The Winging It Spotlight on TWIGG How-To

I'm a big fan of the TWIGG How-to mission: "creating a damsel-free world, one article at a time." The women behind this project reached out and asked if they could reproduce my first piece on GAD, as well as run a short interview. I was honored that they wanted to feature me in their spotlight series. I wrote the piece in order to reach women in their 20s who have anxiety and don't realize it (as I didn't).  Here's the first pull quote they chose to illustrate. It really sums up everything I hoped to do there, and still feel is important here.

Khan Academy's take on Generalized Anxiety Disorder

If you have a 6 minutes to spare and you haven't run out of your data plan for the month yet (the way I have), take a look at the Khan Academy Generalized Anxiety video on your way to work in tomorrow's Lyft. The bad news is since you're already reading this, you already know that you or someone you love has GAD. You also already know, for the most part, everything you are going to see in the video.

This makes me wonder: Who is the video for, exactly?

• It's not for people who have GAD and are diagnosed. We don't talk about it the way that Matthew Twohig does, in that "list of worry behaviors" manner. We don't like to think about our worry too much cause it stresses us out.

• It's not for people who have GAD and are undiagnosed. They wouldn't recognize themselves in it. If I had seen it 6 months before I was diagnosed, I would have neatly pushed away a video like this. It doesn't speak to me for all of the reasons I laid out in my initial FAQ article.

This makes me think it's for people who don't have GAD. But who would be googling GAD that doesn't have GAD? It's an odd audience, isn't it? Is it some sort of casual bystanders of GAD?

This is the problem I have with 90% of the writing about GAD online.

It comes from medical professionals, but it's totally disconnected from the experience of GAD itself. It means well, but it just doesn't work. They can speak in a breezy tone, like they do in the Khan Academy video, but until they start to fundamentally change their appraoch, and think about who they are really speaking to, they are going to miss the mark.

My advice is to start from a blank sheet. Talk to your users. Interview us with an open mind. We are overthinkers who experience physical symptoms. We often avoid treatment or medication until we desperately need it. We try to figure everything out and we Google like crazy. We are achievers. Get to know us, medical professionals. See the world from our eyes, and start from there.

Talk to some product managers if you need some lessons in how to do this. I happen to know how to reach a few if you need help in figuring out where to start...

"Our Tastes Define Us."

I'm a big fan of the writer whose voice you hear in this video, Helen Rosner. Helen writes about wide-ranging topics with sensitivity, awareness, and insight. I think she's one of the best food writers out there. In the wake of Robin Williams' suicide she wrote about depression's slack black hole in the middle of her life. I found myself recognizing little details in a way that don't usually hit me in other personal essays on the topic.

Helen's point, and it's a good one, also happens to be a classic GAD trigger. When people ask for restaurant recommendations, she says, they're usually trying to be seen in a certain way for a certain need. Nothing's simple about that simple question. We're motivated by our own desires to control how we're perceived. So when Helen's podcast co-host, Greg Morabito, says, in what sounded to me like an offhanded, matter-of-fact voice, "Our tastes define us," I wonder if he has idea what kind of reverb that statement has for an anxious person.

GAD complicates everything, but for me, this thicket is one of the thorniest. The idea that others are judging me based on external components like what I wear or where I choose to eat throws me into an avoidance spiral. For those of you who've known me in the professional context, you might find that interesting or even contradictory. But the truth is that I always want to be liked, and I definitely want to get "it" right—whatever it might be. If a person is defined by their tastes, they will necessarily alienate others who are defined by differing or contradictory tastes. GAD wants me to commit without committing.

Thinking about it a bit more, the fact that I worked on a food site for so long actually makes a lot of sense. I'm both drawn to choosing the "right" thing while trying to avoid any judgements from the outside world. I just want it both ways. The shield of brand-taste helps take the pressure off the individual. (Apple's made millions off this very idea.) Ultimately, though, you're stuck with yourself. If you've spent so much time avoiding and pleasing, how do you figure out what your true tastes are? And without that, do you lack definition? 

Oh GAD, what a tangled web you weave. 

Creative Early Adopters: Best Friends of Anxious People

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(I had to include a photo cause she's adorable. Sorry Gabi.)

