Try: Giving Your Inner Critic a Cookie

I was telling the brilliant minds of the Beautiful Voyager Slack group about how I stumble over certain kinds of small talk. One of members' great suggestions is this experiment. I'm going to try it when I feel the same thing come up the next time in small talk.

The Triggering Situation

You are asked a question, and for whatever reason it has you second-guessing yourself. Example:

RANDOM PERSON: "Hey, how's that new guitar-playing hobby going? Are you sticking with it?"

YOU (internally): Uh-oh. I'm not sure how to answer this. I haven't been practicing as much. I mean, I do still like the guitar but...

YOU (externally): "Yeah, mumble, good, mumble."

Enter the Cookie

This is where the experiment begins.

That first moment of internal angst? That's your critic talking to you. This is the moment you shove a cookie in the critic's mouth.

Here's how you do it.

RANDOM PERSON: "Hey, how's that new guitar-playing hobby going? Are you sticking with it?"

YOU (internally): Oh, hey critic. Yeah, I know we're still figuring out the whole guitar thing. Thank you for trying to help out and make me feel better, but I don't need you to protect me. Here you go. Please eat this cookie and sit down, critic. We'll talk later."

YOU (externally): "I love the guitar! Could always be practicing more."

My Slack group friend broke it down this way by saying that to deal with the critic, we need to:

• acknowledge the good the critic brings

• how does that make you feel

• what do you NEED

• make a critic request (The request can be...I need you to eat your cookie now, and we can talk later).

I'm gonna give this one a try and report back. You should too!

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!

How Anxiety Feels as a Teenager in India

The Manisha/Shahpura lake of Bhopal. Photo credit: Pratigya 

Dear Anxiety,

If I could say three words to you, I would undoubtedly say 'please stop'. You silently laugh that I can't count but honestly I'm too tired to give a second thought to something that's been on my mind for far too long now. I've been meaning to say this for quite sometime, or maybe since the day we started and I was scared to say this until now, but I don't think this is working out.

Pratigya

I think we need to part so you might as well find another host to feed upon. You seemed nice in the beginning; you taught me things that I could not have managed learning on my own, but now I want to do this alone. And oh yeah, I do have to appreciate how you pointed out to me that enjoying one's own company is good for a change; but I see through you, you wanted to keep me all to yourself, didn't you? Funny how not too long ago I used to laugh at girls who could not see that they were clearly being used, and now life has come a full circle and I silently curse myself to have been so blind to see that ours was never a fair truce.

The Manisha/Shahpura lake, here in Bhopal. Photo credit: Pratigya 

So please, dear anxiety, just stop. Stop messing with my head so much. Stop interfering in matters that have no need for you. Stop sneaking up on me on random days and whispering 'hello'. Stop dragging me down into lanes where you and your friends hang out. Stop using me like your personal ruse.

You've done more than enough, so much so that I have forgotten where the line used to be. You've succeeded in your plan and thrown me off my feet. You've pushed me into alleyways that I don't recognize. You've turned me into a being that's more of a monster and less of a human. Like a skilled puppeteer you've fooled me into destroying myself such that I'm the only one left who can be blamed and chastised.
So, tonight, not for the first time but surely for the last I order you to leave because I've finally come to accept a long known fact, that it's you and not me.

(Not) Yours (anymore),

T.Q.M.

Pratigya is a 19-year-old undergrad commerce student in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh in India. She originally published this post on Medium.

This is where Pratigya lives.

Try: Spritzing!

Everyone loves a spritz.

About a year ago, a friend gave me a fancy makeup gift that included this great "mist" that prepares fancy people's skin for fancy makeup. Since I am neither fancy nor a makeup person (unless forced, like a little boy in a Sunday suit), I ended using the mist more than everything else. I realized the cooling feeling of water on my skin along with the gentle smells would distract and change my thinking. It's almost like a mental Pavlovian trick. You don't need to buy this mist to get it to work. I bet even rosewater in a little spray bottle would work. 

This is where you can find mine, but others work just as well, I'm sure.

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!

Try to: Hang Out With a Kid

Another experiment that worked for writer Madeleine Connolly. Her post on her improved mental health caught my attention. Here's what she says:

I work with kids, and I love it. I laugh every single day — probably ten times at least. Everyday is different, and everyday I learn new things from them. I practice compassion with them, and I get to witness the returns of that.

