Generalized Anxiety Disorder

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objects in mirror are closer than they appear

Note: This was originally published in Oct 2015.

When I was first diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (by a neurologist in the middle of a migraine appointment), I thought, “Great! Search terms! Let’s get cozy, Google.”

But I was wrong to assume simple screen time was going to help me find my path with my anxiety disorder. I found little online that informed me in any real way. For one thing, the word “worry” was used again and again. At the time, worry wasn’t what I did or how I identified. Thinking and overthinking, yes. Worry, no.

I know this feeling.

A few months after my July diagnosis, in Sept 2015, the tennis player Mardy Fish wrote a great essay that captures the experience of anxiety in vivid detail. At one point he sums it up: “I was, objectively, doing great. And looking back, I wish I had been able to tell myself that. But doing great wasn’t something that my frame of mind back then had time to process. All I could focus on was doing better. It was a double-edged sword.”

By the time I read Fish’s piece, he was confirming something I already knew. I’d talked to many people to piece together what GAD meant, found a book that helped a lot, and started to figure out my own particular form of anxiety for myself.

The goal of this short FAQ is to help people like me when they’re just beginning their journey. You may be realizing you have anxiety. Maybe you’ve been told that that you’re exhibiting some of the symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. If you are Googling the hell out of your keyboard right now and not finding answers to your questions, welcome, fellow mind traveller.

Q. What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder, exactly?

A. You’ve probably been researching this topic, so I’m not going to give you the same bland answer you’ve already seen about how it’s a psychological disorder characterized by excess “worry” particularly about work, finances, and relationships. I will say that some of the people I know with GAD didn’t know they had it for a long time. They didn’t characterize themselves as “worriers.” Books and doctors tell you that GAD means you worry about worry, but if you don’t even consider it worry, that doesn’t help. And if you are so habituated to pushing away the worry as a coping mechanism, then again, talking in those terms just leads to more trouble.

For me, GAD meant that I was overthinking nearly everything in my life, scrupulously trying to figure it all out. If a problem came up, I’d write it down and begin my crazed attack in every direction. It also meant I had a ton of crippling shoulder and neck pain. I’d be nauseated frequently, especially on buses. I’d get dizzy occasionally, almost to the point of fainting.It was the physical symptoms that led my neurologist to know I had GAD.

Q. Can a person have GAD and not know it?

A. Absolutely. It’s common for people who have GAD to see many doctors before they get properly diagnosed. Gastroenterologist, chiropractor, neurologist, acupuncturist, and gynecologist offices are some of the common stops along the path to diagnosis.

Q. Is it hereditary?

A. I don’t know if this is everyone’s question, but it was one of mine. I wanted to understand where GAD was coming from. Yes, there is a genetic component. As is often the case, that’s only one part of the equation. You may have genetic roots and predisposition to anxiety disorders, but they are also triggered by environmental factors. The death of a loved one, divorce, the sudden loss of a job or your house, or a big change in circumstance can bring on episodic fare-up of GAD.

Q: If it flares up, does that mean it’s dormant at other times?

A: My understanding (I’m a patient, not a doctor!), is that you’re predisposed to GAD, but with proper treatment, you can bring your symptoms into check. But since you are predisposed to this condition, when things happen to you, you will be more likely to have bigger anxiety responses than other people. I almost think of it as a GAD sine wave, and the equation is your life, and what’s happening in it.

Q. How messed up are you, exactly? Please be specific.

A. Very recent example:

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ugh

We have had a few ants in the bathroom lately. They appeared to be coming through the window. “We should probably replace the window,” was my immediate thought, and suggestion to my husband, even though we can’t afford it.

I don’t see 5–10 ants. I see the inevitable 100–200 ants that I imagine will invade and eventually carry off our house. It’s very hard for me to deal with the here and now when I am catastrophizing. (That’s a cognitive distortion. Learning to recognize cognitive distortions is one important element of cognitive behavioral therapy, the best method for treating GAD.)

