Are You Ready To Go Back To The Office?

Photo by Alesia Kazantceva

If you are, you’re in the minority.

Summer is here, vaccination rate is on the rise and health safety restrictions are being lifted a little more. It feels like all human beings are starting to breathe and live again. What’s not to be happy about? It’s all good now, isn’t it? Aren’t we going back to “normal”? It’s not that simple.

I remember at the beginning of the pandemic, everyone was asking: ‘’when are we going back to the office’’? Most weren’t mentally and physically prepared to work from home full-time, 5 days a week. It was like we needed to go back. Now that we are finally contemplating the end of COVID-19 and that we have spent the last year and a half at home, the narrative and wants have changed…a complete 180-degree change! According to recent Canadian and US surveys, about 80% of employees don’t want to go back to work in-person at their corporate offices post-covid. (1) At least not for 5 days a week, maybe 3. (2)

Whether or not the pandemic has created trauma for some employees, thinking about an imminent return to their “normal” physical workplace can mentally impact each person differently. Regardless, as revealed by surveys, 72% of employees said working from home makes them less stressed. (3) We can then safely assume that the anxiety level of the majority is on the rise as organizations are communicating their in-office return plan and expectations.

Let’s dig deeper into this important stressful dilemma for the workforce and organizations. Especially when views on productivity, working hours and engagement don’t seem to be aligned between employees and employers. I will be drawing parallels with my own few personal returns to the office after going through mental health challenges and recoveries, which are in many ways comparable to what most workers are currently facing.

Why don't people want to return to the office?

These are the main reasons for not wanting to return to the office, according to surveys:

• More than three quarters of employees ranked avoiding commute as a main reason on various surveys. The stress, fatigue and time lost commuting in traffic are major factors. (4)

• The top reasons for preferring to continue to work from home are convenience, saving money and increased productivity. (5)

• Other main reasons are reduced stress and the ability to better achieve a work-life balance. (6) 

Why do some people want to go back?

• Close to half of employees are concerned about missing out on career progression if they keep working from home. (7) 

• In-person communication with colleagues are missed. (8)

• Despite time saved from commuting and increased flexibility, longer workdays and heavier workloads have become a reality for many workers, making it more stressful and challenging for them to disconnect while at home. (9)

And what about the employer point of view?

According to recent polls, employers responded as follow:

• 17% said productivity loss from remote work is a top concern. (10) 

Despite this rather low percentage, employers and employees have opposite views on productivity and hours worked during the pandemic. From an employee’s perspective (which I understand), this divergence has been a high stressor and frustration point. Many surveys11,12,13 reported that between half to three quarters of workers said they paid the “COVID tax” meaning they did more hours (including nights and weekends for some) than pre-pandemic. Additionally, workers felt more productive with an increase in the quality of their work. (14,15,16,17) 

• 26% said their culture has suffered from the lack of in-person interaction, while 59% said it improved as employees learned more about their colleagues during the pandemic. (18) 

Safeguarding the corporate culture is an important argument heard in favor of a return to the office. Idea generation, innovation development, quick corridor chats, level of engagement and team spirit are also elements that can usually be maximized by face-to-face interactions. 

Here’s what I’ve learned

I have experienced a few returns to the office after going through psychological struggles. I feel the COVID-19 pandemic was similar in terms of 1) having to accept a situation that was out of my control, 2) adapting to it, 3) changing my perceptions and behaviors toward it, and 4) spending more time home. 

My first experience was after a burnout, then 10 years later after a severe depression and more recently when starting my own business. In each scenario, I went back to work positively changed but not without many questions, fear, anxiety, new needs and hope. Here are my key observations:

• I had time to know myself better and reflect on my life, work and rearrange my priorities

• I had worked hard to become a better version on myself (and needed to continue that)

• I anxiously wondered: 

  • How will my employer support me? (part-time/gradual return, flexible schedule, reduced workload or additional resources, other tools to support me?)

  • How will I be able to maintain my self-care? (e.g. time for psychotherapy, practice my mental wellness tools and apply my strategies)

  • How will I be perceived by my boss, colleagues, and the organization? (with the existing stigma around mental health, especially at work)

    • Are my chances of promotion now gone?

    • Will I still be trusted to carry important tasks?

    • Will I be perceived as weak, sick, or disabled?

  • Who will I be able to talk to and trust if I need support?

When coming back, I not only had to re-organize and adapt to my daily schedule (family, work, meals, chores, meditation, exercising…), get use to commuting again twice a day and refresh my work entire but also “re-learn” the corporate/office life (red tape, gossip, egos, social, non-verbal cues…).  On the bright side, seeing and interacting with my colleagues, vendors and clients felt good. Same for my sense of belonging. Without having to disclose details, I made sure to communicate to my boss my needs, propose a plan and demonstrate I can be trusted, productive, flexible, and performing. It was important as I often made progressive returns and worked from home too. What was the outcome? After my various returns to work, I rated Constantly Exceed Expectations in my year-end review. 

Where to go from here...

As days and weeks go by, it will be interesting to see how both the employees’ and employers’ perspective, needs and wants evolve (for better I hope).

The post-pandemic return to the office brings a unique opportunity to share our “peerness” among colleagues, including with our bosses. It means that we all have shared the same experience of struggles, uncertainty and fear caused by this global crisis. From business owners, to CEOs, to managers, to employees, we all have been impacted by Covid-19, at different levels maybe, but in the same time period, with the same restrictions. So let’s open up to each other and use this unique chance to reset. Use this pandemic as an opportunity to bring us closer, create more empathy, unity and understanding. A chance to be better human beings at work and in our personal lives.

All the best to those who are returning to the office. I’m leaving you with data and food for thoughts to help preserve your mental wellness at work during this transition time.

