Should I Tell My Boss I Have Anxiety?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez
What I’ve learned about disclosing mental health struggles.
Have you ever found yourself asking, “Should I disclose my mental health challenges at work?” It’s a question I’m often asked in my capacity as a Certified Peer Specialist. In this piece, I’ll share what’s worked for me as well as the patterns I’ve seen in working with others on their own journeys. There are so many factors to consider: relationships at work, personal needs, the goal of disclosing. You also need to bear in mind the level of stigma you’ll be facing. Before I get into those details, let me tell you my own experience with anxiety at work and how I managed disclosures to my boss. My approach has been different from one job to another.
My own first episode of anxiety at work
I had my first burn-out in my late 20’s. I liked my job, had a promotion and was working a lot. The problem was I had a hard time detaching myself emotionally from my work. Plus, being a perfectionist, overachiever and people pleaser just increased the level of pressure I was putting on myself. One day, it felt like the wires in my brain sparked and shut down. At that time, I had a great relationship with my boss. So I felt comfortable disclosing my struggles to her. When I said that I couldn’t go on anymore, she was very understanding and supportive. She had noticed I was stressed, impatient and losing focus but didn’t know it was that bad. On my doctor’s recommendation, I left work for a couple months to take care of myself. I went to talk therapy which helped and learned new self-care skills. Being in a central marketing position in a smaller company, it was pretty hard for my absence to go unnoticed. My co-workers were told I was away for an undetermined period. They figured out I was on sick leave and I didn’t care. When I got back, everyone said they were happy to see me healthier. No further questions asked.
My second episode of anxiety at work
About 10 years later, I had just moved from Montreal to Boston for my wife’s work. I was super excited and confident about this new adventure. However, I guess I had misjudged the effect of all the stressors that were going on in my life (moving, new job search, pre mid-life crisis). That’s when I began to feel super anxious and lost. Even though I was doubting myself and my work skills, I landed a good marketing position. I hadn’t even started on the job that I was losing sleep, hyper-agitated and having difficulty to focus or make decisions. Waking up in the morning was hell because of the fear of having to go to work, not feeling up for the tasks. And there it began. My first panic attack followed by multiple daily panic attacks sitting at my desk. I was literally jumping off my chair, wanting to escape, feeling I didn’t belong in that estranged environment. Still, I was able to hide my struggles and push through for a couple months, until it was unbearable. I decided not to mention anything about my mental state. I just told my boss that the company’s culture wasn’t a good fit for me, that I was unhappy at work. So I left, relieved (only for a very short time).
Crane Beach, MA, at the peak of my most severe mental health struggles in June 2014. The beach is an automatic anxiety relief place for me.
It keeps happening: my third episode
After a major depression and high anxiety episodes that followed, with help, I got back on my feet and found a new job. I chose again not to disclose anything about my mental health. When feeling highly stressed and less able to focus, I would tell my boss I was going through some personal stuff. I would take a sick day occasionally if needed. Due to the work environment (competitive, non-empathetic, stigmatic), I felt the risks were outweighing the gains of disclosing any further details. My symptoms weren’t present all of the time nor unmanageable. I was performing. Thanks to awareness and mindfulness! I must confess that I did open up to a few trusted colleagues who I thought were themselves at risk of mental health issues due to work-related stress.
Is disclosing your anxiety at work a “professional suicide”?
Yes, it could but it doesn’t mean it will be. There is a risk of losing the respect of colleagues or being held to a different standard or being passed for a promotion or even being fired. It depends on the work environment. I think it will take time for the stigma around mental health to leave workplaces (and society). On the bright side, I see many companies trying to change their culture, and taking steps in the right direction. So I am hopeful. With the stress that the COVID-19 pandemic created, many companies have started implementing mental healthcare strategies, resources, and trainings. These improvements help support employees’ wellness, break the stigma, maintain productivity and reduce turnover. Some employers like Pinterest are even holding employee-led peer support groups. Still not convinced? Well, public figures and high performing CEOs have disclosed their mental health challenges, in turn increasing awareness and “normalizing” mental health conditions. How awesome, bold and powerful is that? I call it WWF-style stigma fighting!