A friend put it well: “I realized that I did everything in a rush. Even simple things like brushing my teeth or making coffee. And 80 percent of what I do on a typical day does not require hurrying and rushing. That creates a lot of stress and worry throughout the day.” I know exactly what he means. I sometimes have the feeling that if I don’t get whatever small household task done at any given moment, the world might end. GADs are not known for their patience.

The worst era of my anxiety disorder was the time before I knew I had it. I knew something was wrong, but not what. I desperately wanted to figure it out. I’d go down every known avenue trying to get an answer. My diagnosis was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I am very thankful for it.

Q. If I have GAD, how do I make it go away? Does it last forever?

A. Here’s my thinking on it. The ideal situation is that I’m able to ride the wave. Maybe even get to the point where I can hang in the lull for a long time with little anxiety. When stressful things happen, I expect that my particular gremlin will poke his head out of the wave’s crest. Knowing what to do with him and that I’ve survived his visits before helps a lot.

how I ride the sine wave

Meditation. Medication. A moderate amount of reading and learning (in other words, don’t overdo it). Communication.

Q. Can anyone develop it? What’s the line between having it and just being a regular stressed out American?

A. Right now, I am seeing the world through anxiety-tinted lenses, so I tend to see anxiety in a lot of people around me. Ultimately, though, the difference between regular anxiety, stress, and GAD comes down to degree. Most people aren’t fainting or getting up in the middle of the night. Most don’t need neck rubs every day. And most aren’t negatively predicting the outcomes of regular social interactions in a way that adds extra stress to daily life.

One of my friends, who learned through my experience that he has GAD too, said, “I tend to project into the future as I experience almost everything. And I’m often planning how to deal with some negative turn of events that might happen in the future, but most likely never will. So I’m worrying in the present about something that will never happen in the future.” If that sounds familiar, you might want to read more about Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Q. Is this what has been wrong with me?

A. I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you that if anything that I’ve said has rung true, a great place to start is the book The Worry Cure. Don’t think about the title too much and don’t think about the word “worry.” Just investigate your physical symptoms through the lens of your thoughts, and see if what this book has to say relates to you. If not, then you don’t have GAD.

Q. Will I ever feel better?

A. I believe that you will feel better if you have GAD. This is a hard won statement coming from me. I am a skeptic and not one to placate you, reader. But I think that simply the fact of you reading this means that you are going to feel better.

Q. How do you know?

A. Times are changing. People are talking openly about depression, anxiety, and other forms of mental suffering in a way that they never did when I was in my 20s. I’m so glad to see it on behalf of my 5-year-old daughter. The more people speak openly about the spectrum of mental conditions, the more they can be helped earlier on.

I wouldn’t have dreamed of writing something this personal just one year ago. I now feel as though my anxiety needs to be an integrated part of me in order to be managed in a healthy way. I hope that others will feel that way too.

Q: What should I do if I’m a friend or family member of a Gaddie?

A: I feel for you. It’s not easy to deal with an anxious person, especially at the high pitch levels that people with GAD specialize in.

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Yeah, I could see where Bob was coming from.

It’s hard to avoid the role of friend-therapist. You might find yourself talking your friend down and trying to give them a more realistic view of their surroundings. The goal is to help them build those muscles for themselves without exhausting yourself. Bottom line: get the oxygen mask on yourself first.

On the other hand, it can also be confusing because GAD often presents as perfectionism, or invulnerability. How do you help someone who doesn’t seem to need help? Take in the information you have and tune in to your instincts. Is the person talking super fast? Are they in a lot of physical pain? Do they seem complainy? If so, they may need to learn to tune in to how they are responding to the world around them. As a friend, you can help by gently encouraging them to go easy on themselves and stay grounded in the moment. Send them a link to this piece. Do it with love.

Originally published on Oct 15, 2015 on Medium and Huffington Post. Updated April 8, 2017. 

