When Do Most People Experience Anxiety During the Day?

I’ve begun to ask questions about anxiety on the Instagram Beautiful Voyager channel, and the results are eye-opening. Here is a recent question I asked my fellow beautiful voyagers:

I really wanted to know how my experience differed from others, so I asked…

I knew my own anxiety really well, and knew that it tended to hit in morning hard. I started this thread by sharing my own experience:

Yep. My anxiety spikes in the morning. Is that because of my lowered cortisol levels in the morning?

But I wasn’t posting to learn more about myself. I was posting to learn more about others. What were they experiencing? When did their anxiety hit? The answers began to roll in.

Bedtime, I found, was a common theme.

This response came in from a fellow BV in London, England. He knows his anxiety well.

Another vote for bedtime. Since I love bedtime, this is a big eye-opener for me.

Another vote for nighttime. I definitely feel this too. Do you? I hate a 2 AM wakeup.

I find it fascinating that so many people are mentioning bedtime on this thread. It’s made me ask people about their experience in real life, too. And guess what? Bedtime is a very common time when people experience anxiety. As a matter of fact, I haven’t talked to anyone yet who has morning anxiety the way I do. I’m sure they’re out there, though.

So there you have it. Many of us experience anxiety at different times of the day. It may be morning for me, but for others, it’s definitely bedtime. And those of us who have trouble sleeping will testify to the anxiety symptoms that happen in the middle of the night.

What about you? When do you experience anxiety? Share your experience in the comments.

How to Know If Your Child Is Dealing with Anxiety

Searching for trends is confusing when every day brings its own ups and downs.

It can be hard to spot a mental health problem among typical everyday anxieties.

If you think of a child, you typically think of silly and playful. They can say the weirdest things and operate without a care in the world. But children can also be hyper and wound-up, afraid of the monster under the bed or other “irrational” things (to our adult minds).

Everyone gets anxious, including children. As a parent, it can be difficult to know whether your child’s behavior is a normal part of development, a personality quirk, or a sign of something more serious. What’s the difference between a passing phase and a real problem? If your child is displaying worrisome signs, are they hinting at an anxiety issue?

Anxiety in Children

Here’s something that may surprise you:

Anxiety is the most common psychiatric disorder among children. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 31.9% of children have an anxiety disorder. Girls are more likely to have anxiety than boys.

By definition, anxiety is excessive fear or worry. It may have no apparent “trigger” and manifest as a general uneasiness (generalized anxiety disorder) or a very clear one, such as being in public or interacting with people (social anxiety disorder).

Whatever the specific diagnosis, anxiety disorders have some similar calling cards, such as

• Difficulty sleeping

• Not wanting to eat or eating way too much

• Persistent nausea, headaches, unexplained sickness

• Refusing to go to school, birthday parties, sleepovers

• Avoidance of certain things such as places or situations

• Being high-strung, jittery, or jumpy- like they are wound too tight

• Intense fear about certain things or situations

• Excessive worry about school, friends, family, etc.

Parents spend a lot of time with their children and often know them best. While it may not always be clear anxiety is at play, monitoring changes in your child’s behavior and mood can help catch signs something isn’t normal.

Problems at School

Children spend a lot of their time at school, so it makes sense that mental health problems would manifest in the academic environment.

Anxious children may complain they do not feel well right before the school bus arrives. Almost immediately after a parent makes the decision to let them stay home, their symptoms miraculously disappear, only to come back the next morning.

If your child frequently complains of nausea or asks to see the school nurse and no physical reason is found, this may indicate a mental health problem like anxiety.

In addition to refusing to go to school, which usually happens during a transition like entering middle school, children with anxiety may also get poor grades in school. They may have anxiety when it is time to take a test or trouble focusing on their work.

Since anxiety is commonly manifested at school, talking to teachers and administrators about your child’s behavior can alert you to a potential mental health issue.