If you're an employee thinking about returning to the office, you may want to…

- Clearly communicate your needs, concerns, and ideas

- Be opened to try the proposed return plan and self-assess
- Show more flexibility at least for the first weeks of the return
- Practice self-care like breathing, taking mindfulness breaks and using self-compassion
- Take advantage of the mental health support and resources offered by your employer

- Remember you always have a choice and control over your perspective and behavior

“Employees are looking for companies that put their well-being and experience first . . . [and] they want the ability to choose where they work . . . and have the power to control their own schedules.” (19)

“A majority (96 percent) of respondents believe a company culture that promotes mental and/or physical well-being matters. And when asked what factors play into establishing and maintaining a good company culture, 71 per cent of those surveyed felt leadership was most important, with 43 percent citing flexible work environments and schedules.” (20)

“A majority (58 percent) of employees surveyed would like a hybrid-work arrangement that gives them the option to work from home or at the office once the pandemic ends.”21

“Almost half of respondents would look for another role that allowed remote work. Some 35 percent of those surveyed agreed with the statement: “If my superiors ordered me to go back to the office, I would start to look for another job where I can work from home.”22

If you're an employer who wants to support returning employees, you may want to:

• Clearly communicate your return plans and expectations

• Be opened to comments, feedback, needs, and ideas (internal survey?)

• Be flexible at least for the first weeks of the return

• Be transparent, honest and trust your employees

• Provide solid mental health support, resources, and programs (like ERGs - Employee Resource Groups)

• Assess and honestly ask: Is our corporate culture a human experience? If not, why? What is our plan to change and sustain it?

“While prior to the pandemic, a small percentage of the workforce disclosed their disabilities to their employers, as we all return to working out of our offices, there could be an increase in employees disclosing disabilities. This increase in disclosures will mean that any return to the office program will also require accommodation and support of these employees.” (23)

“Leading employers have moved away from thinking about how to pay for and manage their programs, to asking how their programs can treat employees who need them “like they’re a human being”. “The programs you end up with and the way you deliver them ends up being quite different” (24)

“Introducing more mental-health supports to their benefits programs, including training for managers to recognize the early signs of mental-health issues.” (25)

“All employer respondents said mental-health issues are their top pandemic-related concern for staff, followed by the impact of childcare and elder care support (80 percent) and physical health issues (59 percent).”(26)

“If remote work is here to stay, then employers must ensure they’re creating a corporate culture that promotes physical and mental well-being and offers greater flexibility in the way their employees work.” (27)

“Since some employees experienced trauma during the pandemic, it’s a good idea for employers to have resources readily available for people leaders about how to identify people who are potentially struggling and how to have conversations about those observations. It’s important to de-stigmatize therapy, counselling and support. The coronavirus crisis has been hard for many employees and normalizing anxious or difficult feelings will help them reach out for the help they need.” (28)

“Employers should allow for some self-determination of pacing in the return to the workplace. As employees have probably reorganized their days working from home around their home lives, it will be important to be flexible about the start and end of a workday or allow employees the ability to continue to work from home for some of the work week, at least in the beginning.” (29)

2020-2021 survey sources used for this article:

• 1,5,14,22 Leger and the Association for Canadian Studies 

• 2,3,4,6,7,8,15,27 Owl Labs and Global Workplace Analytics

• 9,11,16,24 ADP Inc. and the Angus Reid Institute 

• 10,12,17,18,26 Chartered Financial Analyst Institute 

• 13 Robert Half Survey 

• 19,20,21 Citrix Systems Inc 

• 23 Nathan Friedman, FastCompany: Workplace Evolution, 6-16-21

• 25 Mercer’s most recent global trends report 

• 28,29 Benefits Canada

Born and raised in Quebec City, Patrice (Pat G) spent several years in the medical industry, overcame a burn-out, before moving to Boston where he experienced severe mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him through self-discovery and a career shift. He became a Certified Peer Specialist and highly engaged in humanizing mental health through education and awareness.

Over a year ago, Pat pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars. He is also a certified speaker and trainer for NAMI and participates in various mental health writing and speaking engagements.

More recently, Pat founded and launched Human Experience Peer Consultant, a company that offers a unique perspective when it comes to mental health awareness, education and training in the workplace. He loves to connect and collaborate with Peers across North America doing unique, innovative and human-focused work in the mental wellness field.

Try Experimenting with Paint-By-Numbers

When Gaétan from Winnie’s Picks first approached me, asking if I’d like to experiment with a cool adult paint-by-numbers project, I was so excited and couldn’t say yes fast enough. As an avid amateur crafter (who sucks at most crafts), I have enthusiasm in spades…and painting talent in drips.

This is what the kit look like when it arrived.

Gaétan then let me know that I could actually paint a photo of my own choosing, and that by simply uploading a photo I loved, I could personalize my painting. I had no choice, did I? I had to choose a big happy shot of my dog, June Bug.

Yes, the project took over our dining table for a month, but my family was cool with it.

June bug coming to life. That big pink tongue was a natural starting place.

Just as I do with jigsaw puzzles, I got sucked into my new creative project. It was a great pastime for my 9-year-old daughter and I to share (once I got comfortable with it not being “perfect.”) It got me to put down my phone, and I love the tactile qualities of it. I would say that I ended up enjoying it even more than coloring!

And here are the results! Not bad, eh? Esp for someone who truly can’t draw or paint. I would definitely recommend trying an adult paint-by-number project if you’re interested in a new way to redirect your busy thoughts.

Update on May 23, 2021

I recently tried a new product from Craft-Ease that I wanted to share. It’s called Diamond Painting and it’s similar to paint by numbers, except you focus on tiny beads attached with glue. It’s super fun and very engaging. Everyone in my family is enjoying it!

---

Do you have any creative experiments that have worked to help with overthinking? Share them in the comments!

The Best TV Shows To Distract Yourself After Your COVID Vaccine

In anticipation of my second COVID vaccine (knowing that I had a reaction after the first and would probably spend a couple of days in bed), I ran a poll on the Beautiful Voyager Instagram to find out if there were hidden gems in the streaming world that I hadn’t come across. The recommendations were so great that I didn’t want to keep them to myself. So here is a list of the top recommended comedies, broken down by streaming network.