Avoiding Risk is Risky

Black-and-White Risk tree, ready to be climbed.

Though We Don’t Think of It That Way

Mention the word risk in certain crowds and you’ll elicit bombastic responses like: “Without risk, and lots of it, you’ll never be successful. You gotta be at the table to win.” In this context risk is equated simply with “something that you might lose money on.”

It makes sense that we focus on external financial risk. Those results are easy to gauge: Payoff equals rising income. But what about internal risk? What about emotional or psychological fallout from paths not taken? We don’t talk about them as much, but these fallouts play a huge role in our lives. They affect our most important relationships — our friends, families, marriages, our selves.

I started a conversation on this topic yesterday on an app called Anchor. If you hit play below, you can hear stories of these types of risks:

“I’m a healthcare professional. I wanted to strike out on my own rather than work for the man (for lack of a better word). I can see how me being indecisive was harmful to my relationship. At the time, I thought ‘Let’s not take a risk to save my wife from worrying about me as my own boss.' That thinking actually harmed our relationship.”

“I was considering leaving a job I really loved. I'd been with this company for a really long time. I was considering leaving to join a startup. I thought to myself ‘Oh, this is risky. This is really risky.’ A good friend of mine convinced me it was just as risky to stay. He said even if it wasn’t a great job, I was potentially missing out on learning about a new career. About myself.”

Avoiding Risk

Some people think they can avoid risk altogether by just sticking with the status quo. Bad news! This type of non-decision decision can lead to less visible outcomes like anxiety and depression which, in turn, affect everything in our lives, including our relationships. We don’t talk about invisible emotional risks, but they are there with every choice we make. You don’t opt out of emotional risk just because it’s not as outwardly apparent as financial risk.

As an overthinker, I know how tempting it is to try to control outcome by seeing decisions from all sides. Please don’t confuse my invitation to look at the two sides of risk — rational and emotional — as an invitation to overthink.

Drumming up potential positive and negative consequences for big decisions is part of rational, external risk assessment. Often deciders lump emotional components in that assessment at the same time. To truly understand the emotional component of risk is to accept that it’s a bit trickier than that: it probably can’t be understood by thinking too much.

The Role of Intuition in Anticipating Emotional Risk

Risk tree in full color as seen on a wall of our house. Also goes by name of: Change Tree, Intuition Tree, or Luck Tree, depending on the season.

Remember your last big decision. Deep down, didn’t you know what you wanted to do? Much has been written about the wisdom of following gut feelings (Steve Jobs: “Intuition is more powerful than intellect”). To sort out the role of emotional risk, you have to take the time to check in with how you’re feeling.

Getting clear-eyed on risk means facing both rational and emotional risks. And let’s complicate this a bit further: there’s also a problem of lack of ultimate control. For overthinkers who want to understand all angles of a problem, this can be a particular challenge.

It’s Not All Up to You

Joining that startup could lead to a huge pay off. Staying at the well-funded enterprise company you’ve been at for years could turn out to be great. Luck will play a role in outcome. The best we can hope for is mapping our own rational and emotional risks with a clear head and heart.

Then we let go.

I Wish I Had Known That Amorphous Pain was Not a Given

This is what amorphous carbon looks like on a structural level. Seem familiar?

If there's one thing I wish I knew as a twenty-year-old, it's that migraines, nausea, and stiff necks didn't need to be a regular part of my life. I don't blame my doctors, asking me vague questions I couldn't answer. I was a crappy communicator when it came to describing what I felt. I didn't know how to sort and label the chronic pain that came at me from so many angles. I just chalked the whole ball of pain up to being a migraine person and tried to move on.

Here I am meeting my nephew for the first time. That's a huge scarf tied around my head in the attempt to kill a migraine.

But over time my headaches got worse. In my late 30s it was harder to ignore the impact on my life. I started seeing more doctors and tracking everything I experienced, meticulously noting how my hormone cycle intersected with my other symptoms. This was the point at which I finally started to articulate everything I was feeling. A neurologist was finally able to help by diagnosing me with Generalized Anxiety.