Traumatic Events

The idea that children are resilient and good at “bouncing back” from traumatic events is an antiquated one, as research through the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study and others show trauma has lasting effects on a child’s brain. Although some children may respond appropriately to trauma, such as a divorce, death, bullying, etc., others may experience lasting behavioral changes that can manifest as anxiety. If your child has experienced a traumatizing event and is showing signs of distress, it may indicate a deeper mental health issue that needs addressed.

What to Do If You Think Your Child Might Have Anxiety

1. Talk to Your Kids.

A mother we’ll call Amanda, has a 12-year-old child with anxiety, shares her journey to help other parents. She encourages parents to begin talking to their children about mental health when they are young.  

“Talk about how they respond to their own emotions and build awareness of these responses, at age-appropriate levels,” she says, “Begin a mental-health conversation with your kids as early as possible so that there is never any fear or confusion about them coming to you to discuss what's going on in their brains, no matter how big or small.”

2. Ask Yourself These Questions.

This study through the University of British Columbia found just two questions were effective at determining whether a child is struggling with anxiety. These questions are “Is my child more shy or anxious than other children his or her age?” and “Is my child more worried than other children his or her age?”

Although it’s never fun to play the comparison game, this is one comparison that could help you draw the line between behavior that is no big deal and that suggesting anxiety.

In addition to asking yourself this, don’t be afraid to ask your child questions about their mental state. “Ask clinical questions, the same way you might if your kid has a cold,” Amanda advises parents. Answers to questions about how they feel, what events are happening in their lives, how they are sleeping, etc., can be compared with what you are seeing as a parent to determine if help is needed.

3. Normalize Feelings.

Encourage your child to express their feelings, whether good or bad, happy or sad. Assure them it is okay to feel what they are feeling. This is especially critical for young boys, who are often told to repress their feelings.

“Normalizing helps people put their concerns in perspective. Feeling like they are the only person in the world to have a problem is an isolating, shameful feeling,” psychologist David Nathan says.

The more a child is able to freely express their feelings without fear of how a parent will respond, the more likely they will be to tell you if they have feelings that alarm them, such as anxiety.

4. Assume there is a Clear Reason.

It can be tempting to brush off mood or behavior changes as directly related to something happening in your child’s life, such as school stress or issues with friends. By doing this, though, you are telling your child their anxiety must have a rational explanation and those who struggle with anxiety know this is not true.

“Don't try to force a "reason" for a sudden personality change if you see your child is not doing well,” mother Amanda says.

Real Life Example #1

Amanda’s child came home from school one day and told her he felt a weird feeling again that day during class. He described feeling afraid to get up from his chair, afraid to turn around or something "bad" might happen. She began to ask him questions about the experience and found out this feeling lasted the entire class and there was noting that happened before class like confrontation with a bully that could be the cause of this anxiety. "Did you understand, while it was happening, that it was unusual or not rational?” He replied yes, but that he still couldn’t help the feeling or get it to go away. "Okay, sweetie. Thank you for telling me about this symptom,” she said, “I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but glad it went away."

Real Life Example #2

As a child, Lisa* always had trouble sleeping. Throughout the night, she would continually check the clock for the time and worry over not having enough sleep for school the next morning. Her worry got to the point she would become nauseous and wake up her parents. They didn’t understand why she felt sick every night. She also worried about not being able to sleep when going to sleepovers and would feel so sick her parents had to pick her up. It felt out of her control.

Answering: “Is it Just a Phase?”

It’s no secret children go through phases. One day they may be obsessed with dinosaurs and the next, airplanes. These obsessions are fairly harmless and tend to pass, but sometimes what initially seems like “just a phase” may continue month after month and harm your child’s ability to live every day.

The real indicator of a mental health issue is if it persists and impacts a person’s ability to function and do what they want to do. For example, if your child insists on avoiding play dates for months and it is impacting her friendships and self-confidence, anxiety may be a root cause.

Getting help

The sad reality of children and adolescents living with anxiety is the majority go without getting relief from their symptoms for long periods of time.

A stunning 80% of children with an anxiety disorder don’t receive any treatment, according to a report by the Child Mind Institute. It takes the average child ten years to receive help after their symptoms first appear.