Netflix

Never Have I Ever

Atypical

1. Ginny and Georgia (Netflix)

2. Atypical (Netflix)

3. I'm Sorry (Netflix)

4. Derry Girls (Netflix)

5. Sex Education (Netflix)

6. Schitt’s Creek (Netflix)

7. The Good Place (Netflix)

8. Community (Netflix)

9. Never Have I Ever (Netflix)

Hulu

Solar Opposites

What We do in the Shadows

1. Solar Opposites (Hulu)

2. Life in Pieces (Hulu)

3. What We Do In the Shadows (Hulu)

4. Dicktown (Hulu)

5. Pen15 (Hulu)

HBO

1. Barry (HBO)

2. Search Party (HBO)

Amazon Prime

1. Red Oaks (Prime)

2. Forever with Maya Rudolf (Prime)

3. Fleabag (Prime)

4. Party Down (Prime)

Apple TV

ted lasso

1. Ted Lasso (Apple)

2. Mythic Quest (Apple)

Also

1. Saved by the Bell reboot (NBC)

Thank you to everyone who shared these recs!

Why Did It Take Me So Long To Accept My Mental Health Medication?

Photo by Vladislav Babienko

And is accepting medication different than taking it?

Attention to details has never been one of my strengths. It may come as a surprise (or not) for some people; having held various marketing management positions during my career. I believe that somehow, with extra efforts, I’ve been able to pay attention to the small stuff when needed. It’s never been perfect but based on the success and job promotions I got through the years, I can safely say that I managed in my own way, at that time. 

However, in the past year or so, I began feeling more overwhelmed with work and started making small mistakes on a regular basis. Nothing really bad nor compromising for my employer but still they were there. For a recovering perfectionist and top performer like me, this was so annoying especially when it was my boss who was catching the imperfections. I could feel that something was different with me. It felt like my head was full, close to spinning. I also had more difficulty focusing and covering “all my angles”. Yet I kept on top of my work and personal life responsibilities, barely. 

I asked myself: What is going on with me? What has changed? I started doing an inventory: I launched my own mental health consulting business, completed a few training sessions, quickly boosted my professional network, got involved in various projects and the list goes on. Even though I chose to engage in these projects, they fueled me with a mix of excitement, joy, stress and increased anxiety. The scariest part was that I perceived my small mistakes like I’m not good enough and never will be. Leading me to feeling depressed, tired and sad. Same feeling with my personal life i.e. not being able to do everything and/or correctly. That’s where the new skills I have developed during my recovery came handy. Thanks to my awareness practice (and my wife) who helped me raise a mental red flag on this internal chatter. Seems like the old patterns and negative automatic thoughts came back in force. So, I used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques, my daily mantra and meditation to deal with them. But was that enough? No, it was not. I needed help, so I booked an appointment with my doctor.

Not another mental health diagnosis and medication!

I always suspected living with a mild attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) that didn’t affect me to a point of challenging my everyday life (or so I thought). As mentioned earlier, I’ve been able to self-manage that condition for a long time. But a few years ago, I was curious to get some sort of confirmation and completed ADHD evaluation tests with my psychiatrist. Without any surprise, I checked most of the boxes on those questionnaires. Still, I wasn’t ready nor saw the need to take further actions then. Unfortunately, the day of no longer being able to manage that part of me, despite my numerous wellness tools, has come, as I turned 46! 

In light of this “new” additional mental wellness challenge and potential need for medical treatment, I wanted to share my perspective on medication from both my own experience and from my observations helping others as a certified peer specialist. Medication is a huge stigmatized subject in the mental health world, not only for the individuals needing them but also for their loved ones and clinical providers. There is a lot of misunderstanding, misinterpretation, judgment, and fear involved. I’ve often heard: “Why won’t you just take your meds?”, “What is the big deal if the medication is supposed to make you feel better?”, “People with mental health challenges are so non-compliant when it comes to taking meds”. 

What Medication Represented to Me

Here are some common myths and stigma around psychotherapeutic medication. While everyone’s experience is different, I hope you will gain a new perspective of what medication can represent for some people, like me. You will see that they can be much more than “just” meds.

1.The fear of no longer feeling like myself 

Change in personality is a very common fear of people hesitating to get on a psychiatric medication. Studies and publications argue that it isn’t your personality that is changing but rather your feelings of depression and anxiety. So meds like antidepressants are supposed to help you be yourself again. Often, when people mention feeling like a zombie or over agitated on their new medication, the dosage may be wrong or the medication may not be the right one for that person. In my case, even though I was trying to blame my med for feeling different, I figured out that I was actually holding on to my “old” self. That was who I knew for all these years until I found the true me. The fear of no longer being able to identify with my past (extreme) range of emotions, of no longer being funny or impulsive was very present in my mind. I remember at that time my therapist challenged my concern by asking: “and where did the “old” Pat lead you?” (referring to my worst mental health challenges). That phrase changed the idealistic perception I had of the one I once was, and it helped me move on. It turned out that as I was progressing into my recovery. I was transforming myself for better using medication, therapy, self-help support groups and coping tools. I was confusing this positive change with not feeling like myself anymore. It was scary at first but then I came to appreciate who I was becoming: a better version of me, the true me I had dismissed for all these years.

Note: It is important to find with your doctor which medication is right for you. It may take a few trials before you find the one that helps you best with the less side effects. In my experience, some antidepressants made my symptoms of depression and anxiety worse, some others can make you feel numb or too agitated. Dosage needs to be adjusted to your own condition and situation. Everyone’s experience is different, but persistence and patience are key. Keeping an open dialogue with your prescriber during the process is necessary. Once I found the right medication, it really helped me. I’m still on it today and need it. It’s part of my toolbox.