I was given early access to the List App by my friend and hero Gabi Moskowitz. What makes Gabi a hero? From my perspective, it's that she's a creative early adopter. She's someone who supports projects like this before everyone else jumps aboard.

Creative early adopters are crucially important to people with GAD. Our sensitivity is profound. It inhibits us in many ways, but it can also make us attuned to ideas and trends. If we had less fear about consequences, we would be able to accomplish more. We'd speak up and start to evolve our seedling ideas without killing them for fear of exposure. The vocal support of others turns our sensitivity into a strength.

It's easy to join the party when everyone else has arrived. But showing up when the dj's just starting to find her rhythm, the drinks are starting to flow, and everyone's still a little weird is a true art.

I realized that List App was the perfect place to house a collaborative GAD reading list. Without further ado...

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Tap to see the full list of books on my list, and some that others are sharing. Download the app to share your own. We'd love to have you.

To see Gabi's life, Hollywood-style, check out the ABC Family show Young and Hungry. 

Advice and Tips from Readers

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I got so many thoughtful responses to the piece I wrote that I wanted to share them in one place as a resource for others with GAD. They are filled with great advice and support for us all. They shouldn’t just be lost in scraps on my FB wall, in a Slack channel, and on discussion boards.

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Taken from List App

I’m using no names, just quotes. I think it’s interesting there are so many thoughts on this topic, but so little of it happened here on Medium. I think it speaks to the profoundly intimate nature of this topic. We still have far to come as a community and society with being comfortable sharing our experiences with anxiety publicly. I am very grateful to every single person who reached out to me about this piece. Thank you all so much. I know you are going to help everyone who reads this list.