Why am I telling you this? I believe I am not alone on this terribly confusing path. In the time since I was diagnosed, I've talked to tens of people with similar symptoms who also didn't realize that anything could be done about it. They were like me: living with chronic pain, not knowing that anything could change. Simply talking with them has made a huge difference for me, and, as they've told me, for them. 

What do they have in common? They are people who have always thought deeply about things. They've frequently wondered if others ever feel the same way they did. They are often researchers, always looking for the answers. Their friends and family have told them not to think so much ever since they were little kids. They're sensitive and aware of the suffering of others. Another way to put it: at times, it feels like they get stuck in their heads. 

I explain to them that I think of these as the common traits of overthinkers. 

In response, they tend to either say, "Nah, that's not me," in which case, we move on to other topics, or their ears prick up. "That sounds familiar," they might say. "But what's wrong with overthinking, exactly?"

My response is always the same: If you aren't experiencing pain or adverse effects, there's nothing wrong with being an overthinker. But too often overthinking has an obsessive "got to figure things out" quality. As a BV* I know puts it, "In obsessing over figuring things out, you tend to neglect your priorities and what is important in your life."

Or, as a concrete litany of ifs: If your shoulders and neck are so tight that you need to take medicine for them every day. If you experience lightheadedness or dizziness regularly (or if you faint). If you have migraines that affect your ability to work. If you have nausea that makes it uncomfortable to travel or engage in other activities you love. If physical pain that's hard to pin down but reoccurring. If if if.

When again the person I'm speaking with starts to nod, I know that it's time for me to reassure them that they are far from alone. Others have felt--are feeling--this way. I tell them that life doesn't have to be like this. "You don't have to feel this crappy," I say.

On my 40th birthday AKA the day I finally started to realize that I didn't have to feel amorphously bad anymore.

For many of the people I've spoken with in the past year, this is the beginning of a new way of thinking. It's confusing and difficult to accept that it's your mind that can be hurting your body the way that it is, but for many of us, it's true.

"You don't have to feel amorphously bad anymore," I say. "There are many, many things you can do to feel better. But one of the biggest things can happen right now. It starts with realizing that you don't have to live this way."

I had a hard time figuring out what this post should focus on. Press play to listen to a great discussion I had about it beforehand on Anchor.

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*BV = beautiful voyager, an overthinker who experiences physical symptoms as a result of stress.

How Do You Feel When You're Told to "Just Be Yourself"?

A Medium post by David Heinemeier Hansson yesterday got me thinking about this question. Hansson (who goes by DHH) is best known for his creation of Ruby on Rails (web framework) and Basecamp (company and software tool), and I really respect his thinking. I loved his book Rework. He's often insightful on many topics.

Not this one, though. To give him credit, he probably dashed off this post, which has a simple premise:

He then goes on to talk about the power of envy for transformation.

I want to share my reasons for disagreeing with DHH because I think they're important for people like us (with anxiety). At the time of writing this, DHH's post had nearly 900 recommends on Medium. A whole lot of people agree with him. 

Writing my post helped me articulate why I don't, and it's made me feel good about the role of inspiration (as opposed to envy) in our lives. Maybe it will help you too?

I wrote:

I’ve thought about this a lot. Why does the invocation “just be yourself” sound insistent to the point of threatening to me?

I think it’s because: If someone’s not already being themselves, it might be because they’re scared or anxious. It might be that they don’t know who their “self” is at that moment.

Do you see a lot of people around you complacently in love with who they are right now? Do you think that the “just be yourself” motto is truly in danger of making people overly satisfied with their lives?

I’d argue that in both “just be yourself” and in “fake it til you make it” (which is another form of taking envy-based performance to its logical conclusion) social normative pressure suppresses positive growth.