2. The constant reminder that I’m a “sick” 

Every morning at breakfast, I take my antidepressant. I know it helps me. I’ve tried getting off of it a couple times and it didn’t work out. My anxiety and depression symptoms would increase despite my use of multiple other wellness tools like mindfulness meditation, exercising, journaling and therapy. I would take my med as prescribed but it took me years to accept it in my min. Even though it helped me and gave me zero side effects, I would always question if I should take it, if I should stop it. Why is that? Through my own reflection, I realized that it was a daily reminder of my condition. Reminding me that I’m a patient, weak, ill, disabled, doomed. Which wasn’t true. The day I decided to change that perception became a huge positive turning point in my recovery. I chose to accept my medication because it helped me concentrate, take a step-back, see more clearly and get going. My medication is just one of my various mental wellness tools. That’s it. I am not defined by it. I am who I am: a resilient, strong, confident, happy, loving husband, brother, son and friend and the list goes on. I am a person that sometimes experiences symptoms of anxiety, depression and ADHD. I’m not sick nor a patient. I’m a human being who recovered from severe mental health challenges and who can achieve anything. And that’s just a piece of my great life.

3. The stigma around mental health 

What will people around me think if they find out I take psychiatric medication? How will they perceive me? A lesser person? What if my spouse, partner, friends or parents have a negative opinion on mental health (or any) medication? These are normal questions and valid concerns. There is still a lot of stigma around mental health conditions even though we seem to have made some progress opening the dialogue during the current pandemic. Personally, being open about my condition and medication has reduced my anxiety versus trying to constantly hide it. Of course, a big part of my job is to share my story and break the stigma. Yet, I’m not advertising it for no specific reason and I’m intentionally being careful depending on the context.

4. The big “bad” pharmaceutical industry & their “pill pushers”

Unfortunately, psychiatric medication has had its load of bad press. Whether it is antidepressants or anxiolytics, the abuse of prescription levels by doctors and incentives by pharma companies were real. Practices have changed but there is still a need for educating clinicians who prescribe these drugs. How do they assess the person they treat? How fast are they to opt for a quick fix? Some people may also refuse to support the drug industry or doubt the medication’s efficacy or draw from bad experiences with previous mental health medications.

Regardless of our opinion on pharma companies, I think what helps is for doctors to treat the person as a whole while using active listening. Also, educating the public about the role of medication and how to be prepared for their doctor’s visit (list of symptoms, since when, frequency, intensity, list of health, lifestyle and life changes, list of questions for the doctor, etc). Medication isn’t a be all and all. It is a tool among many other tools in our wellness toolbox (like therapy, peer support, exercising, eating healthy foods, sleeping well). The hammer won’t get the portrait on the wall, it needs a nail and a person or two to do the job. Same with selfcare. Kudos, to doctors who ensure the person is well-equipped and not relying solely on the meds. Preferably, doctors would present the person with more than one medication option when possible. Lastly, both the doctor and the person would gain from openly discussing concerns, potential side-effects, interactions, and other possible risks related to the medication that is being considered. 

5. The way we are…our own barrier

In previous columns I wrote how our environment and the way we were raised have influenced our beliefs and character. So, it applies to medication too. Honestly, I’ve never been a big fan of taking meds in general, even for small pain. I guess I didn’t like the thought of putting something unnatural into my body. I would prefer to tough it out or use other means like drink water, eat more fruits, take a rest or natural supplements. Plus, ignoring our injuries, pain and other health issues seemed to be running in my family. We’d tell ourselves: “no time for that, no complaining, just carry on”. After a while, we would end up at the doctor’s office or in the hospital because our situation worsened. Then, we’d take the meds (a bit late!). Same thing happens with my mental health challenges. I ignored stress, that turned into anxiety that turned into severe depression/burn-out and the way to a suicide attempt. At that time, I wrongfully thought I could push through the pain on my own. I didn’t want meds to “mess” with my personality and I wouldn’t admit I wasn’t well due to pride, stigma and my own perception.

So, how can we help ourselves and others?

First, keeping an open dialogue, using curiosity while putting aside our judgment would help better understand why the person is being hesitant to take (or stay on) their mental health medication. Kindly getting the person to open up by asking questions like: How do you do on your medication? Do you feel they help or make you feel worse? How so? How do you feel when you don’t take them? What are your concerns? Do you feel you have all the information you need? Secondly, validating the person’s experience by showing empathy and maybe sharing a piece of your own experience with a similar situation. Lastly, asking the person how you can help and support them in regard to their medication and overall wellness. It could be to accompany the person to their doctor’s appointment and help asking questions.

Through my own experience and while supporting others, I realized that there is much more behind what seems like a simple act of taking the medication. Now that I understand my own perceptions, fears and have been through the acceptance process before, I feel better equipped to welcome and accept my new ADHD medication or I’d rather say: my new wellness tool. 

Born and raised in Quebec City, Pat G (Patrice) spent several years in the medical industry, overcame a burn-out, before moving to Boston where he experienced severe mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him through self-discovery and a career shift. He became a Certified Peer Specialist and highly engaged in humanizing mental health through education and awareness.

Over a year ago, Pat pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to take care of communications and to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars. He is also a speaker and trainer for NAMI and participates in various writing and speaking engagements. More recently, Pat founded and launched Human Experience Peer Consultant, a company that offers a unique perspective when it comes to mental health awareness, education and training in the workplace. He loves to connect and collaborate with Peers across North America doing unique, innovative and human-focused work in the mental wellness field. 

How to Overcome Your Own Negativity Bias

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

Suppose you’re at work and your coworker says something negative about your outfit. You might have something to say back to them but don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your manager so you begrudgingly decide to keep quiet about it. By the time you come home, you’re probably already tired from stewing in that negative atmosphere. Maybe it makes you sick to your stomach or overwhelmed by headaches. Does this sound familiar?

The truth is no one can stop criticisms from forming in any direction. You can, however, stop how we receive them. Instead of magnifying any bit of negativity that arrives in your life, why not embrace positivity instead? When negativity is left unchecked, that can affect your behavior, your decision-making, your relationships, your job, and so on. That’s why it’s important to work towards being positive, instead of being negative.