There are many reasons for this, including the negative perception of having a mental health problem. Both child and parent may be understandably wary of the “anxiety” label, so they try to wait it out, believing symptoms will go away on their own.

For Amanda, prior experience with a family member and recognized her child needed help. “Just like if your child had a virus or some painful "physical" issue happening that needed attention, you would not delay a moment to help them find health and comfort immediately.”

If you’re unsure whether your child is dealing with anxiety, it’s always best to air on the side of caution and reach out to a professional who can look at all of the symptoms as a whole. Sometimes a third-party, educated viewpoint is helpful to determine if there is cause for concern.

However you get to the decision to get help for your child, let them know you are on their team. “Assure your child you are working with them to make them feel better and well as soon as you can. Let them know that helping them feel better is critically important and every step you are taking with them is about alleviating their symptoms,” Amanda advises.

Do you have a child with anxiety? Was there a moment you realized their behavior wasn’t “just a phase?” Share your experience to help others!

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Rachel Gearinger has her Master’s in Public Health from Ohio State University. She spent two years at the National Alliance of Mental Illness as the Helpline Coordinator before becoming the Associate Director at Ohio Adult Care Facilities. 

The Beautiful Voyager sells useful products in order to be able to pay writers like Rachel to cover important, under-reported topics like this one. Donate to keep this work going.

Is Anxiety Affecting Your Skin?

In a new field called psychodermatology, doctors are exploring the connection between anxiety and the skin.

If you’ve ever had a sudden bout of eczema bloom on your arms or legs while working on a big work presentation or studying for exams, you may already know that anxiety and skin disorders can create a vicious circle. These days, the medical doctors who research topical skin disorders and research the space where psychology and dermatology overlap is called psychodermatology.

Psychodermatology covers a wide range of issues. From “flare-up” issues like psoriasis or acne vulgaris, which are exacerbated by stress, to “self-injury” issues like factitial dermatitis, where people are actually creating lesions on their skin from picking at it, the medical world is just beginning to unravel the connection between skin disorders and anxiety. Is stress causing your skin to flare up? If so, are these flare-ups adding to your anxiety? Here’s what studies show. 

The Body’s Largest Organ

Skin, the body’s largest, fastest-growing, and most visible organ, can signal what’s happening with our nervous systems, our internal bodies. It’s a bit of a revolutionary thought, and it’s not how dermatology, focused solely on the external visible condition, has functioned in the past. For this reason, the field of psychodermatology is a bit controversial.

Patients with skin problems who often drift from one doctor to the next in search of an effective remedy. For the most part this is due to the disparity between treatment approaches and a general misunderstanding of the underlying medical conditions among health professionals.

While cross-collaborations and knowledge of alternative treatment options are gaining traction among psychologists, general practitioners, and dermatologists, this is far from being the norm.

Starting with Diagnosis

Many conditions can be helped with a psychodermatological approach including:

• Psoriasis

• Prurigo

• Urticaria

• Lichen simplex

• Rosacea

• Hyperhidrosis or excessive sweating

• Seborrheic dermatitis

• Eczema

• Aphthosis

• Hives

• Acne

• Skin allergies

• Hair loss

Although criticism of the approach focuses on its lack of corroborating data, anecdotal evidence shows that psychodermatology is proving to be highly beneficial for patients who would otherwise continue to struggle with a seemingly incurable condition, in part because it helps address self-image issues that go hand-in-hand with skin disorders.

Self-Image Issues

The emotional effects of skin disorders are similar to the disorders of self-image spawned from the lack of positive nurturing during childhood. The pervasive nature of skin disorders often produces neurotic symptoms, depression and hostile personality traits in the patient. They can exacerbate pre-existing feelings, like sensitivity to the attitudes of society or anticipation of rejection. Incidentally, there happens to be a higher prevalence of these simultaneous medical conditions among female dermatological patients, widows and widowers.