What’s the solution then? Inspiration. Inspiration is growth-oriented.

It incorporates both learning to trust yourself and being inspired by the people around you, online and off. This is what leads to growth.

Take risks and share your new work. Publish a piece of writing or reveal a new project you’ve been designing or coding.

Feel good about these risks because your inspiration is your safety net.

my inspiration

Personal Prioritizing: We Suck At It

Anxiety makes us bad time managers. Thoughts don't pass by, gentle puffy clouds we want them to be. Anxious thoughts are greedy hands, reaching out, asking for more time and attention.

"The lightbulb over the back porch is out. I better fix it." Where others might be able to take note and continue their day, Gaddies end up in a whirlpool of what-if's and perceived negative outcomes. "If I don't change it, something might happen tonight and I might need a light." "If I don't get to it now, I might not get to it for another couple weeks." Changing the light bulb mounts the to-do list, becoming as important as getting to school on time, getting work done.

Clearly articulating the problem to solve is my first step to build out the GAD tool kit for priorities. The problem: Every to-do hits my brain laced with adrenaline and cortisol,  bursting onto the scene as a bunch of pushy P1's, all wanting to be on the top of the list.

I know that my eventual solution is going to involve defusing the initial thought. I'm going to use my physical response as a guide. It might look something like this:

1. Thought hits.

2. By hits, I mean, it suddenly seems super important.

NEW STEP! Check in with self: are you feeling neck tightness or shallow breathing?

IF YES, what mindfulness technique could help?

3. Before continuing with new, adrenaline-fueled task, go through a mindfulness technique, be it meditation, noting or describing the situation in words. "I am standing on my back porch in the morning, on my way to work, seeing that the light has burnt out."

4. See if any of the techniques change how the task gets prioritized.

NOTE! Don't do task without asking yourself: is this really the most important task for me to be doing right now? Am I doing it out of panic? 

I'd love to hear others' approaches to working around the GAD adrenaline panic. What works? Has an approach seemed like it should work, and it didn't? Since this is something I really struggle with, I'd love more insight and input on it!

The Winging It Spotlight on TWIGG How-To

I'm a big fan of the TWIGG How-to mission: "creating a damsel-free world, one article at a time." The women behind this project reached out and asked if they could reproduce my first piece on GAD, as well as run a short interview. I was honored that they wanted to feature me in their spotlight series. I wrote the piece in order to reach women in their 20s who have anxiety and don't realize it (as I didn't).  Here's the first pull quote they chose to illustrate. It really sums up everything I hoped to do there, and still feel is important here.

"Our Tastes Define Us."

I'm a big fan of the writer whose voice you hear in this video, Helen Rosner. Helen writes about wide-ranging topics with sensitivity, awareness, and insight. I think she's one of the best food writers out there. In the wake of Robin Williams' suicide she wrote about depression's slack black hole in the middle of her life. I found myself recognizing little details in a way that don't usually hit me in other personal essays on the topic.

Helen's point, and it's a good one, also happens to be a classic GAD trigger. When people ask for restaurant recommendations, she says, they're usually trying to be seen in a certain way for a certain need. Nothing's simple about that simple question. We're motivated by our own desires to control how we're perceived. So when Helen's podcast co-host, Greg Morabito, says, in what sounded to me like an offhanded, matter-of-fact voice, "Our tastes define us," I wonder if he has idea what kind of reverb that statement has for an anxious person.

GAD complicates everything, but for me, this thicket is one of the thorniest. The idea that others are judging me based on external components like what I wear or where I choose to eat throws me into an avoidance spiral. For those of you who've known me in the professional context, you might find that interesting or even contradictory. But the truth is that I always want to be liked, and I definitely want to get "it" right—whatever it might be. If a person is defined by their tastes, they will necessarily alienate others who are defined by differing or contradictory tastes. GAD wants me to commit without committing.