Of course, positives and negatives affect the human psyche. However, negativity can overwhelm a person to the point where he or she feels helpless to do something about it. Negativity can come from anything, anywhere, when someone:

• Remembers being insulted by either a random person, or by someone they know

• Has flashbacks of a traumatic experience

• Is more apt to react strongly to the negatives more than the positives

• Has long thought sessions that are negative, rather than having long one for positives

If these instances sound like you, then here is some good news: There IS something that you can do about negativity. In this essential guide, we’ll show you a few ways to overcome negative bias with a good dose of positivity and mindfulness. Read on! 

Practice Self-Awareness

First, give yourself a pep talk. That means challenging the negative self-talk that might be interfering with your day. This allows you to practice self-awareness, and be more apt to silence the negative self-talk. How?

First and foremost, you’ll need to recognize any thoughts that might resemble negative self-talk. Hint: What thoughts are making you doubt yourself? What thoughts are labeling you with mean names? 

Also, look at your behavior. How are you feeling right now? If you’re experiencing a negative emotion, how can you change it?

Once you answer these types of questions, you can challenge the negative self-talk by replacing them with more useful and positive ones.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is another way to tackle negative bias. In fact, this practice allows you to pay more attention to your emotions, and respond to them in more positive ways. 

Normally, mindfulness practices consist of some – or all – of the following:

• Reflection

• Guided meditations

• Other mindfulness interventions

By practicing mindfulness, you be able to learn more about your thoughts and feelings, and what you can do about them.

Restructure Your Cognition

Negative biases don’t just affect the emotions; they also affect your brain. According to FabFitFun, negativity raises cortisol levels. Cortisol is a stress hormone that can wreak havoc in the brain, thus affecting your mood. Also linked to depression and anxiety, negativity can only make things worse if you suffer from any psychological disorder.

If this sounds like you, then it’s time to restructure the cognitive. How? By catching yourself every time you’re feeling negative about a situation. In other words, find a way to “restructure” – or reframe – that situation. Look at everything in the situation: the people, the event, etc.

Embrace Positivity

Finally, it’s time to embrace positivity. (You heard right! EMBRACE POSITIVITY!) 

When you take the time to take in positivity, not only are you savoring the moment, but you’re also creating an experience that you can reflect to, whenever you’re feeling down. You can do this by:

• Focusing on positive mental images and feelings

• Engaging in good sensations

• Engaging in happy thoughts

• Embracing good emotions

By doing the above activities, you’ll be able to keep negative bias at bay, and go about your business. 

Conclusion

So, now that you know how to better combat negative thoughts, feelings, etc., why not put these practices into good use today? Who knows? You might feel better after a while. Keep in mind: You deserve to be happy! Stay positive!

Lauren Groff is a writer and editor at  Assignment Help and Essayroo based in Richmond, Virginia.

As a mental health writer, she specializes in psychology, depression, and positivity practices.

In her spare time, she practices yoga and mindfulness.

Why Is It So Hard To Ask For Help When Facing Psychological Distress?

Photo by Nathan McDine

And why is it even harder for men?

I was recently watching an online event organized by MAYDAY! M’AIDER!, a new French-Canadian online community that focuses on opening the dialogue on mental health and breaking the isolation. What was unique about this event called “Les Boys'' was the guest-speaker line-up which was solely composed of men. All middle aged (or so) entrepreneur businessmen openly sharing about their journey through mental health challenges, recovery and public disclosure. The format resembled sport commentators casually discussing during a hockey game intermission. One interesting question raised by the host JF Lacasse was: why is it so hard, especially for men, to talk about their psychological and emotional challenges, and ask for help? 

So, I started wondering: is gender really influencing how close a person is to their emotions? How much is true? Why would men hide their psychological challenges more than women? A quick survey among the mental wellness online communities I’m involved with showed that, among all of their followers, about 75% are females. Why is that so? Where are the males? On the other hand, as a peer specialist, I have noticed that in hospital or peer support group settings, men are overrepresented. Are males much more afraid of disclosure than females, hence avoiding public platforms? Is this just the everlasting gender stereotype carrying on?

By collecting peers’ perspectives, looking at research and drawing from my personal and professional experience (and as a man), I wanted to share some findings on what could lead to one’s silence and isolation when faced with mental health challenges. Of course, everyone’s experience is unique and different, but these are the most common themes I have observed: 

1.What the data is telling us about gender stereotypes

According to the World Health Organization (WHO)

• “Only 2 in every 5 people (all genders) seek assistance in the year of the onset of their mental health struggles”. Despite gender, this is way too low! We must change that through awareness, education and stigma reduction.

• “Women predominate in the rates of common conditions such as anxiety and depression (twice as much and more persistent than men). Socioeconomic determinants, violence, social position and inequality are among the drivers behind those higher rates”. This piece of data could support the much higher percentage of women joining online mental health support communities, for example.

• “Doctors are more likely to diagnose depression in women compared with men. Female gender is a significant predictor of being prescribed mood-altering psychotropic drugs”. Unbelievable! What a sad stereotype that still lingers on. Asking questions, clarifications and justifications to your doctor about their diagnosis and proposed treatment path can help fighting this stereotype and getting proper support. Speak up, it is your experience, your health.

• “Women are more likely to seek help from and disclose mental health problems to their primary health care physician while men are more likely to seek specialist mental health care and are the principal users of inpatient care”. This confirms what we - peer specialists - observe in the field. One explanation could be that men seem to wait longer than women to seek help and when they do, their condition has worsened, or they are in crisis. I’m a living example of that. The only two occasions I went to the hospital for my mental health challenges were 1) generalized anxiety with panic disorder and 2) severe depression with psychotic events and suicide attempt. 

• “Men are more likely than women to disclose problems with alcohol use to their health care provider”. There is light on the end of the tunnel. Keep opening up men!

• “Gender stereotypes regarding proneness to emotional problems in women and alcohol problems in men, appear to reinforce social stigma and constrain help seeking along stereotypical lines. They are a barrier to the accurate identification and treatment of psychological conditions”. It is so important that we all fight the gender stereotypes and break the mental health stigma. Speak up about your experience, concerns and needs.