The psychological stress of low self-steem can be sufficient to upset the permeability of the epidermal barrier, thus disrupting homeostasis, which causes some inflammatory skin disorders. Inflammatory skin diseases caused by psychiatric conditions act on the body’s neuro-immuno-cutaneous system (NICS), which is responsible for interactions between the nervous system, the body’s natural immune system, and the skin. Over a third of dermatology patients are treated through this complex interplay of the neuroendocrine and immune systems.

Chicken and Egg

Which is the trigger, the skin disease or the anxiety? A person dealing with acne is likely to have more emotional stress due to their appearance and thus, the added stress makes the existing acne persist. Studies have shown that young people with acne are at increased risk of depression, anxiety and suicide attempts. It can become a vicious cycle where the psychological response symptoms further exacerbate the skin disorder. Since we can’t always answer the chicken or egg dilemma, it’s important to find relaxation techniques and medications that will help with daily stress management. Here are some places to begin:

• Biofeedback

• Meditation

• Breathing

• Hypnosis-induced relaxation

• Behavioural techniques

• Operant conditioning

• Affirmation

• Guided imagery

• Progressive muscle relaxation

• Symptom-control imagery training

• Antidepressants

 Therapeutic goals in the treatment of psychodermatologic diseases include reducing symptoms, improving sleep, and managing the various psychiatric symptoms like social embarrassment and withdrawal, along with the associated anxiety and anger.

Psychodermatologists see skin from both a biological and a psychosocial perspective. In learning how the mind and body respond to emotional and environmental stressors, practitioners are able to help moderate those responses.

Only with increased understanding will these issues and approaches between primary care physicians, psychiatric practitioners and dermatologists be beneficial.

Hippocrates, the father of medicine, said, "Who has the disease is as important as the disease they have." By delving into the personal history of a person’s aspirations and disappointments, family dynamics and childhood issues, it’s possible to identify the emotional switch or triggers that turn on the symptoms of skin diseases. 

Hayley Sloan is a medical writer for The Breslow Center in Paramus, New Jersey.

When Fame Comes Early and Anxiety Follows

I did not want to be “that child star” for the rest of my life.

One thing that scares me the most is talking about myself. How much is too much? And how less is not enough? Will they judge? Will they be shocked? Do they even want to know?

Some important background: As a child, I was an actor on a popular TV series in India. I grew up on the TV. The camera and books were my best friends. Born to extremely humble and “normal — middle class” parents, me being on TV was a big thing. Some people in my family appreciated and acknowledged what I was doing, but most didn’t, so it was just the three of us through it all. I went to a decent school, got good grades but school was just something I did apart from my work.

As a child, I was an actor on a popular TV series in India.

I did not want to be “that child star” for the rest of my life.

Growing up with the world watching you on TV is not easy. They watch your every movie and they follow you everywhere. They want to know what you ate and how much. They want to know where you slept and with whom. While other kids were making friends, pulling pranks on teachers and playing hopscotch during the summer holidays, I was in front of the camera pretending to be a new person everyday and understanding the value of money. No, money was never something my family needed, but an added income always helps right? I bought our first car at 14 and our first own house at 21.

But I did not want to be “that child star” for the rest of my life. I wanted people to know me not just as the characters I played, but for who I am. My relationship with Bollywood was like a mutual break up. I didn’t want to do certain roles, and the industry was more than happy to work with new faces. I went completely awol, not to be seen on social media except for a few pictures from the last photo-shoot, always on the “look how they grew up to be” or “where are these child stars now” lists. I went to college, got an education, started working and doing different things. “Hey, aren’t you that girl from that TV show?” never left me.

Some of the best times I’ve had were on the film sets; some of the most amazing people I’ve met are from the industry. My life was a fairytale, just like my show and it was indeed a dream come true. I still get recognized and it is flattering, but it is also very uncomfortable. Mostly because the image that people have of me is not what I really am. I am in my pajamas all day, messy hair and feeling crappy about myself at all times. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression and I don’t like to be around people. I suck at society. But that’s not what they want to hear.

