 mg of chelated magnesium every day in addition to the magnesium I get from eating foods like almonds and spinach. 

But it also has a positive effect on both my migraines and my anxiety. I would recommend magnesium to anyone who is up for trying new approaches to feeling better.  

Good luck! I'd love to hear what works for you. Share below in comments.

Try to: Let Your Phone Die And Roam With A New Friend

My friend Nell posted this one on Facebook earlier today:

Great idea: Let your phone die for hours and walk around the city with a new friend like you're in your twenties. #bliss

This struck me as a truly great idea. I've had a couple of accidental phone-free walks with new friends recently. They helped me see my surroundings with fresh eyes. Could be the same for you, if you decide to give this experiment a go.

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try! 

The Epidemic of Perfectionism in Silicon Valley

Searching for answers in a world overrun by perfectionism.

In 2015, my life looked textbook-charmed. I’d lived in San Francisco for 12 years — long enough to understand its ups and downs — and worked in tech nearly as long. I had a thoughtful, handsome husband and a wise, funny, five-year-old daughter.

But this is what my life felt like:

Almost daily migraines, crippling neck and shoulder pain, and a nauseated stomach that sometimes forced me off the bus to keep me from fainting.

I’d long ago given up on finding a cause for these pains, so I went to my annual neurologist appointment ready for my regular dose of confused irresolution. Instead, shockingly, she diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, and my life changed on the spot.

An Elusive Epidemic

Generalized anxiety is an umbrella term, meaning that there are lots of different types of people to be found under there when it rains. 

The statistics shared on ADAA suggest that 6.8 million Americans, or a little over 3% of the population, has generalized anxiety disorder. (I think that’s massively understated, incidentally).

Another skepticism (settle in, cause I’m full of them) has to do with just what GAD is. “Excessive worry,” as the disorder’s most common descriptor, was problematic for me, because for 39 years, I didn’t consider myself a worrier.

I was an overthinker with migraines.

And since I never used the words or mindset that the health industry used, I found very few examples that rang true when I searched for more information about generalized anxiety. In person and online, though, I met tons of people who were, in fact, just like me: men and women experiencing physical pain resulting from perfectionism, fear of failure, and overthinking.

The disconnect between how people talk about anxiety and what anxiety actually feels like is the engine that drives me to write about this phenomenon. Thanks to my diagnosis, what was once invisible now has shape, and I understand the world around me differently.

I hear the hum of the ambient complaints in a new way.

Was My Experience Unusual? 

A few months after going on anti-anxiety medication, I went back to my neurologist at UCSF and explained that my once-daily headaches were now down to one per month. I was grateful. I was also curious to know if my experience was unusual. From what I could tell, it seemed surprisingly common.

But—cue the overthinking—maybe I was overestimating it. Like every good student of anxiety, I had memorized my list of cognitive biases. Was I overgeneralizing? Was my sense that people around me were experiencing physical pain as a result of perfectionism simply projecting my problem onto others?

Was I hearing only what fit my story?

An illustrated guide to cognitive biases, as seen in Business Insider.

My neurologist listened to my concerns and then replied, “This problem — the problem of perfectionism and anxiety — is getting bigger and bigger every day.”

She described seeing an average of three people a day suffering from some form of chronic physical pain who had one thing in common: perfectionism.

“It’s extremely common in the tech industry,” she said. “These people are very successful. They want to do everything right.”

She then said something that stayed with me. It’s a statement so clear, so unwavering, that I knew I needed to reckon with it (and still do): “One of the groups that has the hardest time seeing GAD in themselves is psychiatrists and psychologists.”

Where We Came From

In the past, if you had a physical problem, you’d visit a doctor.

If you were having a mental problem, you’d visit an office like this:

Treating symptoms meant sitting in a room with an expert, looking for answers together.

If your physical symptoms spring from your intense pursuit of perfectionism, however, this method is problematic. You can visit doctors of all stripes, and they won’t find anything physically wrong with you. Therapists may enjoy your confessional insights and wit as much as you enjoy sharing them—but they won’t help you when your back gives out again.

It's Up to You to Connect the Dots

Anxiety, though chemically and genetically influenced, is, at its most fundamental, a system of messages the body is trying to send the mind. It’s similar to an allergic reaction where the body overreacts to stimuli. In this case, the fear of losing control causes an adrenalin and cortisol rush in the body. Our minds work to avoid negative feelings (or the stimuli that caused it). Yet the effort of avoidance ends up creating more fear—and more overreaction. Doctors have long seen a connection between the physical pain that people feel and the emotions they are repressing.

For perfectionists, the mind is trying to tell itself the truth: “I can’t live up to my own expectations.” But inherent in the perfectionist problem is an inability to accept this reality. The mind deflects the message of impossible expectations and literally pushes it into the body.

My neighbor is an example of this. Let’s call him Shane. Shane is an artist and teacher who spends a lot of time worried about what other people think about him. His standards for work are extremely high.

He also has a lot of neck and back pain, sudden bouts of sweating, and dizziness. He takes 3–4 ibuprofen a night for “sore muscles.” He needs a whiskey to help him fall asleep.

He knows that he has anxiety, but hasn’t yet figured out how to listen to what his body is telling him, or how to address the pain.

When I learned about my generalized anxiety disorder, I started with the treatment path of medication (Lexapro, 10 mg every day), meditation (Headspace, 20 min every day), and communication (writing, talking, all the ways). Treating perfectionism meant I’ve been forced to stop comparing myself to other people, especially on social media. I’ve had to learn how to turn up the volume on my own voice of confidence and creativity. I did this by creating a project that looks at perfectionism from a bird’s eye view.

Helping Perfectionists Learn From Each Other

For over a year and a half, I’ve been working to create a place for perfectionists to meet and learn stress relieving techniques from each other. It’s called The Beautiful Voyager. 

My goal with the site was to create a space where it was OK to be imperfect. I threw my real, far-from-perfect self, out into the world for everyone to see, hoping that other people like me might find comfort and common cause in my struggle. It’s like training wheels for social interactions. As confidence builds, pain subsides.

The Only Map is Buried Deep

I used to think, "There's no map to understanding anxiety." But that's not true. There is a map. It's just that each person's is unique and buried deep inside of them. It takes a long time to navigate your own internal terrain. I created this site because it helps to have other navigators around during the map-hunting process.

If you or someone you love is experiencing symptoms like those on this list from my neurologist, take a closer look at how anxiety isn’t always what it seems.

• migraines
• dizziness
• nausea
• back pain
• neck pain
• tingling
• chest pressure
• palpitations
• light-headedness

This is one epidemic we can do something about, but we have to work together. So as you go out into the world, or deep into the world within, in search of the map you need, know that you’re not alone.

I’ll meet you there.

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Originally published on Heleo on October 6, 2016. Republished and updated on Bevoya.com on May 2, 2017.