2. What our parents have been telling us: shake it off!

The way we’ve been raised and our role-models’ behavior definitely influenced our own perceptions, narrative and thinking patterns. One of the best examples is the anti-self-compassion/anti-empathy phrase: “stop whining, pull yourself together and carry on”. As a kid, when I would hurt myself running up the stairs, my father would tell me to go faster the next time. He wasn’t a bad father. Almost every peer I talk to can relate to that way of thinking and living. It is most likely a heritage from their parents, grand-parents and probably all the way back to the first human beings obliged to live in survival/doing mode. Focusing on duties, working hard from dusk until dawn, not asking themselves too many questions, praying, and repeating this pattern day after day seemed the way to go. Another similar saying is “boys and big girls don’t cry”. Wow, what a great way to invalidate and dismiss a kid’s feelings and experience. Just because we aren’t comfortable dealing with difficult emotions? Despite all efforts to push the “bad stuff” away, it always comes back at some point, psychologically and/or physically.

3. What culture and society are telling us about masculinity

Some say men have lost their masculinity, that “men aren’t men anymore”. Well, men won’t have much chance to be “real” men if they end up dead, not being able and comfortable to express their emotions and experience. I know, I was one of them: not macho but all the rest. Behind their beards, muscles, loud voices or nasty language, the highly insecure macho men are still holding on strong to their sole family provider and protector role. In addition, shame infiltrates their own narrative: “how can I even feel these emotions? I’m stronger than that. How can I show soft emotions like sadness or fear and still be the rock I must be for my wife, my family, my friends and for society? That whole cover up always made me sad and concerned for both women and men, as it shadows all the rest, the real stuff.

4. What we tell ourselves about our reality

I will always remember standing in the lobby of our house, my wife with the phone in her hands ready to call 911 and never felt that scared in my whole life. I was in full panic mode, seven months into a major depression, anxiety disorder and fighting for survival. I was absolutely convinced that if she made that called, the police would force my admission into a psychiatric hospital where I would be locked up for the rest of my life. Losing everything, including myself.

Another major fear many peers (men and women) have shared with me is making a career suicide the moment they disclose their mental health struggles or seek help. What would their boss, their organization, their employees think? How can they come back from this? And if they come back, will everyone be judgmental and doubting their ability to carry-on work as usual? Will their employer terminate their job? Will they be able to find work somewhere else or at all? Will they be labeled as weak, ill, unfit? While these are all legitimate questions and fears while mentally struggling, it is the depression and/or the anxiety talking. Most of the time, those apocalyptic scenarios don’t occur, on the contrary. That’s what happened to me i.e., colleagues and bosses showed compassion and support. Some even opened up and shared their own experience with mental health challenges.

5. What we are not taught to understand

Often my wife reminds me to express my emotions: “just say it, say what you’re feeling inside”. Many times, I am clueless about what the emotion is, what is the name of what I’m experiencing? It’s not that I’m ashamed or too proud, I just don’t know, and I don’t want to say the wrong thing that could scare off my wife or family. What I’ve learned is to at least say something, try and correct as needed. Sometimes the words coming out are too intense compared to what I’m really feeling but it’s a start, it opens up the conversation which is a major initial step toward getting help.

6. What we think when suffering “alone”

In both men and women, thinking that you must be the only one to feel this way, especially when working in a high performing environment, is very common. Thoughts like: “everybody else seems just fine, they are pushing through”, “no one is complaining”, “others have so much more responsibilities and bigger problems” are simply negative and unproductive. But then, as soon as you start sharing with people around you, you find out that you’re not alone, that most people are also struggling, and they truly understand what you are going through. That precise moment when you find your peers is a bliss and feels so liberating. Go and find peers within your friends, family members, colleagues or join a peer support group in your community or online. It will transform you and your recovery journey.

How to help ourselves and someone in need

Above stereotypes and whether you are a male, female, non binary, you are a human being that may need support. So please, do ask for help. And for family members, loved ones, friends, colleagues, please start the conversation by asking the person who struggles: “how are you feeling, really?”, “what are you thinking about?”, “what are your fears?”, “how can I help?”, “what kind of support do you need right now?”. I know it will sound counterintuitive but try not to find solutions, just listen actively, genuinely and fully. Just be there for the person. Keep in mind that for a person in crisis, any task may seem huge and impossible to achieve, especially finding resources and seeking for help. I remember that for me trying to find a therapist was so hard, complicated and exhausting. So, offering to accompany the person in their search or to attend a peer support group or professional therapy goes a long way. That is pure peer support. Anyone can do it and save a life.

Born and raised in Quebec City, Pat G (Patrice) spent several years in the medical industry, overcame burnout, then moved to Boston where he experienced severe mental health challenges that almost took his life. His recovery journey took him through self-discovery and a career shift. He became a Certified Peer Specialist and highly engaged in humanizing mental health through education and awareness.

Over a year ago, Pat pursued his dream to move to California where he joined the California Association for Mental Health Peer-Run Organizations (CAMHPRO) to take care of communications and to facilitate state advocacy workgroups and peer education webinars. He also volunteers with NAMI and participates in various writing and speaking engagements.

More recently, Pat founded and launched Human Experience Peer Consultant, a platform to share his own recovery journey, resources and offers a unique perspective when it comes to mental wellness education in the workplace. He loves to connect and collaborate with Peers doing unique, innovative and human-focused work in the mental wellness field.

How to Help Your Elderly Parents or Grandparents During Lockdown

Gloucester, England, where the author lives.

I live in Gloucester, England, where COVID lockdowns have happened in two waves. Lockdown 1.0 had catastrophic effects on all of our mental health, but it was clear that the elderly suffered more than most. Older people are more susceptible to the disease, so many were forced to shield for months and some didn’t have social contact throughout that time. The, the decision to go back into lockdown this year, caused many older people to fear the worst. While there is some light at the end of the tunnel in the form of vaccinations, it still seems like respite is a long way away.  In some ways, Lockdown 2.0 feels even more isolating than the previous one: the winter weather makes it difficult to get outside for fresh air and the darker days are preventing our serotonin levels from topping up.