What It Feels Like Inside

I am a torrent of anxiety, in the pit of disrepair and illustriously bound to the banks of a raging river of ripped up stories, poems, and legends never told. The Vial I hold is filled with vile putrid secrets unbecoming of my own scornful mind. They are not my secrets, not mine alone they are the hidden fears, phobias, and shames of many lucid souls. I pour into the maelstrom of an eternal mystery, the gods of woe, writing, willpower they are laughing and sobbing in a cacophony of screams never ripped from shattered minds.

The Poetry Within

As I bleed synthetic hollow echoes of hallucination from wounds I have not yet received, scars not yet born nor, are these lacerations to live ever, I learn that my carelessness has cornered me into a vale of memory. A ferocious beast, a lion of decrepit despair, and depression roars at me in with rage and pure vengeful power beyond imagination and comprehension.
I am an injured insignificant rat bound to a fetid corner of this malignant prison. It is with this I nearly succumb to fear and boundless possibilities of hells that could await my shell and soul.
The Valkyrie from Voracious Valhalla she comes, with spear of spiritual courage, and shield of healing hope, and the soul of the wolf and its determination to press onward. I was reborn in that moment, the revelations of Renaissances from past, present, and future and far beyond ripped into my body, mind, and soul. Just as a rat will fight when cornered and a wolf when injured even if beyond all hope, it will fight if it still has “teeth”, and I was ready as battle for creation, curiosity, and tempered true love was begun

The war against the lion still rages on this day, though one wolf cannot do it alone, for they hunt and fight in packs, as friends, family, of all sorts rip at the hateful lion of lovers lost, void, and grief. It is a battle fought by many against demons, lions, and despair, and men, women and, even children fight these battles everyday in their own soul and mind. Let the lovers of life win and the hells of malady of mind be subdued and defeated, for we cannot truly kill our “lions” or “demons” but we can subjugate them. To do much though is an uphill battle for many and we all could use a little help….join in the fight.

I am not going to take all the credit for the acting I did, it was a lifetime ago. All these kids that grew up to be actors, they all came after me. They came in the age of YouTube and Netflix, they know what to say and how to dress. Back in the day my mother packed my clothes for the shoot next day. Times have changed and how! I don’t know if I will act again, I might if something interesting comes my way. As a kid, during interviews, when they asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, I always said director or writer or camerawoman. It was anything but acting. Well, only time will tell.

Why “I Beat Anxiety” is a Terrible Title

This is not the right approach for anxiety.

Ditto for “Overcame,” “Conquered,” and “Escaped.”

Because I’ve been working on Beautiful Voyager for the past three years, nearly every day I receive a new trending anxiety article via text or Facebook messenger from a smart, well-read friend or family member. The piece usually looks like this:

Wall Street Journal, April 28, 2017

These headlines always make me groan. I know they are perceived as what will garner clicks, but they just cause more problems for readers. Whether the writers or editors chose the titles, this is often how anxiety articles are packaged.

The problem is: what gets clicks wends its way into hearts and minds. This framing will not help people who actually have anxiety. In fact, it will exacerbate the problem.

Those of us who have anxiety are always looking for answers. We google until our fingers are numb. We read every book we can find. We covertly study. We slyly interview. We believe that if we work hard enough, we will find a way to beat, escape, or conquer anxiety.

Look ma, more muscles!

Alas, all of this trying and searching is only adding to our anxiety. It is part of the problem, not the solution.

There is no path “out of” anxiety. If you have an anxiety disorder, like Andrea and I do, then like us, anxiety will likely be some part of your entire life.

Does this mean that you can’t be happy? No! You can find many ways to feel safe and comfortable with who you are, anxiety and all. But the false promise these headlines are selling in order to get your click — that you can no longer feel the pressure of anxiety if you just read what someone else did to work on theirs — is a lie. And it needs to stop.

Et tu, Psychology Today?

We all need to stand up to click-bait anxiety titles, but this critique is really aimed at my fellow writers.Ask yourself, “Do I really mean what I’m saying when I write ‘beat anxiety’? Or am I just wanting a dopamine hit from getting a bunch of clicks?”