Thinking about it a bit more, the fact that I worked on a food site for so long actually makes a lot of sense. I'm both drawn to choosing the "right" thing while trying to avoid any judgements from the outside world. I just want it both ways. The shield of brand-taste helps take the pressure off the individual. (Apple's made millions off this very idea.) Ultimately, though, you're stuck with yourself. If you've spent so much time avoiding and pleasing, how do you figure out what your true tastes are? And without that, do you lack definition? 

Oh GAD, what a tangled web you weave. 

Advice and Tips from Readers

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I got so many thoughtful responses to the piece I wrote that I wanted to share them in one place as a resource for others with GAD. They are filled with great advice and support for us all. They shouldn’t just be lost in scraps on my FB wall, in a Slack channel, and on discussion boards.

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Taken from List App

I’m using no names, just quotes. I think it’s interesting there are so many thoughts on this topic, but so little of it happened here on Medium. I think it speaks to the profoundly intimate nature of this topic. We still have far to come as a community and society with being comfortable sharing our experiences with anxiety publicly. I am very grateful to every single person who reached out to me about this piece. Thank you all so much. I know you are going to help everyone who reads this list.

• “Hugs to you, Meredith. I deal with this, too. In case it’s of any help to you: thought-stopping is an incredibly useful tool my shrink gave me. If I start to think about, e.g., the 200 ants in your article, I kindly tell myself, “Nope. Not going there,” and redirect my thoughts (much like distracting a toddler who’s on the brink of meltdown). Gets easier with practice, stops the downward spiral into panic, and has helped me so much. So many of my writer/illustrator friends have anxiety issues — it feels like it may just be part of the creative package.”
• “I’ve been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 17, it is completely possible to live a really kick ass life with this diagnosis. The key is learning about and coming to understanding terms with what GAD means for you and learning how to cope with/disrupt those unhealthy thought patterns. My big suggestion is this, though: If you start to have weird physical symptoms (like the dizziness you describe in your article, I had a flare up of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in my 20s when my first marriage was on the rocks, insomnia or trouble falling asleep is another really common GAD physical symptom) DO NOT WAIT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR. It is likely that what is happening is that you are having general symptoms of GAD that you are either disrupting or ignoring and that because this is a serious anxiety episode, when you ignore/disrupt the mental thinky triggers, your brain says “Okay, mother fucker, you’re not going to pay attention to what I am trying to tell you? Let’s hit your body in other areas, then maybe you’ll stop and take notice. Go to the doctor, get the medication, feel better. THEN deal with the GAD. Sleep and digestion and balance are three areas where those who are diagnosed with GAD often experience physical symptoms, because those are three functions which are critical to operating as a healthy human in the world. Also: Do not let GAD make you feel diminished.Don’t eschew the medication because you think you should be able to control your own worry. You can’t. You shouldn’t try. Those with GAD tend to be high functioning, highly intelligent, successful people — I carry my GAD as a badge of pride of how much I care and how much I think. I think TOO MUCH, so I need a pretty blue pill to make my brain take a nap every now and again. By putting positive terms to it, it makes it much less scary and overwhelming to deal with. I recently had to help a friend (who has a host of other mental illness issues) come to terms with a new GAD diagnosis, I told her It does not make you less than, you are not broken and this is not all in your head. It’s a real problem, with chemical origins and you’re amongst the company of some of the world’s most incredible thinkers and do-ers with a diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. /GAD rant.”