Furthermore, people living in rural areas appear to be quite hard hit. With my grandparents living in a rural area, they particularly have been feeling the effects of this lockdown. While they are certainly not short of local walks to prevent their day from feeling too repetitive, they are still struggling from the lack of amenities open. In contrast, most cities are still filled with coffee shops and cafes offering take out or more shops that have been deemed as essential. Many rural areas have not been so lucky in this sense, meaning that they feel even more cut off from the rest of the world. 

If you’ve noticed that your parents or elderly loved ones are struggling to keep their spirits up during this lockdown, I’ve pulled together some mood-boosting tips that have helped me with my grandparents to help perk them up until we ride out this wave together.

I made sure my grandparents were eating well.

A full belly and healthy, nutritious meals go a long way in boosting our mood. Even in normal times, the elderly can often struggle with tasks such as shopping as it involves traveling to the shops and carrying heavy bags of shopping. During the pandemic the strain of this task is multiplied, with fears of coming into contact with COVID, overcrowding and low supplies due to panic buyers being high on the list of concerns. There are also fewer public transport options, cold weather and icy roads to think about presently. If your elderly parents or grandparents are like mine, they may be too anxious to make a trip to the shops and therefore not feeding themselves very well. 

We’re lucky enough to have access to a whole host of technologies that prevent your loved ones needing to leave the house to fetch supplies. Boost their mood by organizing a food shop to be delivered to their house. (You could also use food delivery services, such as Blue Apron, to get a hot meal delivered to their door.)

Experts advise you to buy “long-life food such as frozen ready meals, tinned vegetables and dry pasta are very easy to prepare into a nutritious meal. Items such as chickpeas, lentils, pulses and frozen fish are full of nutritious proteins to help maintain muscle strength, which is especially important if they are unable to move around as often as they’d like.”

And don’t forget to include little surprises for your loved ones. Growing up, my nan always made us cakes and treats ready for when we’d visit on the weekend. Now she’s baking less than before, being reminded of the fact that her family are not there to try her creations. So my Aunt – who does not live far from her – has been baking on an almost weekly basis and dropping them off on her doorstep. My nan has been elated with each one. 

The food doesn’t need to be fancy—just warm and filled with love.

Your gesture will not only ensure that your loved one has enough provisions to live well, but they’ll appreciate that you were thinking of them - this can be hugely uplifting for a person who is shielding or struggling with social distancing. If you’d like to bake for your grandparents, parents, or even friends, there are some great recipes over on BBC Good Food.

I made sure my grandparents were getting fresh air.

While your loved one may not be comfortable or able to go for daily walks, it’s still important that they get fresh air. Studies have shown time and time again that fresh air increases the amount of oxygen flow to the brain which increases cognitive function and helps the brain heal.  Encourage your elderly loved one to open all their windows (make sure they wrap up warm first!) for at least 5 minutes a day to blow away the cobwebs and give their brain a bit of a refresh. 

Luckily, my grandparents love going on their daily walks, and living near a forest, they’re certainly not short of selection. But others have not been so lucky. In more urban areas, the walks can be quite limited, and because of the larger populations, they’re usually crowded and harder to social distance. With the government’s advice still instructing us to stay local, many may be bored or anxious about walking in crowded areas. 

If this is the case, try and schedule early morning or late evening walks with them, especially now that we’re moving into spring and the days are starting to lengthen. Offer to accompany them if they’re feeling nervous – just remember to maintain social distancing.  

I make social contact a daily occurrence.

The younger generations are used to being in constant communication with each other as we harness technology to keep in touch. Your elderly may not have the tech capabilities to use video call facilities or even text so unless your parent is supported by care, there could be days or weeks where they don’t speak to another person. Loneliness is a silent killer so you’ll need to take additional steps to ensure your parent is getting enough social contact. Call them every day, make a habit of sitting down at the same time with a cup of tea each and having a chat. It will be the highlight of their day. Go one step further and encourage your other family members to do the same.

If you’re finding it hard to think of things to talk about, what with so little going on in our lives right now, try mixing it up with weekly virtual games. My family and I have been taking it in turns to host a quiz via Facebook Messenger during each lockdown, each week coming up with a new theme. We announce the theme at the start of the week so everyone has a chance to revise the topic if they do not know much about it. This could also be a good way to give your elderly parents something to do throughout the week, as they can read up on a topic, and then plan a quiz when it is their turn.

You may run out of theme ideas pretty quickly, so here’s a few out-of-the-box ones that my family and I have done:

• Find photos of your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. from when they were younger (e.g., school photos, teenage years) and get the younger family members to guess who’s who.

• Play the introduction of a song, and everyone has to guess what it is before the singer starts.

• Try school subjects, like History, English, Biology, find some old exam papers from a year or so ago and get everyone to see if they can answer correctly.

• Recipes – take traditional/popular recipes of favourite meals, read out the ingredients, and see if everyone can guess what the recipe is for.

If quizzes aren’t your thing, you can also try virtual PowerPoint night (make a PowerPoint on the most random topic you can think of) or games that can be played over video call, like charades. 

I always try to keep my grandparents busy.

Mental health is just as important as physical health and your loved one may be struggling to keep their spirits up during the long, dark winter nights. Make sure they have plenty of activities to keep them busy - send them jigsaws, puzzle books, knitting supplies, CDs, books and any other hobby that can keep their mind focused and their hands busy. 

My sister and I recently bought our grandparents colour by numbers sets, which they’re extremely happy with. They’ve told us that they’ve been spending their afternoons painting while listening to music and sipping on cups of tea! Activities such as this allow them to be creative and they can reminisce about when they would do these activities while they were younger. 

Most importantly, I try to provide reassurance.

This can be a scary and lonely time for the elderly. Remind them frequently that better days are coming and that the vaccinations are now providing us with a very real end goal. Make future plans for when you can see each other once again - visiting their favourite restaurant, going on holidays, having BBQs, birthday parties and christmases together. Having something to look forward to will reassure them that this is a temporary situation.