If it’s the latter, then perhaps you, too, need to ride the wave and adjust your expectations.

Tandem surfing was actually a thing in the 60s.

What I want people with anxiety to know: you’re not alone in feeling confused. You don’t need to Arnold the situation to be OK. There are many tactics to try, but since no two anxieties are the same, what worked for others won’t always work for you. Keep experimenting and you will find calmer, happier shores.

And good luck on that wave!

Originally published in April 2017. Updated in September 2018.

Try A CBD-Enhanced Bath

As you can see, the packaging described that it has 60 MG of CBD in it, in addition to magnesium, menthol, and mint. More info about ingredients here.

Last week, Rebecca Jennings of Vox published a story called Fidget Spinners, Weighted Blankets, and the Rise of Anxiety Consumerism. In it, she talks about the Beautiful Voyager origin story. Since the piece came out, there has been a surge in people visiting Beautiful Voyager, but there has also been a surge in the people sending me products to test. Earlier this morning, I tested one of those products, the Migraine/Anxiety CBD Bath Bomb from Antidote + , $29 for 3.

I shared my experience in real time on Instagram, but figured it would be helpful to lay it out here, too, in story form, including my review. Here’s the step-by-step experience. Results below!

Here’s an insight into setup. The bath bombs come with detailed instructions about when to take the bath, and how.

Why I chose to do the review today.

Make your bath hot, not warm, and know that cannabinoids, menthol, and magnesium are the magical combo.

It’s useful to know that you will be taking a leprechaun bath.

Sorry this is vertical. It’s hard to figure out how to make videos work in all settings.

The instructions say you need to hang out in the bath for at least 20 minutes (though the Antidote website suggests soaking for 30 minutes, so maybe the longer the better?).

That was not a problem for me.

The full list of ingredients to the bath bomb: bicarbonate of soda. citric acid. maize starch. epsom salts. organic coconut oil. organic peppermint essential oil. cannabinoid oil blend. food-grade color pigments. 

Review #1: CBD Bath Bomb From Non-Anxious Person (Meredith’s Husband)

At first, I didn’t think it felt very different than a regular bath, though I feel everyone should take my feedback with a grain of salt since I usually question whether CBD does anything for me. I really liked the smell. Over time, though, I noticed that I was more relaxed than usual. How much would I spend for a relaxing good-smelling bath like this? Probably $3-5.

Final thought: At first, I didn’t think I was feeling much, but 15-20 minutes later, I noticed I was feeling very relaxed. If someone gave me this as a gift, I would definitely be happy about it.

Review #2: CBD Bath Bomb From Migraine Sufferer (Meredith)

I took my CBD bath the morning after a migraine, at a moment when I had a lot of neck tension. As I got into the bath, I immediately noticed the menthol smell was soothing and good for my sensitive nose. I also tuned into the feeling of the coconut oil on my skin. It wasn’t just softening, it encouraged muscle release and neck massage. In terms of the CBD, it definitely adds a new tingly sensation to the bath that is helping my body chill out. I always appreciate this kind of feeling. Since I have very physical symptoms to my anxiety, starting with body relaxation is key for me.

It’s been about an hour since I took the bath. I still feel relaxed and calm and ready to tackle my day in a grounded way. I think the key question is: Is this feeling worth a $10 bath bomb? My answer: It depends on how much you are suffering. If more than one person in your house can use the bath at a given time, that helps bring down the price.

Final thought: I initially thought I wouldn’t buy these CBD bath bombs for myself because I’m bad at that kind of indulgence, but just two weeks later, I found myself reordering these bath bombs and giving them away as gifts. If you’re looking for a great present idea for someone like me, this is the way to go.

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What about you? Have you tried a CBD bath bomb? How did it work for you? Let me know!

The Best Career Advice I Ever Got

It’s 5 AM. I woke up earlier than usual this morning, roused by the sound of my dog throwing up. Not the greatest way to meet the day, but luckily, I love her.

Love makes vomit easier to handle.

Speaking of vomit...