• “Great article, thanks! As a fellow GAD-er, I can relate to all this, but I put off getting a formal diagnosis for a long time, assuming that my ‘crazy mom worries’ (i have 2 little ones) were just ‘normal mom worries’. With all the stuff we’re supposed to worry about as moms, it can rapidly start to feel ‘normal’ to lie awake half the night solving hypothetical future problems about the kids’ wellbeing, or lying in the dark worrying about all the bad things that can happen to kids. When i finally started CBT, I told my therapist that i thought my worries were ‘probably pretty normal for a mom’ and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing… because (a) I was wayyyy high on the anxiety spectrum and clearly NOT worrying at normal levels, and (b) the fact that i was working so hard to explain away my worries was contributing massively to my anxiety! About 10 sessions later i’m doing great and have learned lots of different ways to cope. I’d just add that while CBT is awesome and a great therapy for GAD, my psychoanalyst mother would chastise me if I didn’t also note that lots of people have success treating GAD with more traditional ‘talk therapy’ and therapies based in analysis or psychoanalysis. Thanks again for posting about this!”
• “I’ve been dealing with this since I was about 12. It took me until 35 to really get some useful help. Some of what you wrote describes me to a T as a still struggle! Thanks for sharing and here’s hoping we both continue our progress! (My shrink also just recommended The Worry Cure, I guess I ought to actually read it!)”
• “ I’ve struggled with it for about 10 years and there are periods of time it takes over my life and other times it’s much much more managable. This is what helps me, because I don’t have insurance so I can’t work with a therapist on the regular:
  Nutrition (eating a whole foods, plant based diet), meditation (every day, usually for 10–20 minutes, with crystals for a grounding energy), talking about it with trusted friends (naming your demons seem to suddenly make them smaller), laughing about it after (humor is my saving grace), yoga/sun salutations (this helps when the shakiness of an oncoming panic attack looms), drinking tea (not that lipton shit- buy some quality tea), listening to podcasts (duncan trussell, joe rogan, & ram dass for some philosophical/spiritual guidance), abstaining from drinking too much (I work in music so this is a challenge), taking a walk through nature (thank my lucky stars I live next to golden gate park), periodic psychedelic journeys with plant medicines like mushrooms (this one is controversial, but the research that’s being done on psychedelic therapy is fascinating to me — all I can say is do it with someone you trust in a place you feel comfortable & visit www.reset.mefor more info), smoking or eating CBD — This one is important. CBD is a cannabinoid found in cannabis that is NON-psychoactive- meaning, it doesn’t get you “high.” It acts as an anti-psychotic and studies have shown that it even reduces malignant tumors and treats serious pain. The research around CBD is incredible. I work in the medical cannabis industry and have had discussions with people who know their shit and all I can say is that CBD has saved me in so many situations. It’s essentially my xanax nowadays. I don’t trust pharmaceuticals for mental issues anymore because of all the bad experiences I’ve had with them, but CBD is completely safe, natural & your brain even has receptors for this chemical. But, that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy smoking a heavy indica which usually puts me right to sleep so I don’t have to deal with racing thoughts before bed. Working with an energy/reiki healer, reading Chani Nicholas astrological insights, spending time with animals, cleaning/cooking (puts me into a meditative zone and a great time to put on a podcast), and staying away from technology are also other great tools too.
  This was a novel, but I’m not sorry. All of these things keep me sane when it seems like all my mind wants to do is go there. Hope this helps!!You’re not alone.”
• “Words that I live by courtesy of my therapist: there is no shame in getting the help you need to learn to cope and live a balanced and full life. It’s much like entering AA: the first step to feeling better is admitting you need help doing it. I used to be ashamed of my GAD because I thought it made me weak. Now I’m open and honest about it. If you’re not willing to deal with my idiosyncrasies, you can get out of my life…”
• “Thanks for writing! I was diagnosed with GAD back in 2010 and it took me a few years to even believe it was a “real” thing because it sounded so… general. I’ve never talked about it publicly because of the stigma and I’m not really sure what to say about it. CBT helped a lot, but it’s hard to explain to people that some of the reasons I’m successful are also reasons I have a hard time with certain interactions…What I’ve gotten from talking to professionals is that anxiety doesn’t really “help” [us] and that the fear is unfounded. You can have your benefits without having the stressful feeling of the anxiety. I’ve definitely gotten better over time, but it ebbs/flows. I’ve also realized there’s some underlying stuff for me (For example — I’ll have nightmares and that will make me anxious, but I’ll assume it must be attributed to real life and spend a lot of time overanalyzing what it is). I often just need a way to ask people if I’m being reasonable or am totally off base — I’ve sort of outsourced it to a lot of diff people for diff issues, and that works well enough. A support group would be an easier way to do it all the time and give someone a more consistent view.”
