Why Do I Have Morning Anxiety?
The two words that helped me answer that question.
The words you speak become the house you live in.“ — Hafiz
My anxiety peaks in the morning when I wake up with nervous energy and the desire to clean the house. It’s worse some days than others. No amount of anxiety knowledge (or cortisol tests) has given me the peace I seek, nor allowed me to answer the question that haunts me: Why?
Why am I anxious in the morning? Why is it worse today? Why can't I figure it out?
A few weeks ago the morning agitation felt worse than usual. While manically scrubbing a counter, I said to my husband, “I just don’t know why I feel this way. Everything is going well. I am happy at work. I am happy at home. Is this hormonal? What is this?”
In his inimitable Buddha-like way, he just said, “You ask that question a lot, but in seeking an answer, you’re just causing more more anxiety. It’s chemical. It’s just how you are.”
Getting under the waves.
It’s chemical.
I felt a sense of calm flood my body when I repeated those two words aloud. It stopped me from spinning and gave me a clear path to acceptance.
If Hafiz is right, and words are the house I live in, I want my house to feel like I did the moment I said, “It’s chemical.” I know I’ll be coming back to those two words again and again.