Meghan Taylor is an emerging freelance writer dedicated to topics related to elderly care, mental health, and family dynamics. After seeing the impact the pandemic has had on the country, Meghan wrote this piece to help others try and get through lockdown, and spread a little happiness in someone's life. When she isn't writing, she can be found curled on the sofa, book and coffee in hand.

Spot Your Thought Patterns Through Radical Honesty Journaling

Photo by Kat Stokes

Many of us struggle with self-awareness and self-love. We’re capable of helping others, understanding their problems, and providing support, but when it comes to our own issues, we have a hard time doing the same. We’re unable to recognize or analyze our behavior objectively.

The truth is many of us are forced into repetitive patterns we believe are an innate part of us. Just because we’re repeating some action, usually unwanted ones, doesn’t mean they’re who we are. Our perceptions of the world are hypotheses based on past experiences and stored information. By employing pattern recognition in our daily lives, we can unlock more of our potential and help ourselves grow. One of the best ways to recognize and deal with our own patterns is through writing a radical honesty journal.

Below, you'll find everything you need to know about uncovering your thought patterns through radical honesty journaling.

Tuning in to your thoughts via pattern recognition

It’s important to understand what exactly pattern recognition is and how it can influence your mental health and overall well-being. Pattern recognition refers to a process of inputting stimulating (pattern) information and matching with the information in long-term memory, then recognizing the category which the stimulation belongs to.

It might sound a bit confusing, so we’re going to break it down and put it simply:

1. A person receives a piece of information from their environment.

2. It could be an event, a sound, or something visual.

3. This information enters the short-term memory

4. It automatically triggers and activates some matching information from the long-term memory

That means that pattern recognition is about responding to certain stimuli based on human's available knowledge and experience. (Wang Shugen (2002)

Here’s a simple example: Last year something great happened to you while the radio was playing a specific song you remembered. Every time you hear that song, you automatically feel happy and content.

But, pattern recognition isn't always a good thing. It can have negative effects on our mental health.

How can pattern recognition change our perspective?

Following patterns that are not good for us is something we need to recognize and stop from happening. You don’t want to be stuck in a repetitive cycle that’s doing you harm.

This is why you need to learn how to recognize those patterns and decide whether or not they’re good for you. We need help with pattern recognition in order to:

• understand our potentially harmful behavior

• find a pattern that leads to a negative outcome

• free ourselves from patterns that are not good for us

Here's an example: You’re feeling depressed because you didn’t go through with a business idea you had. As you step back and analyze your patterns, you realize this is because you always discourage yourself in such situations and allow for negative self-talk.

Pattern recognition is about connecting your past with your present. If you do it right, you might have a better understanding of why you feel a certain way or why you do certain things.

In the long run, this can help you become more confident, self-loving, and productive.

What is Radical Honesty Journaling?

As we’ve already mentioned, honesty journaling is an effective tool for establishing pattern recognition and learning about self-improvement opportunities. But, what exactly is honesty journaling?

Honesty journaling is a process in which you write down your daily impressions like:

• how you feel

• emotions you felt at a certain moment

• events that meant something to you

• your ideas

• your plans and goals

• your fears and insecurities

It’s called an honesty journal because you’re supposed to be completely honest with yourself. That means there’s no room for:

• censorship

• questioning your journal entries

•  overthinking every word

Instead, you’re just supposed to write the first thing that comes to your mind without worrying about being judged or embarrassing yourself. This is why honesty journaling truly manages to get to you and dig up your deepest but most truthful emotions and ideas. This is just you talking to yourself honestly and without any limitations.

How  Radical Honesty Journaling Helps With Pattern Recognition

There are several ways in which radical honesty journaling is good for pattern recognition, helping you recognize the repetitive cycles you’re in and find a way to deal with them.

It helps you record what’s happened.

For you to be able to recognize your patterns, you need to keep track of your actions and emotions. This is the only way for you to understand what’s happening.

Honesty journaling is something you should do regularly. This way, you’ll be:

• writing new entries regularly

• writing down everything that matters

• keeping track of your progress over time

Keeping it all documented and organized will help you analyze it and draw conclusions.

It keeps you honest.

The whole point of writing this journal is for you to be 100% honest. This would be impossible if you were talking to a friend or a family member.

Honesty journaling is your safe place that no one but you is allowed in. That’s what will make you expose yourself completely and allow yourself to truly understand what’s going on inside of you.

It brings forth new ideas.

When you're writing your honesty journal, you're not thinking in advance. You're not planning every word or trying to make it all aesthetically on-point.

You’re just writing as things come to your mind.

This stream of consciousness method is what reveals your deepest secrets and creates a window into your personality and emotions.

It gives you a new perspective.

As you write in your journal, you’re collecting data about yourself. You’re able to take a step back and go through your writing.

As you’re reading, you’ll be able to recognize:

• behavior patterns

• emotional patterns

• major issues

• your triggers

You’ll be able to learn from this personal overview and draw conclusions about why you’re acting or feeling a certain way. That means that radical honesty journaling helps you with pattern recognition and allows you to understand yourself better.

Ultimately, it helps you resolve issues.

As you begin to recognize your patterns, especially the negative ones, you'll also begin to realize how to get rid of them. Understanding is the first step toward resolving. 

You’ll be able to learn about:

• substituting negative self-talk with positive affirmations

• discontinuing negative patterns

• introducing healthy changes

• loving yourself more

Pattern recognition is crucial for building a positive self-image and making conscious, right decisions that are good for you, your mental and physical health. 

Final Thoughts

As you can see, radical honesty journaling is the ultimate tool for learning about yourself and recognizing your repetitive cycles. It can help you with pattern recognition and allow you to work on self-love and confidence.

Hopefully, the information provided in this article helped you understand the importance of radical honesty journaling for proper thought pattern recognition.

---

Dorian Martin is a professional writer and editor. He primarily works as an essay writer, helping students get into the college of their dreams. He also runs his personal blog, where he shares tips on digital marketing, entrepreneurship and success.