• “Hugs to you, Meredith. I deal with this, too. In case it’s of any help to you: thought-stopping is an incredibly useful tool my shrink gave me. If I start to think about, e.g., the 200 ants in your article, I kindly tell myself, “Nope. Not going there,” and redirect my thoughts (much like distracting a toddler who’s on the brink of meltdown). Gets easier with practice, stops the downward spiral into panic, and has helped me so much. So many of my writer/illustrator friends have anxiety issues — it feels like it may just be part of the creative package.”
• “I’ve been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 17, it is completely possible to live a really kick ass life with this diagnosis. The key is learning about and coming to understanding terms with what GAD means for you and learning how to cope with/disrupt those unhealthy thought patterns. My big suggestion is this, though: If you start to have weird physical symptoms (like the dizziness you describe in your article, I had a flare up of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in my 20s when my first marriage was on the rocks, insomnia or trouble falling asleep is another really common GAD physical symptom) DO NOT WAIT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR. It is likely that what is happening is that you are having general symptoms of GAD that you are either disrupting or ignoring and that because this is a serious anxiety episode, when you ignore/disrupt the mental thinky triggers, your brain says “Okay, mother fucker, you’re not going to pay attention to what I am trying to tell you? Let’s hit your body in other areas, then maybe you’ll stop and take notice. Go to the doctor, get the medication, feel better. THEN deal with the GAD. Sleep and digestion and balance are three areas where those who are diagnosed with GAD often experience physical symptoms, because those are three functions which are critical to operating as a healthy human in the world. Also: Do not let GAD make you feel diminished.Don’t eschew the medication because you think you should be able to control your own worry. You can’t. You shouldn’t try. Those with GAD tend to be high functioning, highly intelligent, successful people — I carry my GAD as a badge of pride of how much I care and how much I think. I think TOO MUCH, so I need a pretty blue pill to make my brain take a nap every now and again. By putting positive terms to it, it makes it much less scary and overwhelming to deal with. I recently had to help a friend (who has a host of other mental illness issues) come to terms with a new GAD diagnosis, I told her It does not make you less than, you are not broken and this is not all in your head. It’s a real problem, with chemical origins and you’re amongst the company of some of the world’s most incredible thinkers and do-ers with a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. /GAD rant.”
• “Great article, thanks! As a fellow GAD-er, I can relate to all this, but I put off getting a formal diagnosis for a long time, assuming that my ‘crazy mom worries’ (i have 2 little ones) were just ‘normal mom worries’. With all the stuff we’re supposed to worry about as moms, it can rapidly start to feel ‘normal’ to lie awake half the night solving hypothetical future problems about the kids’ wellbeing, or lying in the dark worrying about all the bad things that can happen to kids. When i finally started CBT, I told my therapist that i thought my worries were ‘probably pretty normal for a mom’ and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing… because (a) I was wayyyy high on the anxiety spectrum and clearly NOT worrying at normal levels, and (b) the fact that i was working so hard to explain away my worries was contributing massively to my anxiety! About 10 sessions later i’m doing great and have learned lots of different ways to cope. I’d just add that while CBT is awesome and a great therapy for GAD, my psychoanalyst mother would chastise me if I didn’t also note that lots of people have success treating GAD with more traditional ‘talk therapy’ and therapies based in analysis or psychoanalysis. Thanks again for posting about this!”
• “I’ve been dealing with this since I was about 12. It took me until 35 to really get some useful help. Some of what you wrote describes me to a T as a still struggle! Thanks for sharing and here’s hoping we both continue our progress! (My shrink also just recommended The Worry Cure, I guess I ought to actually read it!)”
• “ I’ve struggled with it for about 10 years and there are periods of time it takes over my life and other times it’s much much more managable. This is what helps me, because I don’t have insurance so I can’t work with a therapist on the regular:
  Nutrition (eating a whole foods, plant based diet), meditation (every day, usually for 10–20 minutes, with crystals for a grounding energy), talking about it with trusted friends (naming your demons seem to suddenly make them smaller), laughing about it after (humor is my saving grace), yoga/sun salutations (this helps when the shakiness of an oncoming panic attack looms), drinking tea (not that lipton shit- buy some quality tea), listening to podcasts (duncan trussell, joe rogan, & ram dass for some philosophical/spiritual guidance), abstaining from drinking too much (I work in music so this is a challenge), taking a walk through nature (thank my lucky stars I live next to golden gate park), periodic psychedelic journeys with plant medicines like mushrooms (this one is controversial, but the research that’s being done on psychedelic therapy is fascinating to me — all I can say is do it with someone you trust in a place you feel comfortable & visit www.reset.mefor more info), smoking or eating CBD — This one is important. CBD is a cannabinoid found in cannabis that is NON-psychoactive- meaning, it doesn’t get you “high.” It acts as an anti-psychotic and studies have shown that it even reduces malignant tumors and treats serious pain. The research around CBD is incredible. I work in the medical cannabis industry and have had discussions with people who know their shit and all I can say is that CBD has saved me in so many situations. It’s essentially my xanax nowadays. I don’t trust pharmaceuticals for mental issues anymore because of all the bad experiences I’ve had with them, but CBD is completely safe, natural & your brain even has receptors for this chemical. But, that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy smoking a heavy indica which usually puts me right to sleep so I don’t have to deal with racing thoughts before bed. Working with an energy/reiki healer, reading Chani Nicholas astrological insights, spending time with animals, cleaning/cooking (puts me into a meditative zone and a great time to put on a podcast), and staying away from technology are also other great tools too.