Observing the patterns
When people share with me their experience of disclosing their anxiety to their boss, I can relate to the fact that we tend to provide too many unnecessary details to make our point. For example, I don’t have to disclose my diagnosis or explain past traumas. Telling my boss “I need a couple minutes throughout the day to manage my anxiety so I can maintain my performance level” should be enough. Another pattern I see is not being specific about what our needs are, what kind of support do we need from our boss or the organization. Accommodations can be small or bigger and that will influence the level of details we must disclose about our struggles. So, being prepared for our disclosure discussion is key.
Checklist of questions to help making my decision
I’ve created a short list of questions to ask yourself as you reflect on whether to disclose or not your anxiety and mental health struggles at work.
What are my reasons to share my struggles at work?
How much do I need/want to disclose?
What do I have to gain? What is at risk?
Am I ready to disclose? Am I prepared to have this conversation?
What is my work environment and the culture? How is my relationship with my boss? What could potentially be the reactions and collateral impacts of my disclosure? How do I feel about that? Can I face the potential stigma?
Is my current work performance negatively impacted by my struggles? How so?
Do I need special accommodations from my boss or the organization to support my work and performance? If so, what are my specific requests? What would be the benefit for my employer to support me?
What outcomes do I expect from my disclosure?
How to use these questions to make your decision
Now that you’ve answered the checklist questions and reflected on your needs, how do you feel about disclosing now? Anxious, excited, scared, exposed, confident? Maybe a mix of those feelings? That’s completely normal. It’s how I felt each time I completed this exercise to help making my decision.
There are other problem-solving/decision-making tools you can use like the simple two column visual, one for the positives and one for the negatives, which helps to better see where you stand and to take a step back. As a Peer Specialist, I have used with people a tool called PICBBA (Problem, Impact, Cost, Benefit, Brainstorm, Action). My checklist of questions kind of covers the principle of that tool. Otherwise, sharing with someone you trust - a close friend or spouse - can help considering aspects you may have missed in your reflection. Personally, I always like to add meditation. It clears my mind, reduces my anxiety and digs into what my heart (or gut feeling) has to say about all this. It has rarely misguided me.
You’ve made your decision, what’s next? How to prepare for a productive conversation
Using your checklist of questions and answers as well as your own reflection, write down the specific pieces of information you want to disclose and your needs from your boss or organization. Make it both about you and the benefit for your employer (e.g. to maintain your wellness, productivity level, quality of your work). Rehearse out loud before the meeting, get a good night sleep. Stay confident, breathe and smile.
What to expect after you have disclosed
That’s hard to predict as everyone’s experience is different. Every work environment is also different, so there is no one-size-fits-all answer. However, with proper reflection and preparation, you have greater chances of achieving the goal you have set in the first place for disclosing your struggles at work. Make sure you are at peace with your decision and own path forward – which is the most important of all. Your approach to disclosure may change overtime, as you gain more experience with sharing your struggles.
Where do we stand today?
I believe in honesty and at the same time I keep in mind the following quote from Ron Brackin (journalist and author of the international bestseller Son of Hamas): ‘’Complete honesty is not the same thing as full disclosure’’.
In the past years, becoming a Mental Health Peer Specialist solved in part my disclosure dilemma (telling my story or pieces of it is part of the job). Nevertheless, I recently chose to go all out through social media and that was my personal decision. I did it in full awareness, in confidence, well-prepared and with a clear goal in mind: helping others, raising awareness and breaking the stigma.
Now I turn it to you, let’s start the conversation:
What is your personal experience with disclosing or not disclosing at work?
What made you choose to go one way or the other?
Who did you tell (boss, co-workers, HR)?
How do you feel about your choice today? Would you have done it differently?
Pat G Massicotte was born and raised in Quebec City. He spent many years in the medical/pharma industry in marketing before moving to Boston where he experienced serious mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him on a career shift and he became a Certified Peer Specialist in mental health. He used his presentation and training development skills to lead education committees, run peer support groups and mindfulness meditation sessions including workplaces.
More recently, Pat has pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to take care of communications and to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars.
Pat is a change agent passionate about mental health education. His ultimate goal is to humanize healthcare, break the stigma, raise awareness through voicing the Peer Values, the trauma-informed model and that recovery is real, so is hope.