One of the best returns? Kids make you talk to them. You’re pretty much forced out of introversion when you work with kids, because you have to hold conversations about literally anything and everything. And their confidence can rub off on you too. I used to find talking with other adults who were confident to be difficult — it often used to make me feel even more introverted. But I found that’s not the same with kids, they’re just happy to be themselves, and for some reason it’s infectious.

I can’t explain it — but it’s a goddamned beautiful mystery that kids being themselves can help me to be myself.

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!

Welcome to the Club, Prince Harry

Way to jump in, fellow voyager.

“I’ve spent most of my life saying I’m fine.”

A few days ago, Prince Harry appeared on the first episode of a new mental health podcast in the UK. You can listen to the full 27 minute interview here. Note that the angle of the coverage is, predictably, taking the “good for him” angle.

When I hear Harry’s voice in the interview, this is how I feel, though:

It’s a little scary at first, but then it’s fun. And the water feels great.

When Harry has the courage to say he’s feeling nervous, I want to hold back the overly-eager interviewer from talking over him. Especially when she shouts at him, “There’s nothing to be nervous about!”

I feel protective.

Harry is stepping into a new role as a spokesperson. He’s also about to roll right into a vulnerability hangover. Anyone who has written or talked about their own mental health won’t be needing to click on that link.

I may also be wanting to share some of the protective power that I’ve slowly (excruciatingly) built up in the past few years talking to others about my own mental health. I want Prince Harry to know protective power will be his too. It’s built and shaped, just like a muscle.

You too, dear friend. I want you to know it too. Come on in, the water’s waiting.

Try to: Incorporate Incidental Walking

This experiment comes from Madeleine Connolly. She writes for the BV Medium publication. This is taken from a piece she wrote where she describes suddenly realizing she's feeling better, and why. (Editor's Note: Anytime someone writes about something that works, I sit up and pay attention.)

I try to walk at least 20 minutes every day. Often it’s kind of incidental walking: walking home from work for 30 minutes instead of getting the bus, that kind of thing. That’s all I do.

I think it works.

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart (no login required) to let others know they should give it a try!

Try: Creating a Bullet Journal

I learned about bullet journals from the good people of the Beautiful Voyager Slack channel. I am looking forward to trying this experiment out myself, and can see why the people who have written about this are so obsessed. The best description of how bullet journals work is definitely this in-depth, fully-illustrated Buzzfeed post. 

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart to let others know they should give it a try!

Try: Cooking One Day of Healthy Meals

Breakfast

1. A fast, dairy-free, high fiber Coconut Chia Seed Pudding by Din's Emily Olson LaFave

2. Put 2 tablespoons of chia seeds into a jar with a sealable lid.

3. Add 1/2 can of coconut milk (7 oz) and shake well.

4. Wait 20-30 minutes for the seeds to expand.

5. Top with nuts, seeds, fruits and serve.

Lunch

Farro + Kale Salad by A Beautiful Mess's Emma Chapman

1. Boil 2 cups farro in 4 cups of salted water for 20 minutes.

2. Drain, rinse in cold water, and set aside.

3. Chop leaves of kale into small pieces and massage with olive oil to soften.

4. Chop a cucumber into very small pieces.

5. Combine farro, kale, and cucumber with some sunflower seeds and cranberries in large bowl. Coat with some olive oil.

6. Make dressing by combining 3 tbsp balsamic vinegar and 1 tbsp honey.

7. Dress salad and season with salt as needed. Makes 6 servings.

Dinner

We roast a lot of chickens in our house. That sounded violent. Let me say it another way. Perhaps a nice roasted chicken with a side of veggies for dinner?

We do this often because it's actually really easy. It makes the house smell great, and you get really useful leftovers. 

My approach, in sentence form: Put fennel, multi-colored carrots, broccoli, or other root vegetables under a dry chicken in a baking dish. Bake at 475 for around an hour. The veg act as a rack as well as making the whole thing a one-pan dish. 

If you're more comfortable with a step-by-step, go with the Molly Ringwald chicken I linked to above, or Gabi Moskowitz's 3rd date chicken. Both will treat you right.

If this experiment works for you, hit the heart to let others know they should give it a try!