  This was a novel, but I’m not sorry. All of these things keep me sane when it seems like all my mind wants to do is go there. Hope this helps!!You’re not alone.”
• “Words that I live by courtesy of my therapist: there is no shame in getting the help you need to learn to cope and live a balanced and full life. It’s much like entering AA: the first step to feeling better is admitting you need help doing it. I used to be ashamed of my GAD because I thought it made me weak. Now I’m open and honest about it. If you’re not willing to deal with my idiosyncrasies, you can get out of my life…”
• “Thanks for writing! I was diagnosed with GAD back in 2010 and it took me a few years to even believe it was a “real” thing because it sounded so… general. I’ve never talked about it publicly because of the stigma and I’m not really sure what to say about it. CBT helped a lot, but it’s hard to explain to people that some of the reasons I’m successful are also reasons I have a hard time with certain interactions…What I’ve gotten from talking to professionals is that anxiety doesn’t really “help” [us] and that the fear is unfounded. You can have your benefits without having the stressful feeling of the anxiety. I’ve definitely gotten better over time, but it ebbs/flows. I’ve also realized there’s some underlying stuff for me (For example — I’ll have nightmares and that will make me anxious, but I’ll assume it must be attributed to real life and spend a lot of time overanalyzing what it is). I often just need a way to ask people if I’m being reasonable or am totally off base — I’ve sort of outsourced it to a lot of diff people for diff issues, and that works well enough. A support group would be an easier way to do it all the time and give someone a more consistent view.”
• “Great piece Meredith! It is helpful to understand and to help others to do so. The feelings of not being enough are so woven into the fabric of everyday that it is hard to see how corrosive this can be. That’s the whole reason I had to learn how to stop and give praise and gratitude for every little action. Staying rooted in the present, taking small steps, seeing these feelings as feelings, surrounding oneself with kind loving people, doing something each day that brings pleasure helps so much. It is a process and a daily practice.”
• “Wow, I have no doubt it took so much courage to write that. I’m a fan of cognitive behavioral therapy. A friend of mine gave me a copy (almost 15 years ago!) of David Burns’ “Feeling Good Handbook” and it was quite eye-opening. If you find the book itself helpful, you may want to try the Handbook because it’s a workbook that you fill in as you read. That helped me a lot personally because I had trouble translating the theory to action without something concrete to work on. Have you seen Allison Vesterfelt’s blog? This post of hers may be of interest to you: http://allisonvesterfelt.com/mind-body-connection/ I don’t know if what she’s wrestling with is GAD, but I have been following her blog the past couple of months.“
• “wow, such a brave, honest, and insightful piece. I especially love the use of q&a. You come across as an authority on the subject of GAD, but you also maintain the vulnerability of someone who’s still learning about it. I like that. It’s making me want to put fingers to keyboard on things I’ve wanted to write about that others could benefit from. Your thoughtfully written personal experience will do more for people than any impersonal “info” site. Thanks for sharing!”
• “As someone who suffers from chronic anxiety and panic attacks, I relate to the GAD struggles. My challenge continues to be my inability to identify (every time) my triggers. For example last night I was driving home from the movies and had a panic attack for seemingly no reason- I had seen The Intern w a bestie and was in a great place. Blurred vision and sweats to the point I had to pull over on the 10. I’ve been in therapy since I was 6 and tried traditional and alternative medications to no avail, so have been working on meditation, diet, regular workouts and being kind & patient to myself and grateful for all that I have! Thank you everyone for sharing, it does help knowing you’re not in this alone.For me, I constantly remind myself to be forgiving, understanding, patient and push myself to live comfortably in the discomfort. It goes in waves, but I’m healthy and will either live through it or overcome!! If anyone has any recommendations (meds, diet, books or alternative solutions) love your thoughts! Thanks!”
• “I think that so many of us PMs (Product Managers) have persistent anxiety due to the nature of the job. With our minds and work in many places, with many different people, and often in a time crunch, I see a lot of anxiety in PMs that goes well beyond the workday into our personal lives and evenings with family. I’ve seen anxious PMs day in and day out. I agree it’s almost like an anxiety junkie situation, and a desire to make order out of chaos, and perhaps it is a perfect role for us anxious types because our minds go a mile a minute, but I think that you have emphasized a serious issue and that anxiety in PM careers needs to be addressed and dealt with. And, perhaps, it could mean a responsibility shift in some arenas to remedy the situation. It’s profound that you shared your experience, and can encourage women (especially me!) to address issues before they get out of hand.”
• “I was just recently diagnosed, and it’s been an uphill battle. I don’t think I would have sought an answer had I not broken up with my long term boyfriend for fear that eventually he would leave me. Then I had to stop and say “what the hell is wrong?” I’ve been seeing a therapist and working with my doctor, and I’ve noticed such a difference since I’ve been able to identify what it is exactly I’m going through. I don’t remember the last time I really felt at ease. And my goal is to get back to a point where I can, and enjoy my life more. Thank you thank you thank you for what you wrote!!!”

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From FB, liked 8 times

I will edit and add to this list as I get more responses in! 

You are not alone, out there.