• “Great piece Meredith! It is helpful to understand and to help others to do so. The feelings of not being enough are so woven into the fabric of everyday that it is hard to see how corrosive this can be. That’s the whole reason I had to learn how to stop and give praise and gratitude for every little action. Staying rooted in the present, taking small steps, seeing these feelings as feelings, surrounding oneself with kind loving people, doing something each day that brings pleasure helps so much. It is a process and a daily practice.”
• “Wow, I have no doubt it took so much courage to write that. I’m a fan of cognitive behavioral therapy. A friend of mine gave me a copy (almost 15 years ago!) of David Burns’ “Feeling Good Handbook” and it was quite eye-opening. If you find the book itself helpful, you may want to try the Handbook because it’s a workbook that you fill in as you read. That helped me a lot personally because I had trouble translating the theory to action without something concrete to work on. Have you seen Allison Vesterfelt’s blog? This post of hers may be of interest to you: http://allisonvesterfelt.com/mind-body-connection/ I don’t know if what she’s wrestling with is GAD, but I have been following her blog the past couple of months.“
• “wow, such a brave, honest, and insightful piece. I especially love the use of q&a. You come across as an authority on the subject of GAD, but you also maintain the vulnerability of someone who’s still learning about it. I like that. It’s making me want to put fingers to keyboard on things I’ve wanted to write about that others could benefit from. Your thoughtfully written personal experience will do more for people than any impersonal “info” site. Thanks for sharing!”
• “As someone who suffers from chronic anxiety and panic attacks, I relate to the GAD struggles. My challenge continues to be my inability to identify (every time) my triggers. For example last night I was driving home from the movies and had a panic attack for seemingly no reason- I had seen The Intern w a bestie and was in a great place. Blurred vision and sweats to the point I had to pull over on the 10. I’ve been in therapy since I was 6 and tried traditional and alternative medications to no avail, so have been working on meditation, diet, regular workouts and being kind & patient to myself and grateful for all that I have! Thank you everyone for sharing, it does help knowing you’re not in this alone.For me, I constantly remind myself to be forgiving, understanding, patient and push myself to live comfortably in the discomfort. It goes in waves, but I’m healthy and will either live through it or overcome!! If anyone has any recommendations (meds, diet, books or alternative solutions) love your thoughts! Thanks!”
• “I think that so many of us PMs (Product Managers) have persistent anxiety due to the nature of the job. With our minds and work in many places, with many different people, and often in a time crunch, I see a lot of anxiety in PMs that goes well beyond the workday into our personal lives and evenings with family. I’ve seen anxious PMs day in and day out. I agree it’s almost like an anxiety junkie situation, and a desire to make order out of chaos, and perhaps it is a perfect role for us anxious types because our minds go a mile a minute, but I think that you have emphasized a serious issue and that anxiety in PM careers needs to be addressed and dealt with. And, perhaps, it could mean a responsibility shift in some arenas to remedy the situation. It’s profound that you shared your experience, and can encourage women (especially me!) to address issues before they get out of hand.”
• “I was just recently diagnosed, and it’s been an uphill battle. I don’t think I would have sought an answer had I not broken up with my long term boyfriend for fear that eventually he would leave me. Then I had to stop and say “what the hell is wrong?” I’ve been seeing a therapist and working with my doctor, and I’ve noticed such a difference since I’ve been able to identify what it is exactly I’m going through. I don’t remember the last time I really felt at ease. And my goal is to get back to a point where I can, and enjoy my life more. Thank you thank you thank you for what you wrote!!!”

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I will edit and add to this list as I get more responses in! 

You are not alone, out there.