Four years ago, I was moving from startup to startup, confused about my future but leaning into the roles I thought others valued. In the middle of the confusion, I had lunch with a wise friend. An artist and actor, she knows how to read people, and she knew me well. I remember we were eating brunch in San Francisco, near the water, a view of the Bay Bridge before us. I was telling her about my latest job:

“I think it will be good. I am in charge of figuring out how to break engineering work into manageable cycles while working with the operations team to make sure our products are aligned with their expectations.”

My friend got a confused look on her face. Her response was immediate and to the point. In a direct and loving way, she said, “Meredith, don’t you think you might need to be a little more creative in your role? I remember how happy you were working on videos in your past job. You loved that.”

I trust Molly. When it comes to creativity, she knows what she's talking about.

It’s incredible how much a single question can affect the course of your life. I thought long and hard about what she said. Over the next couple of years, I slowly righted the ship. I started by building Beautiful Voyager, an experience that reminded me of my core strengths. These days, I’m happy and secure in a creative role at a larger company I love.

There you have it. The advice that wasn’t advice, but a question. I asked the Beautiful Voyager community to share the best advice they’ve ever received. Here’s what one person said:

The best career advice I was ever given was actually through an NPR interview with the founder of Spanx, Sara Blakely.  She advised “whenever you can afford to do so, delegate the things you aren't good at.”

Though this seems like basic business acumen, it was an eye-opener for me.  As a business owner who is also a perfectionistic overachiever and control seeker, the idea of delegating is scary.  Once I accepted myself and chose to trust others, the process of feeling safe through delegation began.  Of course, finding people who share the passion for our business and services was essential, and now that we have them, my anxiety (and overthinking!) has been relatively put to rest.

I love that it came from the Spanx founder! Trusting others is incredible advice. Thank you for sharing. Here’s another:

The best advice that I ever got was personal rather than professional and it also came in the form of a question.  It was about 10 years ago and I was having lunch with some friends. After mentioning that I was once again returning to counseling because of my depression and issues related to my marriage, one of my friends asked, “If you had to do it over, would you marry your husband?” When I said that I wouldn’t, he asked, “Then why are you still with him?” 

It’s wonderful how direct questions asked by a dear friend can give a girl the kick in the pants that she needs. Because of that question (and the unwavering support of that handful of friends), I found the strength to leave an emotionally-abusive marriage after 17 years, move to another state, and start over.

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Do you have your own story to share? Write it in the comments and share your insights with others! It just feels good to help.

Video Interview with Little Panic Author Amanda Stern

Two Gen Xers Share a Facebook Live Chat and Live to Tell The Tale

Yesterday afternoon I had the pleasure of meeting and talking to Amanda Stern, author of Little Panic: Dispatches from an Anxious Life on in a Beautiful Voyager Facebook live chat. It was such a joy to get to find out from Amanda herself, whose book I loved, about how the book came to be, and what it feels like to talk about her panic disorder publically. It's a long interview (1 hour!) so I wanted to break down different areas so that you can forward to the area that interests you.

2:20 The interview really begins (the first two minutes are warm up).

4:45 How it feels to be talking about panic disorder in real life.

6:30 Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade's suicides affected this public moment.

8:38 Jenny Slate would play Amanda Stern if there were a movie version of this book.

11:38 How writing is almost like doing EMDR on yourself.

13:49 How the fear of not being educated enough may have held her back.

19:15 Panic disorder wasn't in the vocabulary, therefore people didn't spot it.

14:40 The difference between gut (trust the gut) and the feeling of doom (don't trust it).

28:04 The last panicked experience Amanda had. What happened, and what it felt like.

36:45 Amanda and I both talk about how amazing the book The Worry Cure is.

38:45 My very personal take on why Scott Stossel's book is the result of a stigmatized culture.

45:53 Amanda's next voyage may be: intelligence testing.

50:19 Amanda's advice for parents who may be dealing with anxiety disorders in their children.

54:30 What Amanda and I are worried about right now.

57:13 Amanda is going to be in San Francisco and we are going to meet up. Come see her read from her book and say hello to me too!